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Funniest Sleep Deprivation Stories From HuffPost Readers

Posted: 1/24/10

If you haven't noticed, our writers and contributors have come up with just about every possible story related to sleep, and for good reason. Over 90 million Americans suffer some sort of sleep deprivation or insomnia symptom every single night.

That is a sobering statistic, with huge implications in how our reaction time, clarity and focus is affected in everything we do -- from work productivity to driving. Last week I decided to lighten up the subject a little bit, and poke fun at ourselves and the hysterical things we do while bone tired. After all, walking zombies do some pretty funny stuff! Here is the link to last week's post.

I am amazed at the sheer volume of funny stories I received this week reflecting the idiotic things we do when sleep deprived. Here are some of the "best of the best" from a variety of good sports who confessed some of their funniest moments:

Putting both contacts in one eye ... almost mistaking nail glue for contact solution ... going to sleep and forgetting the dogs were outside in the cold ... putting the dust pan in the refrigerator -- and the milk on the floor near the broom ... looking for my glasses and wearing two pairs on my head ... finding the butter in the dish cabinet ... wearing a terrific suit and two different black pumps ... and finally -- going through the drive thru for coffee and ordering from the trash can.


Classic. It just goes on and on.

One reader shared this little gem:

I once spent five minutes searching desperately for my cell phone, complaining the whole time about it being missing, to my girlfriend, who I was talking to on my cell phone. This went on until she timidly asked "Are you using your cell phone right now?" It was such an out of body experience, I just hung up.


Another brave soul bared it all with this story:

Probably TMI, but my best story is falling asleep on the can in the middle of the night with my head resting against the facing wall. I was awakened by a house guest. How embarrassing.


And this one is my all time favorite:

Many years ago I had to do a presentation. When I got to the meeting and opened my brief case, I realized I had been carrying a backgammon board all morning.

I spent some time this week talking with renowned sleep expert; Dr. Richard Shane, who is a psychotherapist and has been working with sleep issues for decades. He has developed a simple way to help identify easy tips to "lean into sleep" once your head hits the pillow; and a great system for insomniacs to learn how to get to sleep reliably without medications. Turns out, he also has a great sense of humor.

Here are a couple of his favorite jokes around insomnia:

In the middle of the night, George was pacing back and forth in his room, unable to sleep. This woke his wife, who asked him why he couldn't sleep. He replied, "You know that thousand dollars I borrowed from Bob next store? Well it's due tomorrow, and I don't have it, and I'm anxious and can't sleep." His wife said, "Honey, I have the solution." She opened up the window and yelled to the house next store. "Bob, wake up." A light went on in the house next store and Bob stuck his head out of his window. She continued, "You know that thousand dollars my husband owes you? Well he doesn't have it!" Then she closed her window and turned to her husband. "There, now let him pace the floor and you go to sleep.


Here's another:

Sid Caeser was a very popular comedian in the 1950s and 60s. Someone told me that he once did a routine in which he had insomnia, was tossing and turning and disturbing his wife, Imogene Coca, so she told him he had to get help. The next scene is of the next night and he says, "Honey, I saw a sleep doctor today and I know just what to do." He gets in bed, closes his eyes and says, "Good night feet. Good night ankles," and moves his way up through his body. Finally he says, "Good night, brain." Long pause. "I SAID GOOD NIGHT, BRAIN!" So much for progressive muscle relaxation.


As many of us know, laughter is the best medicine in life. When we can laugh at ourselves, even when we're so tired we can't remember why we went into a room, it helps us to lighten up, and then potentially be able to shift gears out of that crabby mood or lethargic slump.

Dr. Shane has assembled a YouTube medley of some of the funniest television clips of insomnia from the classics of Lorel and Hardy and the Little Rascals. Check it out. While the clip is a full seven minutes, it's worth it. The last clip of the guy using a calculator to count sheep is worth the wait:



Science has already proven that laughter is helpful to heal us when we are sick. However, no studies have yet been conducted as to the potential benefits of comedy to help improve sleep. Here's a challenge as we hit the home stretch of our sleep challenge: for the next seven days, before going to bed at night, put on a show that really makes you laugh, or read a funny book instead of watching the horrors of Haiti on CNN, or some really bad reality show. Notice if it makes any difference during the night or the next day. Both Dr. Shane and I will be collecting stories of how it goes, and what you notice.

In the meantime, know that if you can't find your car keys, or your shoes, or your child - you are not alone! Join our little club here with any good stories you have in our zombie party! Feel free to share this on Twitter, Facebook, etc. and click on Become a Fan to receive weekly updates.

 

Follow Kari Henley on Twitter: www.twitter.com/karihenley

If you haven't noticed, our writers and contributors have come up with just about every possible story related to sleep, and for good reason. Over 90 million Americans suffer some sort of sleep depriv...
If you haven't noticed, our writers and contributors have come up with just about every possible story related to sleep, and for good reason. Over 90 million Americans suffer some sort of sleep depriv...
 
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11:01 PM on 01/26/2010
After another sleepless night with a newborn, I went to brush my teeth and thought the toothpaste tasted very odd and creamier than usual, yet familiar. I cleared my sleepy eyes and found I had a mouthful of baby diaper rash cream. It was gross, yet familiar.
11:00 PM on 01/26/2010
When I had my first baby, I used to get up several times a night to breastfeed her in a rocking chair in the living room so I wouldn't wake my husband. I was exhausted, it was a really hot Summer and she drank forever. She kept latching on and letting go, latching on and letting go and at some point, I started dreaming I was watching Wheel of Fortune and every time the baby was latching on and letting go, a contestant was spinning the wheel. I woke up with a start, my head had been flipped back, my mouth wide open, but thank God I hadn't dropped her! I decided to breastfeed in bed from that point on.
12:13 PM on 01/26/2010
Hi Kari,

I need to bring some powerpoint presentati­ons home witth me. Try staying awake during a 2 hour slideshow after having a fitful nights sleep. It's not humanly possible. Then suddenly, someone has a question and you're the one who's supposed to have an answer. Excellent opportunit­y to look dumb.

little brother
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cybersense
12:01 PM on 01/26/2010
I had a hard time sleeping, and it was causing me to oversleep in the morning. I feared being late to work or to class so much that one time I woke up and looked at the clock it read to say that once again I had overslept. I proceeded to wake everyone else up yelling "we all over slept - get up - hurry". I had jumped in to take a quick shower, and others followed behind me. Once I was quickly dressed, I looked at the clock again. The clock had read that it was 4:00 a.m. in the morning! I looked again to be sure, and as I did my heart sunk in realizatio­n that I had been wrong! I must have been half asleep, or still dreaming when I had first looked at the clock. Fully aware and awake at this time, I cringed at the though of having to tell everyone that I woke them up too early. I stood there in the kitchen stunned, and afraid to pronounce my guilt. It wasn't until everyone racing back and forth from the kitchen that I finally had to announce what the real time was.

I can tell you that I took heat from that one for a very long time.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MKWewer
10:16 AM on 01/26/2010
My first year of law school, I was so incredibly tired after studying for exams for a good 6 hours straight, that I decided it was time to call it a night. I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I leaned over the sink to take out my contacts and I couldn't find them in my eys. I kept poking around trying to extract the left eye and then I switched to the right. After repeated jabbings into my now very red eyeball, I yelled at my boyfriend, "I think my contacts are lost in my head somewhere!­" (And you now see why I didn't go to medical school). He smiled at me and said, "I'm guessing since your glasses are on your head that you've already taken out your contact lenses....­"
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03:52 AM on 01/26/2010
"Next store" when he's at home?
Dr. Shane needs to get some shuteye!
05:08 PM on 01/26/2010
I noticed that too! Next door sounds the same as next store, but 'next door' is the correct one to use here.

Also Kari, the actors are Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. It's Laurel and Hardy, not Lorel and Hardy.

I am an insomniac English teacher, whose best friend is named Laurel. =)
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Dr. Judith Rich
Rx For The Soul: www.judithrich.com
09:18 PM on 01/25/2010
Hey Kari,

Does being jet-lagged qualify?

I've spent years being jet lagged traveling on a regular basis to work in Russia and Asia. i don't think I've done anything truly stupid while jet lagged (at least that brought attention to me) but I have felt at times that whatever was coming out of my mouth was being spoken by someone else and I had no idea what I was saying. Apparently­, it must have made sense because the audience didn't have puzzled looks on their faces. But maybe I was too tired to notice!

Isn't humor a very high state of consciousn­ess? If so, then you've hit the jackpot this week!

Thanks for another great post. Much love,
Judith
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Ed and Deb Shapiro
02:26 PM on 01/25/2010
Hi Kari - you sure hit the spot here . great blog and significan­t during our sleep month!

It is just what I needed

So happy to have fun in the midst of the day

So keep it up

love your energy

Cheers,

Ed
01:53 PM on 01/25/2010
Kari,

Thanks for your wonderful column - and your reader's stories are priceless!

My Business Advisor to Sleep Easily (http://www­.sleepeasi­ly.com), tells this story:

A few years back, I was preparing a presentati­on until four in the morning for a meeting I had that day. I had to pick up people at Union Station in Washington DC at 8AM. I grabbed a quick shower and headed towards DC. Exhausted, I stopped at a convenienc­e store, in an unsafe section of the city, to get a 16 oz cup of coffee. Proud of how early I was, I put a lid on the coffee cup, walked out, and set the coffee on top of my car. I opened my car door and took off my suit coat. Leaning into the car, I opened the sun roof. I felt and heard a loud pop on the back of my head and felt searing hot liquid burn my scalp and run down the back of my head and neck. I immediatel­y clinched up, closed my eyes, crouched next to my car, and yelled, “I've been shot in the brain!” As I gathered the courage to stand up and open my eyes, I noticed that the liquid running down the front of my shirt was coffee. I looked around the parking lot to find truck drivers and other folks howling, elbowing each other, and pointing at me.
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Kari Henley
Make a Wish- now make it bigger.
02:14 PM on 01/25/2010
OUCH!
Thanks for contribtin­g to this article and for adding another crazy story!
Kari
08:50 AM on 01/26/2010
Oh, man, that just about killed me! Sorry you got hurt, but that was a hilarious story.
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09:25 AM on 01/25/2010
Classic deer in the headlights moment when the bank teller asked me if it was my correct address. I understood the question, I just honestly did not know the answer.
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Kari Henley
Make a Wish- now make it bigger.
02:16 PM on 01/25/2010
I have done that too! Classic.
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amaycatbaker
08:33 AM on 01/25/2010
Three babies in three years, means sleep deprivatio­n. I hope someday for a good nights sleep.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
01:49 AM on 01/26/2010
When they're about five, six and seven, grab it. The teens are another drag.
08:30 AM on 01/25/2010
Greetings Citizens of the Night. Bedtime Betty here applauding the recommenda­tion for humor at bedtime!

Feeling pressured to get a good night's sleep can sometimes be enough to keep you awake. It's counter-in­tuitive to the process (in other words, if you're a type-A plus personalit­y and planning for your "best night ever," you just might chase it away if you become obsessive!­)

A good laugh releases all kinds of tension and whether you find it through a late night comedian or in a book or from a friend or lover, it's the one of the undeniable remedies for a restless night.

So don't take yourself too seriously and let out a giggle.
Yours in zzZZs,
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Kari Henley
Make a Wish- now make it bigger.
02:19 PM on 01/25/2010
Wow! Well said!
I agree, and wonder. Bedtime Betty, if you have tested this new theory of trying out a little humor or comedy before bedtime to see if it improves the quality, or quantity of sleep- your thoughts?
Thanks for writing in
Kari
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MajorKong
If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally
08:29 AM on 01/25/2010
Back in 1991 I was returning from a combat mission and was somewhere over the Indian Ocean in the middle of the night.

We were 12 hours or so into what was to be a 16.5 hour flight. Counting mission-pl­anning time we'd probably been awake for at least 16 hours.

I remember waking up, looking over and seeing my copilot fast asleep. Likewise there were no voices on the intercom, meaning that the other 4 crewmember­s had also dozed off.

I looked out the side window and realized that we had, in the time I'd been asleep, passed up the other two planes in the formation and were now in the lead - as I rather sheepishly eased back into proper formation.

The fact that they never said anything on the radio makes me wonder if maybe they weren't asleep too.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
01:50 AM on 01/26/2010
Meep!
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local21
33% recall rate, Walker is next
06:37 AM on 01/25/2010
I dozed off while reading this article...­...;)
05:47 AM on 01/25/2010
I was in college and working two part-time jobs. It was the week of finals and I was driving back to my apartment after my late night job of loading trucks. I began hallucinat­ing that a friend of mine was in the car asking for the answer to a possible test question. I turned to respond and the sound of an air horn caught my attention. I was driving the wrong wrong way down a four lane divided state highway heading straight for two semi trucks driving side by side. I locked up the brakes and slid the car into the median. The next day I gave my two weeks notice at the trucking company.