How To Reclaim Spare Time

There is something nostalgic about spare time. Like an old friend you knew once and somehow lost touch. Spare time sits on the side of a broken fence, wheat stalk between its teeth - daring us to watch puffy clouds, or go kicking through Autumn leaves, instead of hen-pecking at the keyboard. Spare time beckons, yet few can hear the whispers over the whir of cpu's and blare of CNN. How do we rope, lasso and reclaim Spare Time?

For many of us, having a moment or two to spare has been replaced by the unending bleeps of text messages, incoming email, unending tasks, hectic schedules of work and family, and constant financial pressure to survive the recession. Most of us cannot make it through a day without drifting to the computer half a dozen times to check email, or carry the cell phone around for a constant fix. Clearly the impact of such a lifestyle cannot be good for us long term.

When I was growing up, the TV shows on air included Andy Griffith- the ultimate in spare time. Remember the theme song whistle during the opening shots; Andy heading out fishing with little Opie? Everyone stood around a lot, talked to each other and managed minor small town incidents. We certainly couldn't have a cop show like that now, with a lot of hanging out, instead of busting up drug rings. Does anyone have time to whistle anymore?

My other favorite childhood show was the Brady Bunch, (which I heard was Michelle Obama's favorite too). They had a LOT of spare time- even housekeeper Alice. All those kids hung out together after school, went on vacation, sang in a band with matching costumes; and those of us watching had enough spare time to memorize every single episode within the first five bars of the opening scene.

What if the Brady Bunch was set today? Imagine Carol running with her super size Starbucks in her super size mini van, conducting a meeting on her cell while in route to take Bobby and Cindy to soccer practice, Jan to her violin lesson, Greg to football, and Marsha to cheerleading. While Mom is multi-tasking; the kids are plugged into iPhones, cell phones, texting, and checking emails. No one is talking to each other, unless it is to pick a fight, and they certainly are not singing, "We're Gonna Keep On, Keep On, Keep On Dancin' All Through the Night."

The temptations upon our time are not in the same stratosphere as they were a generation ago - hence spare time is relegated to the back pasture of our lives. However, I suspect a lot of the activities that consume all hours of the day and night are not as important as we think they are, and learning to step back and evaluate priorities could help generate some vital time... to do nothing.

There has been a lot of news coverage about our declining happiness levels. No wonder we aren't happy - we don't have time to be. A recent UPenn study found that women are categorically less happy than they were 30 years ago. Russell Bishop wrote a piece exploring the fact that men aren't that much happier, and Cara Barker this week conducted some interviews with children, discovering that many of them were unhappy at the lack of contact and connection with their parents.

Sometimes being "happy" is kind of like realizing your nagging headache is gone. The insight is not dramatic, like a bolt of lightning, but comes in a quiet, gentle awareness of relief. Happiness is like that. It takes a healthy dose of spare time to find it. I think Spare Time and Happiness are "BFF", don't you?

Here are a few tips to reclaim Spare Time:

Email Self-Control- declutter your inbox by unsubscribing to anything you don't need or read regularly, and try not to continue long email conversations that aren't necessary. One of Therese Borchard's tricks is to take weekend breaks from her computer. Imagine! This is a great way to scrounge up a ton of free time - think of it as email Sabbath, (Reading this column, however, is an acceptable exception).

Social Networking is junk food, plain and simple. Let's face it - Facebook is the Doritos of friendships and Twitter is a super size box of Fries. Both are tempting, and both are ultimately not all that healthy. Take the time for some "slow food": home-cooked friendships that require face-to-face time. If you are IM'ing someone in your office, get up and try walking over for a change. Facebooking your best friend? Pick up the phone or stop by; imagine how you look from space, hunched over terminals sharing the daily chatter.

Find the "in-between" moments of the day to embrace as spare time. Driving is a great opportunity to do some deep breathing, turn off the noise in your head, and notice the scenery around you, rather than listening to talk radio, eating, or talking on the cell phone. Find the moments in the shower, doing dishes or walking the dog to flatten out as buffer zones of nothingness.

Force yourself to be bored. Remember being bored? It is the MacDaddy of spare time. Kids today think five or six seconds of spare time equals being bored, and many adults' tolerance for unfilled moments is not much better. Set aside several hours once a month with nothing particular to do - and see how it affects you.

Spare Time sauntered into my life last week when swine flu blew through my house. With sick kids, life comes to a grinding halt. Spare Time roped me in by force- and it was not comfortable. To rebel, I filled it with all sorts of backlogged projects like putting together good will donations, painting peeling trim, and clearing up the yard. At long last, I surrendered (the key) and just hung out. It became rejuvenating, and felt great.

We are not wired to go 24/7 with mental chatter. Sometimes just listening to the wind blow is enough to keep you from going over the brink. How does good ole' Spare Time show up in your life these days? Love to hear your comments, and please click on Become a Fan to receive weekly notices, or follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

 

Follow Kari Henley on Twitter: www.twitter.com/karihenley

Comments

[khanti]

When you were little it's time to go to bed.
When you grow older its time to wake up.
When you start working it's time to get up!
If you start your bussiness time is money.
.But when you grow older all dreams had passed time never waits for you.
As you grow old time is precious.
Then it's time to go.

When you are young time is always on your side
Only to find out how fast it can fly away.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

beautiful poem~
Thank you!
Wiser words were never spoken
Kari

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Kari - Brilliant as usual

How does good ole' Spare Time show up in your life these days?

This comment made me chuckle as someon asked the Dalai Lama

What do you do in your spare time? he answered:

"Dalai Lama has spare time?"

I like to ski ski ski

come ski with me.

BE THE CHANGE,

Ed

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi guys!
I am sure Spare Time is sparse these days launching the book!
You always find moments inbetween- I am sure.

Yes
ski ski ski.
I could rope in my buddy Spare Time for that! :)
Kari

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Hi Kari,

In two months I get all of the spare time I want! It feels so good to get my time after decades of trading it for dollars. I'm glad that I usually liked what I did for a living, but I'm ready to spend my time as I feel.

With love,
little brother

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Good for you- enjoy a new slice of life~!

[SecondBase]

Here's an interesting anecdote about someone who was both alive and awake:

------------------

At a question session with Suzuki Roshi at Sokoji, a young man asked, "What should a Zen practitioner do with his spare time?"

Suzuki at first looked perplexed and repeated the phrase, "Spare time?" He repeated it again and then began to laugh uproariously.

------------------

http://www.doyletics.com/arj/toshineo.htm

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

You sound like Ed Shapiro up above!
When it is posed that way, it cracks me up too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ultimate pun!
Thanks!
kari

[Bernadette Noll]

Recently we went on a family camping trip with a few other families. There was no cell phone coverage AT ALL for miles around the campsite. At first there were groans, "oh no!" As phones were shut down and put away the realization came to one and all what a great thing it was that we were forced out of our phone connection. It felt so good to be fully present with each other, with our kids, with nature. Not one obnoxious, "Oh, hold that thought, I just have to take this..."

I realized upon our return that I could capture that same amazing feeling at home by turning off the phone for certain hours of the day - especially the family evening hours. The presence it gives me with both myself and with my partner and kids is really and truly life changing. It just took a remote area with no coverage to teach me this amazing lesson.

http://www.slowfamilyliving.com
http://www.bernadettenoll.com

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Fabulous story!
Thank you.
I agree that sometimes we need a literal shift in our routine to help us recognize where we are out of balance. I am a big believer of downshifting, and have written about it here often. The more time I open up for my family, the calmer everyone becomes. The more "Stuff" and activities I pile on, the more stressed we become.
I loved camping as a kid, and it is a great gift for the plugged in generation!
Thanks!
Kari

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

HI Bernadette,

That's a brilliant idea. I'm going to copy you.

little brother

[barriosbabe]

I believe we do not make spare time, I believe we adapt an all new decision or attitude out of necessity when we realize we could all be gone tomorrow. I had to have some bad health setbacks before I learned to stop and smell the roses. My life today is again very busy with stuff, but the spiritual experience has taught me an amazing lesson. No offense to the article or other posters but once this happens to you, I believe you do not have to reclaim or make spare time, it becomes part of who you are. If I need 2 hours in the morning to just wander around my garden, regardless of my full time job, I take it, I get up earlier, whatever, I make it happen. It now comes mostly naturally to me because I know life is so very short. I also recommend Arjuna Ardagh and Eckart Tolle - the latter talks about not so much living in the now (I think the title is misleading) but rather stop wasting time and energy rehearing every next step. Too bad they have become a bit New Age/Oprah, I mean, perception wise. Namaste.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you.
Wise words and ti sounds as if your life has forced you to live this lesson many of us only conceptualize. Good for you and thanks for offering a great example.
Kari

[harpo73]

Get rid of the TV - worked for me!

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

for me too - until I discovered huffpo!

:-)

[singermuse]

Spare time wisely used is a dangerous thing. It makes people actually THINK, and perhaps, think critically. Spare time makes a person think about the way things are and how things OUGHT to be. I can think of a lot of Old White Men who would rather we didn't have much spare time. We might actually look at what is going on and take steps to CHANGE it. Hmmm, they might be out of a job! And WE might be all the better for it.

[bynddrvn5]

What the heck is that? Spare time, never heard of it.

This is the USA, time off is forboden.

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

I just can't wait for my MacDaddy of spare time. Wow am I trying hard to get bored!

And if I had a Twitter and/or facebook account, I would know already how to reclaim the time wasted on it. Unfortunately, there's nothing for me to gain on that front.

[Lisa Earle McLeod - Huffpost Blogger]

This all sound good, and who didn't love the Brady Bunch and those outfits.

But if you think I'm going to take quality time to breath in the air around me when I could be surfing huff po, you obviously don't understand my ADD values.

If I went back to having free time, then I might have to actually think strategically instead of just reacting to constant stimuli, and then, well who knows what might happen?

I might get my kids together and form a singing group.

I know we could get a bus, and paint it up all cool, and velvet bell bottoms,

I think I love you . . .

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

HA!
We have our friend Dana Hilmer in common and you always make me laugh! I love your newsletter and thanks so much for "surfing" by today!!!
yes, think strategically- comments above you seem to agree.....
imagine!
Thanks!
kari

[Douglss Russell]

I really enjoyed the article and yet I thought it ironic that you ask us to reach you through facebook or twitter.

Made me laugh.

[bloggard]

ditto!

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

I know! The irony is not lost on me either...... one of those writer thingees we are supposed to do- although I am pretty bad at it!
Glad to make you laugh!
Kari

[RoseMerry]

One way to increase employment is shorten the work week. If we could increase wages about %30 and cut the work week by 25%, we may just achieve full employment. I bet we could fund this with the recovery of the trillions stolen in the last decade and have enough to fund Social Security and healthcare until the end of time. I would make possession of over $100 million illegal (worldwide) and any wage or gain of over $10 million a year taxed at 100%.

No one needs a penny more than that!

i want justice!

[entropy2]

NIce post. Ultimately, our time in this world is the ONLY thing we truly own. The "winners" are not the ones who die with the most stuff, but those who experience the most fulfilled time.

[67bug]

I'm forty-five and I still love to just lay in my patio chair and look up at the clouds. I can't imagine not giving this to myself :-)