Charmed
In my life
I've collected mothers
like charms on a bracelet
each charm weighing
heavily on my wrist.
Always hopeful the pull
of the charms
would help me to
feel my ground.
My covert obsession
scanning the horizon
longing for another
more luminous
than the last.
Always searching
for a glimmer
of my past
that never was
and never could be.
I felt her before I saw her
walking down my street
late last Tuesday;
her aura shimmering with grace.
I brushed up against her body
almost casually;
needing to share a few words -
wanting to experience
the soft touch of her hand
on my shoulder as I
breathed her warmth
into my frozen core.
"I am so sorry" I say.
(I will lie prostrate in the gutter for you)
"It's all right my dear" she says.
(She has no subtext)
My real life
mother is the antithesis
of soft
all hard lines and planes
no give there -
no breathing space
for me to arrive.
Feels as if I
have been waiting
seemingly forever;
searching to find a
safe someone to
help me exhale.
This morning I woke early
to witness the sunlight
dance through my
heart- shaped mobile
that hangs above my window.
The moment lengthened -
as a thought leapt through my mind
trilling like a tiny hopeful bird.
Now is the time
(trilled the birdie)
to raise myself out
of my mother stupor;
leaving my charmed
bracelet behind.
I shall tuck it safely
into my indigo velvet pouch
where I keep a clay paw print
of my beloved dog's paw.
For I do believe
that I can indeed
someday -
embody the mother
I have been always been searching
for.
K.A.L
