Blammo! Liz Lemon is married! What the what?! Frankly, I would've been really happy if last night had been an entirely Liz Lemon-centric episode, since Tracy and Jenna's antics were never going to seem anything but feeble compared to Liz finally, finally getting her "special day." Then again, John Hodgman. So score one for Jenna's storyline.
Jenna was approached by Mustachioed John Hodgman, aka Terry, who said that he now owned her. Long story short, in 1994, there was a commercial for a drink called Surge in which Jenna was the reward if people collected a million Surge points. Ever since then, he's been amassing Surge points until he had enough to claim his prize. Jack pointed out that it was illegal to own another human being, so Terry instead requested her cash value, $800,000. Jack negotiates downwards, arguing that Jenna depreciated in value since the commercial, and countered with $2,000. Terry took it and presumably lived happily ever after with his Arizona castle and pillowcase full of meth. Meanwhile, Jenna was crushed that her value is so low. Later, Jack comforted her by telling her he was just trying to be a shrewd businessman, and sadly realized he's also been depreciating and was actually worth even less than her by then.
Tracy went to Dr. Spaceman for his insurance physical, and had a horrible realization of his own. He's had so many of his parts replaced at this point that he's totally healthy and his assumption that he would die young had enabled Tracy's no-consequences, crazy lifestyle. "I'm going to have to start living like there's a tomorrow," Tracy said, sending him into a sad montage of having to take care of himself for the first time ever -- brushing his teeth, opening a retirement fund, etc. While reading script ideas, he was hit by a cab and visited by Tracy's historically confused version of Harriet Tubman, who looks like Jack and who Tracy thinks was famous for surfing. "Harriet Tubman" told Tracy that it didn't matter that he was healthy -- he could still die at any moment. Overjoyed, Tracy woke up and immediately went back to living life recklessly by getting hit by another cab while telling Liz Lemon to go get married.
Which brings us to Liz's storyline. Liz was so bummed after a negative pregnancy test that even disco fries couldn't help, and a chance encounter with Dennis made things worse. Dennis had since adopted a baby, Black Dennis, with his wife Megan, which was easy for him because even though he's an idiot, he's a married idiot. Liz was infuriated that she had put herself on so many lists and still hadn't been able to adopt.
Since marriage appeared to be the one thing holding her back, Liz and Criss got sarcastically engaged, and then got real engaged and sealed it with a Top Gun high five. Due to feminism, society, gender stereotypes and all that jazz, Liz fought the urge to go all "It's my special day!" about it, so she and Criss headed down to City Hall in old clothes. Criss, being the charming elf prince he is, realized that deep down, she did want to ring the day in right and pretended to forget his birth certificate, then called in Dennis and Megan (and Black Dennis), in order to force Liz to admit that she really did want to be a princess that day. And that's how, resplendent in her white Princess Leia costume and brass knuckle rings that Criss scored at police auction, with Jack by her side, Liz Lemon finally got married.
A few disjointed thoughts and decontextualized highlights from the episode:
- The return of Saul Rosenbear! He's actually got a pretty rich character background at this point. The lamb, the gardening, the son from a previous marriage ...
- Tony Bennett! Enough said.
- Jack's wistful line: "I remember when Bravo used to air operas."
- During the credits, Liz Lemon owning the fact that she's not a homely mess. Sometimes the jokes about how unappealing Liz Lemon is can evoke an eye roll worthy of Liz herself since anyone with eyes is aware that Tina Fey is lovely.
- Jack slipping Criss an official approval card after the wedding. So many warm fuzzies!
- Thanks to Jenna's partying lifestyle, her internal organs will get you nothing on the black market.
- The hilarious and endearing exchanges between Criss and Liz where Liz wrestles with whether wanting a special wedding day makes her a bad feminist or is a cop out to gender stereotypes.
- The fact that Jack can go from suit to tux "The Sims"-style -- by turning around
- Jack's reading choice for the wedding: Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead"
- "I haven't seen anything in the news about attitudes toward marriage changing forever because of one brave woman, is everything okay?"
So just like that, Liz Lemon is a married woman (for the second time, I suppose, if we're counting her short stint as Mrs. Jack Donaghy). I have to admit, Criss continues to win me over more and more, so while I may have been skeptical at first, I think I'm going to have to echo Jack's official approval.
Congratulations, Liz Lemon!