THE BLOG
03/16/2007 06:02 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day Bog!!!

And a Happy St. Patrick's Day Bog to you! Christine Quinn, NYC's openly lesbian City Council president is not welcomed to march in New York's St. Patty's parade. She's been invited by the mayor of Dublin to march in their parade. Good on her!

This just in:

Brrrrrrrrrring! Brrrrrrrrrrring! Another late night drop-off to a Slur Rehab located at a secure, undisclosed location somewhere in the frozen tundra of northern Minnesota. Open 24-7. An admissions counselor who requested anonymity because of the incredible stupidity of his job, said it has been very busy lately. "We've had Michael R., Mel G., Isaiah W. and Tim H. here. They were all treated and released. Joe B. was treated on an out-patient basis during Articulate, Bright, Clean, Good-Looking Black History Month. We welcome the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Peter P."

Last week's admission, Ann C. was a hopeless case, not because her homophobia was untreatable, but because it was misdiagnosed. While there were traces of homophobia, said a counselor who requested anonymity because it was so mortifying to work there, "For her, bigotry is just good business. Truthfully? I don't think she believes half the crap she says." Although court-of-public-opinion-ordered, C. was not admitted to the facility because she arrived with seventeen camera crews to document her anonymous treatment. Other patients wore their Slur Rehab hoodies low just to get to their mid-morning session entitled, "How to get the Mea back in your Mea Culpas."

The presiding counselor, who requested anonymity due to his own sexual preference, said "Peter P's case poses real challenges. He has no remorse for his statement and in fact feels victimized for his deeply held opinion of the immorality of homosexuality." In a radio interview, Major P. who oversees the daily conduct of an immoral, five year old war, had opined that homosexuality is immoral, much like adultery. "Adultery! Which we can't do because we can't get married either," added his fuming case worker who requested anonymity because he had been a partner of the presiding counselor for years.

In a separate news item, it was announced late this morning that Major Peter Pace has been nominated for the Golden Slurpee for "Gay Activist of the Year". "It's early in the year, but we haven't seen gay people this organized since Anita Bryant tried to get gay teachers tossed out of Florida public schools," said the owner of the highly profitable chain of slur rehabs, who nonetheless asked to remain anonymous due to the high rate of recidivism in his programs.