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Kate Endres Headshot

To Bring Him Home to Mom, Or Hang Him Out to Dry?

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DATING QUESTIONS
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The warm weather has arrived. Cue the weekends with the ladies to the various getaways to avoid the scorching weekends right here in the city. Seriously though, my 2:00 p.m. Summer Fridays hit, and I'm darting out the door to speed a CitiBike into the East Village in hopes of actually finding a dock. You think working or dating in the city is cutthroat, try competing against a flood of East Villagers all speeding down 2nd Avenue when it's finally the freakin' weekend.

Cue the excited conversations on the bus, in the car or waiting in the airport as we look forward to our next weekend adventure. "So, who are you seeing, anyone special. Tell me EVERYTHING!" Yikes.

In hearing about and sharing the latest dating escapades of us 20-something-year-old women, I've found quite the disconnect between the description of someone that you're casually seeing or somewhat interested in, to someone that you are seeing exclusively, and trust me, there really is quite a difference.

May I introduce to you: The "boyf." Simple, just like the name. It isn't for everyone, and it is crucial to keep the communication open about the situation to avoid broken hearts (or windows) on either side. With the help of some of my favorite weekend warriors, we've outlined a few key fundamentals to tell if your man is exclusive material, a fling or a "boyf".

A "boyf" may consist of any of the following, you decide:

  • A man friend you are seeing that isn't really a friend at all. Maybe you're having fun on a few dates, but hey, you aren't going to be friends forever, and once you stop talking, that will be that. People don't drop the boyfriend word casually, so respect the shit out of the "friend" word as well.
  • Casual sex. I find the idea of "friends with benefits" to be misleading, because if you're friends, things can get messy, real quick.
  • A love interest that you know won't last. Maybe he was engaged before and walked out on her for a reason that you can't quite pry into. He's fun for now, but rumor has it, he's hiding a big old bucket of crazy behind the charming smile and kind gestures.
  • Maybe you're moving next month, or are just having fun with your dating life right now. Nothing against him, but hey, you're just not in love, and aren't in the position to be right now.
  • He's "too nice." We all have a different take on this, but whether he's too nice or not, he is cool to meet for a glass of wine here and there to catch up, but you may find yourself making excuses to head back to the office at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday once he starts to delve too deep.
  • Rebound. OF COURSE this is a reason to consider someone just a "boyf." You want to fill that void, need someone to cuddle with on a rainy night until you get over it and round up your girlfriends for a wild night out to drown out your sorrows. But eventually, once damage control is done, you have no plan to see him afterwards.

Basically, you're still something without being serious. He is still expected to wine and dine you if that's your thing, or bring over beers and a movie after a stressful day at work. This type of arrangement is mutually exclusive, so be sure to choose wisely, maybe someone who also wants a casual thing, or someone who is new to your city looking for someone to try new places with.

The term is open for interpretation, ladies, but yes, if you consider him a boyf of yours, don't cry about it when you see him out with another woman, because you're clearly doing the same to him next Thursday with that hottie from the gym.