Transracial Adoption: Is Love Enough?

The rights and wrongs of transracial adoption are in the news in the U.K. again, as the coalition government has proudly pronounced that race should not be a bar in adoption and that too many dual-heritage children are "languishing" in the British care system. The new government is giving British social workers a hard time here, claiming that too many are politically correct and are denying dual-heritage children the chance of a loving family life through adoption.

Our system, with its many checks and balances, is clearly a little different from the American system, where celebrities like Madonna seem to face few bars in adopting children from abroad and where inter-country adoption is easier than in the U.K.

I wasn't surprised to be asked to comment on this again, by the BBC and others, as there aren't that many transracial adoptees around on this side of the water who do talk about their experiences. In fact, I think I can count us on one hand. I haven't changed my mind much about trans-racial adoption since I first started writing and making films about it 15 years ago. I can say, confidently, that it worked for me. But I caution against extrapolating some universal truth from that. It certainly doesn't work for everybody, and it does have its pitfalls.

When I visited my birth father in Iran a few years ago, I was struck by the fact that at last I looked like everybody else -- for the first time in my life. But I was baffled by the fact that I couldn't speak the language. Conversely, when I go to rural areas in Britain, I feel completely at home, yet I look completely out of place -- and yes, I do get asked where I'm from, and no, the answer "London" doesn't cut much ice). I drink Earl Grey tea, eat pies and pasties whenever I can and love rice pudding and my mum's roast dinner. No wonder that people like me suffer from what's known as "genealogical bewilderment!"

I feel sorry for the kids and the adoptive parents in all this, but I would counsel caution for anyone contemplating transracial adoption. This isn't because I'm against it, but I'm aware that it costs everybody something, even when it works.

Adoptive parents are supposed to be super-parents. They are supposed to love their new kids with abandon, but they are also expected to let them go. I was supported with great love by my parents, who encouraged me to go to Iran and "find myself." They looked after my children so that I could spend time meeting my birth parents. There can't be any greater parental love than that.

I came back, grateful for their love and understanding, but it was very clear that I knew more about myself as a result of seeing my birth country. So race and culture do mean something, in my view. You need to know where you come from so you can get going with the rest of your life. Denying the importance of this -- as the new coalition government seems bent on doing -- isn't going to make this very human need go away.

So is love enough, as American social workers used to say? Yes, absolutely, love is enough -- but don't expect that it comes without pain.

 

 

 

Comments

[Mirah Riben]

12:36 PM on 02/14/2011

For more hindsight views of those who have been inter-racially adopted, read:

The Language of Blood by Jane Joeng Trenka
Fugative Visions: An Adoptee's Return to Korea by Jane Jeong Trenka
Jane's Blog: jjtrenka.wordpress.com/
Outsiders Within: Writings on Transracial Adoption by Tobias Hubinette

These and others adopted by Americans - oh so very easily as Quarmby states - describe the mixed blessings of being inter-racially adopted. Life for them is not always as "color blind" as their adoptive parents see. They describe being "rescued" into lives of taunting and discrimination and never feeling truly at home, in the US or their homeland.

HOWEVER... the vast majority of transracial adoptions in the US are international. They are NOT assisting the more approximately 120,00 (of a half million total) US children who are "languishing" in foster care who COULD be adopted. While the debate over whether children are better being adopted by families of another race or remain in state care continues, one thing is for sure....

*** Anyone attempting an adoption across races must live in an integrated neighborhood and send their children to integrated schools. It is very selfish and not in any child's best interest to be the only one of color in their class, grade or school.

Documentaries on the subject:

Living on the FAULT LINE: Where race and family meet by Jeff Farber

Las Hijas (The Daughters) by Maria Quiroga.

Mirah Riben, author, THE STORK MARKET: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry

[Katharine Quarmby]

10:41 AM on 02/15/2011

It sounds as if there is lots more to say about America's adoption market. I look forward to researching it in more depth!

[Angelaaaa]

09:48 PM on 02/13/2011

I did not come away from the article with the assumption that the UK government was attempting to deny the importance of race and/or culture. Rather that a loving family of another race/culture will generally be an improvement on a childhood of institutionalization.

[Katharine Quarmby]

04:17 AM on 02/14/2011

The government is trying to shift the balance away from what they see as too much of a focus on race and culture. I agree that, as I say in the piece, that the balance can be met by a loving family. But I don't think it's without complications, and to say that all dual heritage children are waiting in care because of their racial or religious background isn't completely accurate. Another reason is that a growing number of children from all backgrounds are entering care because of disability, for instance.

[Angelaaaa]

07:52 PM on 02/14/2011

Surely, if the focus of placement is centred on race and culture, where a child is transracial, there comes the incredibly difficult assessment in early childhood as which "side" of the family the child will resemble later in life.

As a transracial adult, I can assure you that both my siblings and myself do not resemble each other at all - naturally we would not have been separated and placed with different families, should we have been orphaned. But which child's skin-color would have determined the placement?