Recently when I went to an eye doctor for floaters, a common vision problem for older people, an assistant asked me if I had ever thought of cosmetic surgery for my droopy lids.

In a Kiehl's store I bought some hand cream and the cashier, in his white faux-doctor...

For seven days I was off the grid. Actually I was paying by the minute to the lovely Holland America people trying to get on the grid while work-cruising with 4,400 Ladies of Olivia on their 40th anniversary sea bash. Whenever I did manage to check my email, I didn't...

Pope Benedict has announced he will retire on Feb. 28, 2013.

When a CEO of a major multinational quits and gives just two weeks' notice, everybody pricks up their ears. Those who can hear through the deafening and tasteless "Ding dong the witch is dead," remix are wondering why...

For 2013 I only made one resolution. It's bad form to tell you what it is, so I'll just say that it has something to do with Melissa McCarthy. Got my fingers crossed.

For the Winter Solstice, a friend gave me an engraved cube of burnished lead on which is...

I've waited until after the glorious inauguration of Barack Obama to bring this up.

I can't remember if I ever cared that women were not admitted to the country club where the perfectly named "Masters" is played. I remember getting riled about some guy saying that...

Really I don't think I could have handled four nights of the GOP convention in Tampa. Thank goodness I was able to flip between tennis and the convention: The USOpen, The USClosed, U.S. open, U.S. closed.

It was like being in some horrible comedy club -- Tampa's...

Once again disappointment humps my leg. It's still early but so far this summer I have not been invited to one Higgs boson discovery party. And I have an amazing outfit. Not to give it all away, but I had consulted with several Lady Gaga designers.

...

Last Saturday night, the smell of overheating lamination machines wafted from Catholic Church basements in the U.S., Canada, U.K. and India. The next morning, parishioners lucky enough to attend churches not downsized by pedophilia payouts, consulted freshly plasticized pew cards for the new wording of their Mass.

Rome had...

One Saturday afternoon when I was maybe five or six, my Dad was reading the paper and I was watching some grim Dickens-ish movie on little our black and white GE console. A tattered, beaten down family was sent to a huge dark, foreboding end-of-the-line-for-you Debtors Prison. Under the big...

My galpal gets the Wall Street Urinal because she likes to know what the capitalists are thinking. I was looking for the WSJ weekly crossword puzzle in case I finished the NYT Sunday puzzle in a timely fashion or by Tuesday.

A full-page ad with the word "I-Tomb" caught...

Congratulations to all who worked so hard and so long to bring marriage equality to the empiric state: those who stood vigil in Albany, those who lobbied the halls, those who changed their minds, those who wrote checks, those on whose shoulders this victory stands. I'm still in a NY...

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, he of the Madoff mane, alleged rapist and head of the International Monetary Fund -- talk about branding! -- is not too big to jail. Tant pis.

Wait, wait, there's more.

Arnold reveals he fathered a child ten years ago with a...

What an interesting Women's History Month. They must have hired a new publicist. It's as if Mad Men's plucky Peggy Olsen took over the account and decided to shake things up. I don't know how the new branding will play out, but heck, at this point in the war on...

The mid-term auction kicked my ass. The gushers of money, the belly-up Dems, the betadyned Reps, the gloating media, my bummin' friends. At first I tried to be cheery but the jowly seditious Mitch McConnell, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Michele Bachman's pretzel logs of thought, the face of W on his...

Because of a long-standing prior commitment to some darling lesbians and a boat, I will not be performing at the Restoring Sanity Rally in DC this weekend. Not that anyone asked.

While I believe that humor can do serious work, I'm worried that the Restoring Sanity Rally will be a...

This morning in Ptown, I actually had goose bumps. The days are cooler -- sunsets are earlier. What can you do?

What we have been doing all summer is having Feminist Classics Readings every Saturday night at 9:00 p.m. on Commercial Street between our wonderful City Video store and Spiritus.

Unlike past summer films featuring Spiderman, Iron Man, or X-Man, this summer's leading movie man is the XY-Man, the sperm donor. In The Kids Are Alright Mark Ruffalo plays the sperm donor tracked down by the children of two lesbians played by Annette Bening and Julianne Moore. The lesbians finally...

On Sunday night, my gal pal and I joined a sold-out crowd of moviegoers to see the much-anticipated The Kids Are Alright at the tiny Ptown Theater. The A/C was a bonus.

The crowd at the early show was mostly Well of Loneliness era women in pairs and posses. Quite...

In Ptown we are cycling too fast through the themed weekends of summer: Film Festival, Portuguese Festival, Circuit Party 4th of July, and now it's already Bear Week. Up-Cape, Melissa Etheridge has already made her summer stop at the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Hyannis. I have already made my...

Here in gorgeous Provincetown, three days after the summer solstice, I walk out the jetty at the far west end of town. I have started many walks here in all kinds of weather, often with a burdened mind. Most days by the return, I cannot imagine what bothered me. It...