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Karin Kasdin

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The Dog Question

Posted: 06/11/2012 8:29 am

Murphy the Portuguese Waterdog was my Marley, my Lassie and my Toto, except for one small thing. He wasn't a very good dog. Our nuclear family adored "The Murph," but outside of our home he wasn't about to win any Mr. Congeniality contests.

We spent a weekend at the beach with some friends a few years ago. Late at night Murph the Smurf stole the brownies they brought with them and then spent the two-hour ride home farting in their faces.

One particularly snowy winter I lost patience with him for dragging his filthy paws all over the hardwood floors and I tried to put booties on his feet. My thumb still bears the scars of the seven stitches it took to sew it back up.

When the Murphinator disliked you he kept his distance. When he felt a connection he scratched your calves until they bled or you fell to the floor, whichever came first. My shins were black and blue for nine out of the eleven short years of his life.

And if I could have him back tomorrow and start all over again, I would. The truth is, my middle son gave me more trouble than The Murphman ever did, and I never stopped loving him. Not for one second.

Yes, this is a dead dog story. Stop reading if you've heard one too many of those. We had to put Murphy down last week after a cancerous tumor caused his spleen to rupture. It was traumatic. Murphy was the only dog I ever owned. I use that word hesitantly because truly, he owned me. Before Murph I had no idea how much I could love a goofball animal or how much I would miss him when he passed on.

Murph saw me through three cancers. Nothing, not even my mother's chicken soup, was as therapeutic as curling up with the dog and running my hands through his ebony curls.

Murph saw my son through unemployment. They slept nose to nose on the sofa in the den for six months. Walking the dog was the only motivation that boy had for getting out of the house.

And Murph helped ease my way into the empty nest. He was home waiting for us when we returned from dropping the youngest off at college. When all the kids moved on to lead independent lives, Murph still couldn't get himself dinner. It's nice to be needed.

All that is waterdog under the bridge. The question now is, do we, at our age, with our newfound freedom and our love of adventure acquire another dog?

It's a Tevye the Dairyman conundrum. On the one hand the dog filled our house with energy. On the other hand, he also filled our house with shmutz. On the other hand, when my husband was away on business, often continents away, Murph kept me company. On the other hand, when my husband travels on business now I could hop a plane to L.A. and visit my granddaughter without having to pay for a sitter. On the other hand, I used to love walking him on the beach. On the other hand, I used to hate walking him in the rain. But those soulful eyes of his youth...but the halitosis of his old age...

My mother says we should take the plunge. My friends say I'd be crazy to tie myself down.

Help please.

 
FOLLOW FIFTY
Murphy the Portuguese Waterdog was my Marley, my Lassie and my Toto, except for one small thing. He wasn't a very good dog. Our nuclear family adored "The Murph," but outside of our home he wasn't abo...
Murphy the Portuguese Waterdog was my Marley, my Lassie and my Toto, except for one small thing. He wasn't a very good dog. Our nuclear family adored "The Murph," but outside of our home he wasn't abo...
 
 
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05:38 PM on 06/13/2012
Until you decide -- and it sounds like you'd really rather have a dog -- you can volunteer at a local shelter. Dogs there need socialization, exercise, and grooming.

My retired husband and I have two elderly dogs now, and when they're gone I don't think we'll get another. Partly because one of them is so perfect that I feel no other dog could measure up, partly because of the expense, partly because our cats are great company and also easier, and partly because not having dogs will make it easier to travel.
10:51 AM on 06/13/2012
I say yes because, to me, there is no 'freedom' worth having if it means I don't get to share my life with a dog. You have no idea what the future holds, which means you never know when you're going to need that unconditional love that only a dog can provide. I have two and they recently got me through a very tough time. They didn't say, "Oh, I have no time for your drama!" or "I'm too busy right now to comfort you." My dogs were both rescued and saving them and loving them, in the end kinda saved me.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SMK1414
just another community organizer
01:34 AM on 06/13/2012
I thought I never could again - painful saying good bye. Six months later I started noticing puppies and people walking dogs, etc. One night I had a dream - in the middle of a scene, for no apparent reason, my old friend Ozzie comes strolling through. I reach down and stroke his back, he looks up at me, I smile, and then he strolls away. I don't remember a lot of dreams but like a few, this was all very real.

I started talking about puppies and searching the net as I just knew I was already convinced to find another pale. So, her name is Sophie and she is a joy.

It is also true that people with pets are more fit and live longer, which seemed appealing to my husband.
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katzpjz
Behavior, not beliefs, make a better person.
01:30 AM on 06/13/2012
I gained total custody of my cats with my divorce. Being in my late 50's and them from age 14 to 18; I now run a nursing home for cats.
I had to say goodbye to the male of the pride, which I realized I became one of after my divorce. He became so much more affectionate towards me, he became "my boyfriend", so to speak.
People ask me if I would get another pet after my "old ladies" pass away.
As much as I love animals (I also grew up with dogs.), I think that I am done pet parenting.
I can't afford the energy, time, cost or emotions of caring for an pet again. I will volunteer at shelters and/or be a foster parent, instead.
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undrgrndgirl
what's so funny 'bout peace, love & understanding?
10:21 PM on 06/12/2012
the only reason you're asking is to validate the fact that you want another dog. just do it.
had it not been for my dogs when my husband passed away i'd have had literally nothing to get up for...now that they too have joined him...i have gotten two new ones...and again...without them i'd have nothing to get up for. (what with being unemployed and living alone)
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Rebecca Carey
Proud Liberal.
09:07 PM on 06/12/2012
There are so many dogs that need homes, it almost seems selfish NOT to adopt one.
After, a significant mourning period.
09:01 PM on 06/12/2012
Do it!
08:58 PM on 06/12/2012
I told myself for six years that I didn't want to be tied down. I wanted to come and go as I pleased. You know what? I never really "pleased". Not until I met Oliver, my Pomapoo! Best thing I ever did. 1st time with a small dog. I am loving it and him! I laugh, I walk, I care, I socialize, I meet lots of new people with a shared interest... I pick up after him when he eats my mail, my bra, my blanket. I love it when I go to bed and he climbs in to put his little nose in the crook of my neck and wakes me with face licks in the morning. I think you get my point! I'm less tied down than without my little guy!
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rowdiman
Um, Boehner: WE WON.
08:41 PM on 06/12/2012
Yes. Save a dog and they will save you:)
08:13 PM on 06/12/2012
Why not consider becoming a foster parent for a rescue organization. I did this after tragically losing my dog to accidental poisoning. It helped to focus on another animals needs. My foster dog was adopted after only 3 weeks care, but it provided us with much happiness at a very sad time in our lives.
02:11 PM on 06/12/2012
Don't do it! Retire and spend your days on vacation.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
usedtoberepug
Remember when Republicans cared about the middle ?
12:54 PM on 06/12/2012
Our cats decided this issue. They literally stomped around the house demanding dogs !. We always have two: Poodles earlier, Schnauzers now. They chew on one another when puppies and are playmates for life. Tied down ? We moved to Italy for 4 years with a five year old, three poodles and two cats. Having grown up as on only child on a working dairy farm animals have always been a large part of my life. I am not sure I could live without them.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Daphne White
12:42 PM on 06/12/2012
I say go for it! Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. It's good to be loved, to be needed. A new canine companion will force you to stay active and alert. (Although I do think you need to invest in a Cesar Milan video to get a handle on some of those inconvenient behaviors.)
03:15 PM on 07/12/2012
No please no Cesar Milan..

read http://www.amazon.com/Through-Dogs-Eyes-Understanding-World/dp/028563903X

and

http://www.amazon.com/In-Dogs-Heart-Deserve-Expect/dp/0679643710/ref=pd_sim_b_2

instead. Jennifer Arnold's work is research-based; his is not.
10:28 AM on 06/12/2012
Yes, best advice is to wait until you really feel the desire in your heart. My Fox Terrier died, and 6 months later I could finally feel the interest stirring inside me to get another dog. Up to that point I couldn't imagine any dog replacing her. I followed my life long dream of owning a Great Dane...not getting any younger! With my husbands blessing we now have Jackson a 9 week old Fawn boy. Although he mostly hears "no" at his age we can see him becoming the calm gently guy they have a reputation for and we couldn't be happier. Yes the dog has to fit into your life and personality, so pick carefully, but yes, go for it!
10:14 AM on 06/12/2012
You understand all the pros and cons. It is a choice you have to make. While deciding, don't visit an animal shelter, or you'll be hooked. I'm looking now at my aging Jack Russell Terrier as he enjoys a post-breakfast nap. He won't be with me much longer. I'm 66 years old and while I'd love to have clean floors and 50 percent of the bed at night, I know there is at least one animal out there who needs to be rescued from certain death. I will miss Odin terribly when he's gone. I'm already committed to rescuing a companion animal(s) who captures my heart. That rescue definitely will be my last. Right?
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undrgrndgirl
what's so funny 'bout peace, love & understanding?
10:23 PM on 06/12/2012
some shelters offer senior dogs for senior citizens at a significantly reduced adoption fee...