I have to say, this recession thing is taking me back to my youth. Growing up in the 70's, the era of inflation, oil embargo's and doing without was central to my foundation. We grew up in a middle class family, struggling to make ends meet. With both parents working, my brother and I grew up as latch key kids who could run a house ourselves by age 10.
Somehow, we did fine. I wanted Farrah Fawcett hair and instead had bad dime store perms that looked like light socket frizz. I wanted new clothes and put up with hand-me-down jeans, with 4 inches of red bandana sewn on the bottom hem, to cover my lanky frame. I learned that life went on if I didn't have the latest craze. Fast forward to today: I am a mother of 4 children who are have more "stuff" than I ever dreamed of, and can barely pour a bowl of cereal. I know I am getting old because I feel like I'm on the crotchety side of the generations -- pointing a finger at the lazy youth and condemning them for their wayward habits.
It's been a long while since we have had such an economic crisis, and many kids today have no frame of reference in having to pinch the penny -- and they often aren't needed to help the household survive. They really aren't "needed" at all. How does being indulged in sheer entertainment for your entire childhood affect your drive, empathy and engagement? Maybe there's a gift here. I think the recession is going to shake up this generation of children who have been at the center of the universe for far too long.
In my middle class neighborhood no one shovels driveways, no one delivers newspapers and no one bikes to a part time job after school. Finding a high school babysitter is like striking gold; teenagers today don't want to work -- and they don't have to. Their parents buy them all the Uggs and iPods and Razor's they need, and they are too busy on Facebook to bother with an afternoon job -- unless you want to pay them $10 per hour cash -- and they aren't busy.
The mess of the economy has left millions of us in various degrees of dire straits as jobs disappear, savings goes down the toilet, business is dead in the water and no end in sight. The gnawing fear is palpable, and at times overwhelming. Many parents feel guilty they can't provide their kids with all the indulgences as the questions start pouring in:
"Mommy are we poor? Are we going to have to stand in line for bread?"
Their only concept of doing without harkens back to an old Jimmy Stewart movie.
While I am seriously worried about our future generation inheriting a debt beyond imagination, I'm glad my kids are getting a dose of reality with this forced curb on our consumer-driven youth culture. We knew deep inside that giving our kids the Wii, Guitar Hero and whatever else they wanted was wrong; but did we see it was also denying them of the value of wanting? The opportunity to participate in the family economy?
According to consumer expert, Juliet Shor, author of Born to Buy: The Commercialized Child and the New Consumer Culture our kids have become consumer drones who watch 40,000 commercials per year and have often become the dominant voice in family purchases -- including what type of car to buy. Many kids are over-scheduled, over-stressed, obese and depressed. Maybe having less cash to spend is just the diet they need.
The upside of an economic downturn is more time together as a family. In making lemonade out of lemons; a positive slant can look like fewer extra curricular activities, and more dinners at home, fewer 'toy of the week' purchases and more classic games of gin rummy, Clue and Scrabble. Our social connections with one another matter more to kids than 'stuff' anyway. UC Berkeley is home of the "Greater Good Science Center" with a department called; "Half Full: Social Science for Raising Happy Kids," containing current research and ideas on happiness, altruism and compassion for kids and families.
While our young children can shift more easily, the way to captivate our teenage culture is through social service. Teens are very aware of President Obama. Eighteen year-old voters showed up in record numbers to cast their vote and be counted, and almost every school in the nation, at every grade level, broadcast the inauguration in the classrooms. We have a great opportunity to engage our youth. To show them the value of money, the struggles our country is facing and instead of bemoaning what they "can't have," inspire them to what they"can do" to help bring our country turn around.
Shoveling the driveway for the 80 year old neighbor, helping plant a garden in the backyard for summer food, taking old toys to a shelter, leading the family's efforts to reduce carbon footprints, or helping a friend who is down and out -- can transform our children, increase their innate gratitude and help them to flourish. Maybe asking for their help will elevate them to become the next "Great Generation."
The recession is impossible to escape these days, and many families are hugely impacted. How are your children reacting? Could there be a silver lining for those kids who have never known an era of doing more with less? Do you have stories of kids rising to the occasion and making positive changes? I'd love to hear your comments.
The epidemic of "affluenza" in our country has indeed spread from our generation to our children and this recession is the perfect opportunity for us to take a collective timeout to scale back and tune in. I have been reading a book recently called "Your Money or Your Life" and it makes the powerful assertion that "money is something we choose to trade our life energy for." If we keep this in the forefront of our mind as we head to the store and schedule yet another class we may be more inclined to "say no" so we can reserve our life energy for what's really important: each other. We need to walk the walk and then kids too will realize that our time together matters more than the "stuff" that will soon collect dust in the toy room.
This article seems personally written to me as a wake up call. As my expenses grow and my income diminshes my kids are in for a rude awaken which has long been overdue. There is nothing wrong with saying no to them or have them earn what it is they want. I did it and it helped me to understand the value of a dollar and the impotance of not wasting my money. Yet somewhere over the last ten years I lost that concept in this "I need it now economy". Im going back to my roots for two reasons- One the money is gone and two Im afraid Im not teaching my kids anything but expecting something they have not earned
Good for you and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I applaud you!! Roll-up-your-sleeves work is the stuff America is made of which our younger generation has somehow bypassed. Not all, of course, but enough teens are out there who don't know what an after school job is. I find it odd that many are even delaying getting their driver's licenses and are forgoing freedom because it may mean more responsibility and making gas money. Are we parents are unknowlingly shielding our kids and breeding lethargic kids who are not concerend with contribution? I'm a culprit but try and catch myself these days when my teens want to shirk their household chores and don't even think of grabbing a snow shovel when the first flakes are spotted. It's actually more difficult to get them to pitch in, and dare I say make some money of their own, than to just do it myself but I feel the extra effort is worth it. And as a life coach, I profess to women that delegating many responsibilities to our children is a healthy thing for everyone. It boosts self esteem (that kids of all ages are capable of doing many things), gives parents a break and emphasizes the team approach. A win-win-win. An economic downturn may not be what we want but, hopefully the silver lining is that it may be the very thing we need to readjust priorities and family values.
Sometimes breaking the habit for parents is the hardest part. It is easier to "do it all" and encouraging kids to do more often takes work to shift patterns! Thanks so much for the post!
I so resonate with the 70's images of waiting on long gas lines and worrying if there would be enough. While I don't intentionlly spoil my children and have consciously kept the "stuff" to a minimum there is certainly no lack that they're aware of. My husband has recently lost his job and while I want to be conscious of the language we use around money, I do want them to know that spending is all about choices, and right now we're making different choices about how we spend.
As always, I love what you write about and want to get you in front of my Metromom community, I know you could offer them alot.
Take care,
im
Keep up the super work with mom's starting new part time businesses!
I am so glad your daughter is a source of hope for you, and for us all.
Some of the most successful adults came from dire circumstances - look at Oprah!
Having "stuff" matters much less than knowing she is loved.
Take care
Kari
I think "opportunities" will be the name of the game. Thanks for writing.
Good for you, and on the contrary, I have GREAT hope for your generation! I believe your generation has been blessed with many gifts, an un-precedented exposure to working online, and an ability to find out just about anything ten times quicker than your parents.
Keep up the good work, and know that all we have sometimes IS hope!!
Take care
Kari