My Hunger
He slipped into the booth
adjacent to mine
this morning
at the coffee shop
down the street from
my mother's apartment.
He told me his name was Hugh.
When I asked if Louie and Dewey
were coming to join him for breakfast,
he did not appear to be amused.
Perhaps he was averse to ducks -
or cartoons.
Hugh was lit from the inside
he seemed both
birthday candles
and birthday cake.
My heartbeat.
My hunger.
I want it.
I want it.
Hugh was wearing a
beaded tiger's eye bracelet
that immediately grabbed
my attention.
I had to have one
just like his,
even though
I had long ago
given up jewelry-
even though
I had long ago
given up on men.
I lusted after his bracelet
believing if I owned a
bracelet like Hugh's,
his super powers
might rub off on me.
Hugh told me about Jasmine
who sold her jewelry
on the street
outside of his yoga studio.
Of course
he practiced yoga,
I'm sure he brought
his own mat
made out of
organically grown hemp.
After some not so subtle prodding,
Hugh gave me Jasmine's number.
I could feel myself inching closer
to the magic.
I sent Jasmine a text and
she replied instantly.
" Come over right away! I live in St Henri"
which meant nothing to me
since I am directionally challenged
on the best of days.
"Is that far?" I asked
"I don't have a car and I will be
walking with my dog."
"It's not far at all" said Jasmine
"Just walk down Greene Street, turn left
onto St. Jacques. It should take you less
than twenty minutes."
So off we go
my puppy Lucille and me,
intrepid journeywoman
and her trusty companion.
Except that it doesn't take us
twenty minutes
or thirty minutes
or even forty,
but I tell
myself I don't care
because it's all downhill,
because it's a sunny day,
because Lucille is happy,
because the eye of the tiger
is calling me home.
I reach my destination
and knock boldly on her
crimson coloured door.
A woman of Rubenesque
proportions opens the door
and says "Welcome, I'm Jasmine!"
My heartbeat.
My hunger.
I want it.
I want it.
"I have been walking on my knees
for a hundred miles through
the desert repenting." I said
"Well then you must be thirsty"
said she.
She offered Lucille and I
water from her well.
I had never tasted water
so pure and so sweet.
Jasmine brought out
her baubles for me
to admire. She had bracelets
made with amethysts
garnets, lapis and hematite.
She had bracelets with charms
of gold and silver and copper,
but no tiger's eye in sight.
I asked Jasmine if she could make me
the same bracelet as she had made
for Hugh.
"I'm so sorry" said Jasmine
"Hugh is special and I made
that bracelet just for him"
And just like that,
with one little snap,
I was banished from the island
where hope and hearth and family
reside and I
most definitely, now never will.
My eyes immediately filled with
tears, as I struggled
to pull myself together,
Jasmine offered me a consolation
prize.
A bracelet made of Hawk's Eye.
Hawk's Eye? I was never a good loser,
never satisfied just to be nominated,
and often when the going got tough,
I just got
out.
So there I was
my tears staining
her cherry wood
table, as Jasmine gently
took my hand and placed
the bracelet on my wrist.
"Look Katharine, I think
the Hawk's Eye suits
your colouring much better."
"And if Tiger's Eye is the sun, then
Hawk's Eye is the moon, and didn't
you just tell me that your
favourite colour was grey?"
I did and it is and I have always
loved the moon more than the sun,
for I am a Lesbian after all!
But the hunger..
my hunger ..
my wanting ..
will never be sated by
baubles and bling
Reality TV
and other shiny things.
I get that- I truly do
but sometimes the wanting
is the closest I get to feeling
connected to something bigger
than myself.
My heartbeat.
My hunger.
I want it.
I want it.
K.A.L
