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Kate Moulene

Kate Moulene

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Why Legalizing Gay Marriage Will Strengthen America

Posted: 05/18/11 02:15 PM ET

Part 1: Legal Impact

Same-sex marriage is not a gay rights issue -- it is a civil rights issue whose outcome is critical to upholding the principles of the American Constitution and Declaration of Independence.

Throughout history, governments and political systems have clearly demonstrated one thing: societies are extremely unlikely to sustain liberty over extended periods of time. From the demise of ancient Greece to the fall of the Roman Empire, governments and societies have tumbled.

If we uphold and adhere to the precepts of our Constitution, equality is blind to race, sex, social status and religion. The person who earns $1 million a year is granted the same singular vote on each election day as the individual who makes $25,000. A woman must pay the same taxes on the money she earns as a man. If an individual of Asian or Italian or Hispanic descent is accused of murder, they are tried and sentenced under the same laws as someone white, Arab or African American. Our legal system does not have separate courts for Catholics, Muslims, Jews or Buddhists. Nor does our legal system prohibit American citizens, based on race or religion, from walking into a Justice of the Peace and marrying the person they love.

While the specific tenets and traditions of an individual's place of worship may have internal doctrines that disagree over whether two people who do not share similar religious or cultures stories can or should marry, the American court system cannot base its laws on subjective faith systems.

Fortunately, we live in a country where it is not the State's position to control private nuptial decisions, any more than it is their right to determine how many children a heterosexual couple may have based on their income. Placing gay couples under a separate legal code that discriminates their civil liberties to marry the individual they love is completely inconsistent with our most basic protections and freedoms.

Equality is not our only legal privilege. Our freedom of speech defends our ability to voice a personal discomfort, or individual moral objection, to all topics, including an individual's sexual orientation. However, to retain our right to free speech, we cannot selectively eliminate the constitutional facet that includes guarding each and every citizen's right to "pursue happiness." For any American, being able to decide whom to marry is inherent in that pursuit, and tied to our freedoms and our government not being able to control our personal lives.

Same-sex couples are denied hundreds of constitutional protections granted to married heterosexual couples. Imagine what it is like as a free American to be in love with someone and be told that you are:

• Denied the right to make decisions to protect your partner's life in a medical emergency
• Denied the right to take leave from work to care for a seriously ill partner
• Denied social security benefits for your partner or disability benefits
• Denied military and veteran benefits for your loved one -- even after you have served our country and put your life at risk to protect the principles of America

According to the New York Times, a same sex couple's lifetime cost of being in a long-term gay relationship versus married relationship can run as high as an additional $467,562. That is neither equal or just.

Much of the public debate surrounding same-sex marriage is presently focused on Proposition 8 -- an initiative in the state of California that abolished the option for same-sex couples to marry, after having previously granted that identical right.

"Initiatives" create a unique and often troubling problem. They do not follow the normal judicial system established by our Constitution and can create conflicting agendas and interpretations of already defined laws. They are citizen-constructed versus having been written by the actual legislators elected to prepare and vet legislation through our legal system. This issue is detailed in a special report in The Economist dedicated to the failure of California's government and its present economic collapse caused by voter-proposed "initiatives" which have failed to meet criteria that are legally sustainable.

Proposition 8 is very likely to become a landmark piece of legislation ultimately ruled on by the U.S. Supreme Court. I found myself deeply tied to this critical piece of our country's history after a lunch where I happened to make a suggestion to the right person at the right moment.

It was August of 2008 and I joined a friend for a birthday celebration. We were sitting in the garden at the Beverly Hills Hotel on a summer day, taking a break from being busy working moms. Across the room, my friends Michele and Rob Reiner were gathered with a group. On the way out of the restaurant, Michele stopped by to say hello. The beautiful Michele looked miserable and, in fact, she was. Her lunch had been a commiseration meal with a political advocacy team over the news that California had repealed the right of same-sex couples to marry.

"You should talk to Ted Olson," I suggested. "Ask him to represent the appeal." If I recall correctly, Michele's first words were, "Are you brain dead?"

Ted Olson, previously the United States Solicitor General, was best known as the rock star conservative attorney who had represented George W. Bush in the famous Supreme Court case Bush v. Gore -- and won.

Liberal and politically active Michele wanted to know what missing piece of my wits might lead me to think that Ted Olson would ever support same-sex marriage. Ted was my brother-in-law. While his marriage to my equally dazzling, highly liberal, sister had ended, my friendship with him had sustained. Over the years, I had watched this brilliant man discuss constitutional issues. It was inherent in his deep respect for America's freedoms and principles that he would be horrified at the idea of our government trying to legislate love. Michele and friends left but about an hour later, I got a call asking if Ted would actually be interested in discussing the case. A few weeks later, we were all having lunch at the Reiners' with several of the key people now working on the case.

Laws in which people try to impose their personal moral stance on national policy simply cannot be tolerated. While one group might find this a convenient method to market and manipulate public opinion on gay marriage, another group might find it equally convenient to implement laws that discriminate against women, race or an individual's social status or education. I could certainly formulate a stalwart and well-founded argument that a minimum education of a college degree should be a prerequisite for an individual being given the right to vote and perhaps even incorporate a viable element that defined why only the top 5% of financially solvent American taxpayers should be permitted to cast ballots on fiscal issues. But as appealing and logical as that might be, it would be unacceptable under a successful democratic constitution.

Laws embody the ideals of a democratic nation only to the extent that every citizen receives equal and impartial justice. Those laws must be based on objective criteria that defend our constitution impartially, not with subjective ethics. It is because of the critical nature of this distinction that we define the separation of church and state so that no one ideology bends justice towards any specific faith or belief system. In a country based on equality, the church needs to get out of bed with the legal system because only when that happens can democracy rest safely.

 
 
 
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08:16 PM on 06/03/2011
Well, I hope you have pondered all this in relation to your role as a mother. You are indispensable, and it is partly because you're a woman. A man can supplement and complement what you're doing with those children, but no man in the history of the world has ever been a mother. Cherish the role; it passes quickly and nothing you do in business will go as deep or be as important.
10:23 PM on 05/24/2011
Human beings need both mothers and fathers. Children progress through predictable and necessary developmental stages. Some stages require more from a mother, while others require more from a father. For example, during infancy, babies of both sexes tend to do better in the care of their mother. Mothers are more attuned to the subtle needs of their infants and thus are more appropriately responsive. However, at some point, if a young boy is to become a competent man, he must detach from his mother and instead identify with his father. A fatherless boy doesn’t have a man with whom to identify and is more likely to have trouble forming a healthy masculine identity.

A father teaches a boy how to properly channel his aggressive and sexual drives. A mother can’t show a son how to control his impulses because she’s not a man and doesn’t have the same urges as one. A father also commands a form of respect from a boy that a mother doesn’t––a respect more likely to keep the boy in line. And those are the two primary reasons why boys without fathers are more likely to become delinquent and end up incarcerated.
11:32 AM on 05/23/2011
Your motherhood is more than your reproductive organs. Your hormonal make-up influences the way you relate to your children, and your husband's hormonal make-up influences them in contrasting, complementary ways. There are exceptions to this, of course, but this is the biochemical basis for why societies have supported marriages for millennia.
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Kate Moulene
02:45 PM on 05/23/2011
Curious what your point is. Of course men and women are different. THANK GOD! And yes we have different hormones. Yes how we related to our children is different. This has nothing to do with why societies have supported marriage. Being different doesn't make someone a "better" parent. And being married certainly doesn't make some a good parent. Ask the 500,000 kids in foster care whose parents are married. Or the 900,000 children who have heterosexual parents who have recorded cases of abuse per year. Your argument is not logical or based on well informed information. We need to celebrate and enjoy our differences - respectfully. Best, Kate
03:35 PM on 05/23/2011
This has EVERYthing to do with why societies have supported marriage. Complementarity of gender in the way we are all raised is critically important, and that is why, as you said, we should celebrate our differences. In the marital relationship, they tend to complement each other. Sure, there are bad parents. But 90 percent of prisoners have no good recollection of a father, which is partly related to the particular kind of love and discipline that a male parent tends to provide. The mental illness stats are relevant too. Masculine love applies especially to older children, as the special qualities of a mother are particularly important as they apply to younger children. The abuse and foster care stats indicate all the more strongly that we have to restore the social support for placing top priority on marital standards, including strict fidelity and loving attentiveness, and put a stop to the anything-goes delusion.
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Dale Andersen
I use my real name...and you don't...
03:08 PM on 05/22/2011
Strengthen or not, gays will always lose at the ballot box and win in the courts. It's a fact of life. Deal...

http://playwrighter.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-found-this-photo-on-website-somewhere.html
04:20 PM on 05/24/2011
This WILL change. As my generation ages, we will fix the the mistakes of our elders and let our friends and family find happiness in marriage. There will be gay marriages and families, and this country will be better off for it.
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Contact1972
BigGayInc
04:59 PM on 06/02/2011
Civil rights of citizens shouldn't be put up to popular vote to begin with.
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Atwill
Christian puppets scare me
03:01 PM on 05/22/2011
where are all these gay people who are announcing it? I have only had one person announce it to me and that was my kid. and my answer was "About dang time ya told me. I knew for two years. Go do your homework." Straight people announce it all the time. But you dont consider a straight man saying "Hello, this is my wife", as an annnouncement that you are straight but it is. Yet if a gay gay says "This is my husband" you call it announcing and wrong.
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
01:03 PM on 05/22/2011
Marriage is a good thing...for both gay and straight people. It helps to stabilise families...if there are already children in the picture, it gives those children a sense of safety and belonging. I am not even particularly child-oriented and I can see the good in children being able to feel this way.

What burns me is all these "pro-family" types...yeah, they're pro-family, all right, but only pro- the families of which they approve. Actually marriage equality advocates are far more pro-family in reality than all the haters who say they are, but don't want protections and support for ALL families.
07:14 PM on 05/20/2011
A well-reasoned argument.
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ianmcc
Those who you let anger you conquer you
03:36 PM on 05/20/2011
Liked the article except for the fact that it is behind the curve in still using the separatist term "same-sex and/or gay" marriage. It's a marriage period. It is about Marriage Equality for LGBT Americans, no more & no less.
11:00 AM on 05/20/2011
Instead of this, there has to be a complete counterrevolution. For several decades the behavioral standard has been weakening and weakening. Fornication and adultery are glamorized in the movies and in popular magazines. The attitude of "anything goes" is supposed to be beneficial in the sense
that it means that were become humble and nonjudgmental. There's just one problem: It leads to chaos. Over 90% of the chaos is heterosexual but whichever way is, it leads legions of young people running around having grown up in an atmosphere of psychological and social instability. Restoring the standard, revolutionizing cultural attitudes, should be top priority, not throwing one more fly in the
ointment, such as same-sex marriage. Regardless of religion or lack of it, the culture must be restored for civilization to survive and thrive.
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Bill J4321
12:03 PM on 05/20/2011
So, because 'over 90% of the chaos' is heterosexual in nature, the freedoms of LGBT citizens must be abridged?

You've just made an argument for limiting the freedoms of heterosexuals, not LGBT citizens.
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TBJ
Irrelevent Blurb
02:10 PM on 05/20/2011
I think you're suffering from a case of nostalgia goggles.

And this incredibly undefined chaos you speak of shows no connection to gay people getting married whatsoever.
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03:41 PM on 05/22/2011
If you're old enough to have experienced the Sixties, then you will remember how the sexual revolution proceeded step by step, starting with lessening of the stigma of divorce and of encounters among unmarried adults and then moving toward lessening of other stigmas, including of homosexuality. These developments have, on the whole, weakened the framework of love in which people should grow up.
02:35 AM on 05/20/2011
I love seeing articles like this out there! It's great to know that more people are rallying behind gay marriage! As someone who moved from a state that gay marriage was legal (Massachusetts) to a state where it's still an issue (California), it is great to see that many straight allies are coming forward and letting their voice be heard as to why they believe in it as well. A great read, and I am looking forward to reading part two :)
12:06 AM on 05/20/2011
What a fantastic and enlightening article! Marriage is a conservative idea, and yet it's the conservatives that seem to have issue with it. My partner and I took the plunge during the legal window and have three wonderful children that begged us to do it. Looking back, our commitment is the same whether we actually did it legally or not. But in addition to all the legal ramifications/benefits, it really came down to our kids wanting and deserving married parents. Our children are well-rounded, smart and extremely wanted and loved. Parenting has nothing to do with being gay. You make so many great points in your article. I truly hope one day this will be a non-issue and everyone can live and let live. Thank you for writing this article from the bottom of my heart...
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
12:41 PM on 05/22/2011
Fanned and faved. I would like to point out that conservatives tend to be OK with the idea of marriage but only for those of whom they approve. Glad you were able to marry in that window of time so that your marriage is legal in the state of CA.
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dpaler4
Corpsman up! They call me Doc!
11:04 PM on 05/19/2011
I really enjoyed reading this article. It was right on point. Same sex marriage is a deep emotional commitment between two adults and the government has no place in the equation. Unfortunately the government believes that 2 individuals are not smart enough to know yet understand what their hearts feel. It is not real unless it has the official government stamp on it in their eyes. Love is blind, justice should be blind and God sees the heart of a person.
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
03:46 AM on 05/21/2011
Fanned and faved. Haters seem to think that a GLBT orientation is simply a bundle of "behaviours". It is so much more. Sex is actually a very small part of my married life. It is much more about loving my husband more than anyone else in the world and wanting to share the rest of my life with him. To say that the GLBT orientation simply consists of "behaviours" is a slap in the face of every GLBT person.
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10:49 PM on 05/19/2011
As a person in an Equality Marriage one of the 18000+ couples who got married legally I don't want the EQCA group to go for a Ballot measure to repeal 8. I want Olsen and Bois to kick NOM out of our State for good because if its the Federal Ruling They can't do what they did in Arizona and put it on to the ballot till it passed and then do a run around of the courts.
07:28 PM on 05/19/2011
How ironic is it that someone like Rob Reiner would support gay marriage and censorship in movies at the same time? The inconsistencies make me laugh sometimes, but then I just end up horrified.
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Kate Moulene
10:25 PM on 05/19/2011
Perhaps since you are making such a blatant accusation in print you would like to back it up with some fact. Mr. Reiner certainly does support gay marriage, but the idea he supports "censorship" in movies or anything else is incorrect. Inconsistencies can be funny things---inaccurate comments are not, and as you noted, horrifying.
02:02 AM on 05/20/2011
Filmmaker Rob Reiner -- a cofounder of Castle Rock Entertainment -- is reportedly upset by what he sees in many films these days, and he plans to do something about it. In fact, he's so upset about this thing, anyone who wants to depict it in a Castle Rock film must meet with Reiner first in order to justify its inclusion.
So what's got Rob so upset? Gratuitous violence? Casual sex? Disrespect toward Christianity? Bias against Big Business? Is that what he wants to cut down or eliminate? No, of course not. That would be censorship. He wants to get rid of smoking. There's too much smoking in movies.
To quote Mr. Reiner, "Movies are basically advertising cigarettes to kids." No knock on Rob. In fact, I agree with him. But why is smoking open to censorship and not these other issues? And what happened to Hollywood's argument that movies and TV shows don't cause bad behavior, they just reflect it? Or is it merely a health issue? But surely, health is involved when it comes to violence and casual sex. The answer is, there is no answer. It's just Hollywood being Hollywood. It's monumental hypocrisy. Kids can't pick up bad habits from what they watch... oh, except for smoking.
http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles/SajakHollywood.php
02:02 AM on 05/20/2011
While I understand my comment was likely in poor taste, I hope this provides an explanation as to why I would make such a claim. I've always supported same-sex marriage, but upon hearing the name "Rob Reiner", I became distracted by my memory of the last time I saw him mentioned within the media(in reference to his supporting higher film ratings/outright bans of movies with any smoking present).
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Bob Kellerman
Let's have more sanity toward each other
03:16 PM on 05/21/2011
SMOKING KILLS MORE PEOPLE THAN AIDS, HEART DISEASE, BREAST CANCER, ETC
COMBINED

SMOKING COSTS MORE OF YOUR HEALTHCARE $ THAN ALL THOSE COMBINED

Even if you are a smoker, how can you criticize someone whose suggestion will help save lives and balance the budget?
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CornetMustich
07:07 AM on 05/19/2011
It's the right thing to do morally and economically.
Cheers, Joe Mustich, CT Justice of the Peace (USA)
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Ioan Lightoller
Proud Gay Pagan Man, Living Happily With Husband
03:47 AM on 05/21/2011
Fanned and faved. You are so right.