08/15/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A Fine Bromance

Bruno did not open as well at the box office as Borat. Despite a studio publicity blitz, including a faux fight with Eminem at the Grammys and his own best worst efforts, Sacha Barren Cohen did not take into account that real life pesky thing called homophobia. It can really hurt ticket sales. Call a real gay person; we'll tell you all about it.

Blame at least one lost ticket sale on me. I did not see Bruno. I did not go to see Borat either. I think I had a sweater soaking. My non-attendance did not harm Borat's success. I did eventually Netflix the DVD and mutely fast-forwarded my way through it for about five minutes. I should just have settled for my friend's tears-streaming-down-their-faces re-enactments of the hilarious, to them, hijinx of Borat with the hooker, Borat with the clueless Romanians, Borat nude wrestling his fat manager. With any luck I will not have to sit through my friend's re-enactments of Bruno's anal bleaching scene.

Usually summer is one big blockbuster "Woman as Afterthought Film Festival". Studio execs in their big plush chairs watch a first cut and realize there is not a woman in the film. They find some starlet on the cheap, shoot a few love interest plot point scenes and throw them into the plot stew. This year they are not even pretending. With I Love You Man, The Hangover and Hump Day, each exploring non-sexual friendships among white men, this is the summer of the "A Fine Bromance Film Festival." Of course there are some hilarious close gay calls, not that there's anything wrong with that. The bromances are tame tea parties compared with Cohen's in your face homo tea-bagging.

Maybe I should just try to "get ueber it" but I am not comfortable with the masochistic Jack Ass meets Candid Camera, you've been punk'd genre that is post-race, post-gay and post-p.c., and demonstrates that posture by being both racist and homophobic. It is so hard to compete with reality TV. GLAAD gave Bruno a less than ringing "it's not that bad for gays until it is" endorsement. For some of my friends Bruno is hilarious. What do I know? It wouldn't surprise me if Sacha Cohen is an invited keynote speaker at the March on Washington. Especially if he appears in gay-face wearing his tulip-yellow lederhosen