No Child Left Behind = All Boys Left Behind

Let's play a little game of make believe shall we? Let's play "house" - and pretend to be a typical American family about five years from now- say in 2014.

In this scenario, Mommy is a CEO, serves on several Boards of Directors, and had her two kids in her late thirties. Daddy is at home full time, cooks dinner, coaches soccer and helps with homework at night. He dropped out of college, after struggling through high school, and can't find a well paying job to justify their childcare costs.

In our make believe game, there are two children. The daughter is getting all A's in school. She is the teacher's pet, class president, plays sports and is in honor's classes. The son likes sports, but hates most subjects in school, struggles with ADHD, and is fumbling. Both have the same amount of attention and opportunities at home, yet the daughter is going to Harvard and the son is going to Community College.

Now, before you get hot and huffy here about gender sexism, bear with me. This scenario is not far from the truth for our upcoming leaders of tomorrow. Since the 1970's feminism has opened up unparalleled opportunity for women to move forward in education and business. Is it perfect? No, but today's daughters are breaking glass ceilings and blazing trails.

However, there are glass shards and dead end roads being inadvertently left for the men, and the boys. In the past ten years or so, the world of education has changed dramatically. The "No Child Left Behind Act" has been a disaster, and instead has turned into "All Boys Left Behind." Our nation's boys are not just slipping through the cracks, they are washing down the Grand Canyon without a paddle, and something must be done about it.

Peg Tyre is author of the book, The Trouble with Boys, a #1 best seller, coming out in paperback this summer. Tyre spent five years researching the current education system from every demographic. She has a powerful, unrelenting story of how our young men are struggling, and describes a giant education gap that will affect every level of American life, in a very short period of time, as these kids grow up.

Currently, boys are being "expelled" from preschool four times more than girls. They are 60% more likely to be held back in kindergarten, and twice as likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities. Only 43% of young men are enrolled as undergraduates in college, girls are taking more AP classes in high school, and dominating as school valedictorians. In fact, a "dirty little secret" at many colleges and universities is the unspoken "new gender gap." Boys are being admitted to colleges with lesser qualifications than girls to keep the gender balance.

Even though the IQ levels are the same, boys are disengaging from the educational process from their very first moments in a classroom, and steadily falling behind with each passing year. Today 72% of girls and only 65% of boys are graduating from high school.

For struggling families, the child who does the best in school is the one who will be pushed the hardest - nowadays it is invariably a girl. This trend is a massive reversal of forty years ago, where the academic career's of the boys was pushed at the expense of the girls. How can we keep the scales balanced?

Tyre states:

"In some ways its nice to see women on top. But we have to ask who is going to bring up the children and who are these educated women going to marry? In America there are 2.5 million more girls than boys in college, and women tend to marry men of the same level of educational attainment."

If the pipeline that is sending our boys up through the education system is damaged, the catastrophic recession is smashing the other end of the pipe as well- leaving scores of men unemployed, depressed and unsure of where to go next. Statistics show nearly 80% of those losing their jobs from the recession are men. Many of them are helping out at home, and redefining the meaning of "stay at home dad."

Does anyone see the connection here? In our recent lifestyle of 80 hour work weeks, an average father currently only spends 30 minutes a day with their sons. Maybe our struggling boys need their struggling dad's. Maybe both their lives need to be filled with a little more wrestling, games of Spiderman and comic books, instead of endless meetings and boring classroom droning.

Jeremy Adam Smith has written a new book, The Daddy Shift, just released for Father's Day. Smith, a staunch profeminist, spent a year with their infant son as the primary caretaker, and writes a very intelligent and engaging blog called "Daddy Dialectic". He offers a positive spin on the profound importance of men being at home as transforming bread winning into care giving. Check him out on this one minute video:

"Many fathers feel helpless, useless or in the way, when instead fathers can serve as a bridge between the mother and the rest of the world," said Smith. "It is time to come up with a whole new set of rules."

Smith feels that hands-on dads handle stress better when facing issues of unemployment.

"Taking care of my children is the toughest challenge I ever faced, but facing it strengthened me and enlarged my life, and critically, it has helped many of us to survive unemployment,"

Smith said.

I asked Smith if he has noticed any differences in how he parents vs. his wife's style.

"Primarily, I think there is not a huge difference between men and women as parents," he begins. "However, I do think father's wrestle more, and while many assume the maternal style is the gold standard, running around playing octopus is how we have fun and relate to each other."

I have great faith that having more men at home can help bring that critical masculine energy back into the nucleus of the family- there may be more sword fighting, squirt guns, and more hours of farting than flash cards. If boys can be empowered by men at home, ideally their ability to perform in school will increase. If more men are paying attention to how their sons are being taught and the obvious deficits they are facing, motivation will occur to take action and address their specific needs.

Let's hear it for the boys. How are your boys faring in school? How are the men out there handling the juggling domestic home front? Let's start a dialogue and your comments are warmly welcomed!

Comments

[txfriend]

MEN STILL GET PAID MORE.. THAT THE REAL TRAGEDY IN ALL THIS!!!

[thats2much]

This touchy feely stuff is the main reason why our schools are in the shape they are. They've been reduced to an assymbly line of mediocracy.

[Peacedog]

Oh the irony...

[Leiya Ke]

hilarious.

[tjb22]

I have three sons and four daughters. Their ages span from 14 to 25. Birth order is girl, girl, girl, boy, boy, boy, girl.

I listed this information because I've seen this demonstrated clearly during my kids' school years. When my three girls attended elementary school, I was considered the "model parent". After all, I had such WONDERFUL children! Their behavior was excellent, they were scholastically and academically advanced, socially mature, etc., etc., etc. Then my boys started school. Overnight, I became the parent of THOSE children..­.you know, those BOYS. Now, my boys weren't bad...but they were little boys. They didn't always behave in the same ways my girls behaved. Oftentimes, they were punished for behavior that my girls had not been punished for. If they spoke up or asked questions, they were considered rude or disrespectful, while my girls were considered articulate and intellectually curious. When my girls would get feelings hurt or cry for me the first day of school, they were considered "sensitive", while my boys were considered "immature" because obviously I had created "separation issues". I could go on and on, but I think I've said enough.

We later moved the two youngest boys to another school. It was marginally better. We left the public school system after elementary school and the smaller classrooms with more male instructors definitely benefited all of them.

[MNmommy]

Thank you. So much judging is going on in this thread, it's really remarkable. Blame the parents, blame the video games, blame this, blame that.

My experience with only two children in the public education system, one girl and one boy mirrors yours exactly. Right down to how I am perceived as a parent by the school - nothing has changed, still volunteer, still a member of the PTO, now a member of the parent association that works for improvement in SpEd - and have been treated completely differently for the last few years since my son has had troubles. Both kids have learning issues/dis­abilities, both are intellectually gifted and their father and they all have ADHD. It's been an interesting journey.

I've now brought my son home and we are using the k12 virtual online school - he is once again working above grade level (as we expect given his capabilities) after falling dramatically behind between 2-5th grade - being shuffled off to the resource room or the quiet room for precious weeks every school year.

[sempronia]

This is beside the point, but I have to make a request to the editor: please stop writing plural, non-possessive nouns with apostrophes. I know that it is a minute grammar point, but it really undermines the credibility of the writer, especially one who seeks to inform regarding the status of education.

Also, I agree with AngelaQuattrano: appending that "Stay-at-Home Dad" segment to the report on lagging boys undermines the organizational structure of the piece, as well as the argument. It looks as though you are now saying, "Boys, you are going to fail, so embrace it and take on the caregiver role instead." Is the implication that men, because they are going to be too poorly equipped to compete with women, should consider house-husband the only option? It seems putting the two points next to one another is somewhat insulting both to women who already choose to stay home -- are they just staying at home now because they are unqualified to work? -- and men who are caregivers as well. The point of Jeremy Smith's piece is that men can CHOOSE to stay home and should see it as a laborious but rewarding experience that does not make them less of a man. The juxtaposition of the two suggests that intellectually neutered men should embrace stay-at-home fatherhood because they aren't going to have any other options.

At most, you should have written a separate entry on it and appended a link instead.

[Fugly]

I'm glad that you mentioned that "minute grammatical point"; the "dad's" error bothered me as well.

[atroiano]

If we want to nitpick about grammar, then the use of apostrophe as in 1970's (paragraph 3) is also wrong. That seems to be the accepted form today; however, people just don't know the rules anymore.

The plurals for capital letters and numbers used as nouns are not formed with apostrophes.
Examples:
the 1990s not the 1990's
the '90s or the mid-'70s not the '90's or the mid-'70's
She learned her times tables for 6s and 7s.

[klbrz]

Maybe men are losing more jobs than women right now, but maybe that's because they get paid more and higher paying jobs are frequently the ones that first get cut in bad times.

I don't know if you can argue that all this is the fault of *no child left behind* (though maybe it is). Couldn't it also be that we are actually starting to believe that girls are just as smart as boys (after decades of lip service) and that is finally being reflected in their grades and academic achievements? At the same time, boys are more and more subjected to sports hero worship, you're a *girl* if your grades are too good and you don't have enough attitude and *in-your-face* smart.a.s.­s comebacks to your teacher's request. You are right that the schools only teach one way - and the ones who can sit still are rewarded. But, I'm a 45 year old female and school was sucking all the fun out of learning way back then and we all had to sit still or visit the principal. Much as I'd like to blame W's program, I'm not sure we can say this is NCLB's fault.

[HHarvey]

Wow! I've been saying this for years. As a mother of two boys I certainly see the difference. Both of my boys have the same academic issues and they are nine years apart. I see a difference in instruction from female teachers vs. male teachers. I wish I had the money to put my boys in an all boy school. Let's face it, boys learn differently than girls and most of the men teachers in my son's high school are more willing to help me to help my son. I so far have not received that from the women teacher's, in fact it's been pretty blatant and when I start talking around with other parents who have sons it's amazing the similarities. Thank you for writing this article as my 11th grade son has definitely been left behind, but it's been up to me to pay tutors to see he squeaks by. He's a good kid, never gets in trouble, just academics is not his thing.

[DG55]

There are so many studies that indicate that BOTH genders do better in same-gender classrooms. When will society get the hint and demand that schools model themselves after sound theory and research rather than what's "expedient"?

[AngelaQuattrano]

You broke the page when you incorrectly inserted the embed code for the video.

The problem is biological and cultural. It is natural for males to compete against other males. The fact that females are turning out to excel in those areas that formerly excluded them means that the male tendency is to see this as a less valuable venue for competition.

Society no longer pressures males to succeed in order to grow up and support a family on their own. Unfortunately, the education system has moved at the same time toward unconditional support for students, permitting them to determine their own abilities and decide for themselves how hard they will work.

The mistake is in assuming that male students will somehow spontaneously develop motivation and become responsible before it is too late. We expect males to be responsible, and we expect them to do it on their own. When they tell parents and teachers that they are, they get left alone. Parents expect girls to be more dependent and need more help. Over and over again nowadays students are given the "opportunity to succeed", which is as much an "opportunity to fail". The parents think that their boys are doing fine until it is too late.

I also blame a general anti-intel­lectualism in the culture. Parents who never read anything set the example that their children will follow for a lifetime.

[AceWild]

HA , All those degrees and yet its still Men who invent and create everything.

Myspace, facebook, twitter, youtube, google etc..... all invented by Men under 30

[HHarvey]

Don't forget all the women CEO's. Maybe more women need to get into the internet web design field.

[jackybird]

If our educational system were failing an equally large percentage of children but without regard to class, race or gender would we care?

[llisa]

Actually, girls were always capable but not given the chance to succeed. When girls are given an equal chance with boys, they will excel.

Kids are individuals and each has his own way of learning. I was told my second daughter learned "like a boy"--she did better hands on than just by reading. She is also dyslexic. But, with lots of drilling at home, she did well in school and earned a Master's.

I think boys and parents of boys just have to get as committed to learning as my daughter and our family were. Keep working at learning till you find something that works, then work even harder. If separate classrooms for boys work, then use that. If more one on one at home or with a tutor helps, then keep doing it.

Giving girls an equal chance to work hard and succeed is a good thing. If males have to be told they are superior to females to do well in school and in life, then I guess they are just out of luck.

[Endersdragon]

You missed the point, boys aren't given just as much of a chance to succeed anymore. Most teachers teach to the girls in the class (the way they enjoyed being taught in other words) and it is up to the boys to pick up the information on their own time. Beyond that not everyone can get a boys only class. Not everyone can pay for a regular tutor. Many, if not most, people are entirely dependant on the schools to teach their kids. When it fails there kid, they have every right to complain.

[raechel]

I don't think the problem is men, fathers. I don't think the problem is women. I think the problem is an education system that values sitting still over doing. Girls do better because they are more obedient. We need to re-think education, do away with endless and worthless paperwork, and get these kids doing something real. How is it "natural" for children of either sex to act this way? It may be convenient for adults charged with caretaking, but in all of the years leading up to now, and in most places of the world, children have contributed to the work of their cultures. They participate in adult activities. Yes, our "knowledge economy" forces a long learning period, but I challenge anyone to show that we're actually using that period for learning rather than warehousing. Until we rethink this crazy model, boys will be left out, and only a repressive culture that won't allow girls to compete will produce boy winners. Sad.

[MsC]

This will not happen as long as schools are "data-driven" by standardized test scores.

[raechel]

Blaming standardized tests is also a cop out. My daughter had a great science and math teacher in 5th grade. He told me he never teaches to the test, but believes that if he teaches the subject well, then the results will show in the kids' test scores. And they did. His classes consistently had the highest test scores in the district. The kids did science projects, lots of hands-on stuff, and no "work sheets." He had a lively classroom that encouraged movement and discussion. It required energy and commitment on his part. Teachers who claim they "must" "teach to the test" are not taking responsibility for doing their jobs.

Educators who educate effectively will see the results in standardized test scores as well as in other areas. The children will benefit for years afterward.

[DG55]

>>I think the problem is an education system that values sitting still over doing.

>>This will not [change] as long as schools are "data-driven" by standardized test scores.


Amen to BOTH statements.

[AngelaQuattrano]

This has always been the case, not only in this country, but in all other countries that have education systems, too.

[HHarvey]

I think girl's do better not because they are "more obedient", gawd knows I never was, but because we mature faster than boys. Thence we will do much better academically. The No Child Left Behind act really accentuates the child who is already good in school. It's about skimming the cream off the top and these days that's girls because they are more inclined to the maturity level that our school systems demand. Plain and simple it's about maturity.

[thebigbike]

Hear Hear! As an elementary school volunteer I see regularly how female teachers create classrom atmospheres and use teaching techniques that favor the sorts of behaviors that even feminists boast women are good at, which are not necessarily those that engage boys are provide the kinds of emotional and physical support for the traits that feministstell us males are imbued with,among them a higher need for physical activity and spatial play/work. oh, well, Time for women to be on top I guess.

[Paros]

Wow - the first voice of reason in the comment section. What a relief. Thank you.

[momat40]

I agree with everything said in this article. Having three sisters, I knew nothing of boys till I married a man with 3 and had 1 of our own - 4 boys now from 21 - 39. Yes, I'm that woman who had a baby at 40 and learned quickly in elementary school that boys were treated differently. 5th grade graduation - mostly boys winning academic honors - middle school and high school - mostly girls. As a feminist who made it happen, I was happy for the girls but soon saw how boys were treated - exactly as described here. He's had teachers who announced"boys, look at the girls' report cards, you need to do as well as they do." to having many teachers - mostly female - start every parent meeting and encounter in the hall with "let me tell you what he's done wrong now." This message of teachers looking to "catch" boys, either academically or behaviorally permeated the schools. girls were rewarded for "telling" on the boys while they smiled shyly. Mothers of boys AND girls have to take off their feminist glasses and understasnd that they way we're treating boys in school and in society is damaging. We need change and this article hits it on the head.

[caesarf]

How should conditions change to help boys? Should schools institute a different code of conduct for boys and girls? Have you considered the posibility that these boys simply could not compete with their more talented female peers?

[Duffy]

How is this different than when you were in school? Boys were always getting "in trouble" more than girls. The only difference now is girls are being allowed to reach for their highest potential, which was not the case in the past.

[messytruth]

"This message of teachers looking to "catch" boys, either academically or behaviorally permeated the schools. girls were rewarded for "telling" on the boys while they smiled shyly."

We've encountered this again and again. Long saga of it that started in K when the little girls used to chase my son around because he was cute and tried to kiss him - when he retaliated - he was punished, once that happened, they were always watching him to *catch* him at recess, particularly one aide, that only had girls.

[StaceyKannenberg]

As a parent it’s a catch 22 – the more you are involved in your child’s school, the more you realize just how bad the state of education is in America!! Thankfully we have the PTA/PTO, which is a must for every parent, but where is the “Union” for our kids? Until the Teacher's Union, the PTA/PTO, parents, kids and teachers all come together to change education for the better and put the needs of our children first, nothing will ever work! Until education starts answering to its customer -- it's parents and kids -- it will never change for the better!

[raechel]

Customers: parents, kids, and the taxpayers, who must foot the bill for this debacle.

[StaceyKannenberg]

There are some truths to your claims: we have been focusing on girls with amazing programs such as National Take Your Daughters to Work Day, Mother/Daughter and Father/Daughter events! Thankfully I have two girls!! Throwing more money at a failing system, cutting out P.E. and taking the fun out of school is not the answer. This isn’t a right or left issue that just happened in the last 8 years…education has always been resistant to technology and change, thus the rise in school choice, homeschooling and virtual schools! Education needs to change to empower parents, kids and teachers to be part of the solution. It’s like the seatbelt law: teach a child to wear their seatbelt and they will catch you when you forget. Teach a child and what is expected of them for school and they will remind their parents to stay involved: “Mommy and Daddy, we have to practice counting to 100 for Kindergarten!” of "its PTA night are we going?" A parent doesn’t wake up and say, “It’s time for Sixth Grade, let’s get involved.” Sadly, if a parent hasn’t been involved from day one by they time they get to Sixth Grade – the average parent is at a loss as to how to help! continued.­..

[LordMoon]

Actually we're coming to a time in this country where we are living in the first generation raised by single mothers.

But any number of writers have remarked on the implications this has for America's future - if any.

Single mothers tend to see, a young boys energy, as pathological and or more likely to see professional help, to try and contain it. This leads to High rats of ADHD diagnosis, and medication for boys not for girls.

At to that fact, that American has a high rate of divorce in which the courts are predjudiced against fathers parenting, it means that young boys often struggle to have any contact with their father at all.

[cucumber]

then I guess men need to exercise more wisdom and caution in choosing the mother of their children, rather than picking these women who believe that children shouldn't have contact with their fathers and boys with energy should be drugged.

by the way, that doesn't answer to the schooling issues raised above.

[raechel]

Silly. I'm a single mother with a high-achieving son who is married and the highly-engaged father of two sons. I do not see boys' energy, or girls' energy for that matter, as pathological. And neither my high-energy son nor my high-energy daughter was allowed to have an ADHD diagnosis. Your prejudices are showing.

[Duffy]

Huh????

Single mom here who LOVES her sons' energy, always have. It was a delight when they were little and it's just as much fun now watching them play their invented game of "Ukranian Frisbee" (it involves throwing and catching tires...) at today's bbq.

I am totally confuzzled by these angry men who think women are out to "get" their own sons and turn them into girls.

[Jayne Faire]

Personally, I'd sooner see a single mother making excuses for her son's energy than condemning it

[Paros]

As a single mother (widowed) to a boy, I am comforted to find many examples that prove you wrong - including but not limited to Pres. Barack Obama - my son's and my hero.