THE BLOG
11/18/2013 03:06 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2014

Change Your Shoes and Step Into Fearless Conversations!

Step out of your safe shoes and have the conversations of which you are most fearful. You need to step into your fear in order to step forward! That starts by having fearless conversations that take you far out of your safety zone, but directly into your freedom.

At a recent women's retreat I held, it was clear how many of us hold ourselves back by not having the fearless conversations that can move us forward. So, I write this in the spirit of helping you take flight into all you desire in your life.

The secret to our freedom lies in our fears. The things that keep us "stuck in the same old shoes" are often our fears from the past that keep us from stepping forward. Those fears frequently come from experiences that have made us feel "less than," unworthy, invalidated, and unimportant. Those fears may have come from experiences from our childhood, our relationships, friendships, and loved ones. They may come from loss, betrayal, disappointment, tragedies and challenges. However, these are all a part of the nature of our lives. We must move with nature and step beyond fears rooted in our past that hold us back and transform them into the positive momentum that propels us forward.

Our silence provides a sanctuary for our fears. Leaping beyond our fears requires having fearless conversations to express all that is holding us back. As soon as we give voice to our fears, we break the chains that hold us hostage from our dreams and greatest desires for our lives.

Think of any area in your life in which you feel held back. In which areas of your life do you feel "stuck in old shoes." Is your relationship giving you all you desire? Is your work fulfilling your dreams? Are you looking and feeling physically and mentally healthy?

Think about the fear that is preventing you from stepping into all you desire in those areas of your life. Once you identity the fear, you can have a fearless conversation to move beyond the fear. Dig deep and be true to yourself about your deepest fears. The deeper you dig and the more truth you reveal, the greater you will leap forward.

For example, if you are not experiencing the intimacy you desire in your relationship, you may be fearful that your partner is no longer attracted to you. If your work is not fulfilling your dreams, you may be fearful that you have made the wrong choices and it is too late to change. If you are not feeling as well and healthy as you desire, you may fear that you will fail in your efforts to become healthy, and end up feeling even worse about yourself. Remember, a lack of time is never the answer to why we are not moving forward, so if that is your answer, dig deeper!

The Dalai Lama, in The Art of Happiness said, "The secret to my own happiness, my own good future, is within my own hands. I must not miss that opportunity."

Are you prepared to give yourself 30 minutes to create opportunities for happiness beyond your fears? If so, take 30 minutes and walk yourself through these steps and you will be ready to have the fearless conversations that will take you beyond your fears and into happiness.

  1. Write down these eight areas of your life vertically on a page: Relationships, Work, Health and Wellness, Wealth, Recreation and Play, Spiritual and Self-Development, Community Contribution, Other.
  2. Next to each life area, write down the one biggest thing that is keeping you stuck, and holding you back. For example, "I am not having the intimacy I want with my partner."
  3. Next to each thing that is keeping you stuck, write down your fear (remember, dig deep and be real with yourself!). For example, "I'm afraid my partner no longer desires me and we are becoming less important to each other." When the fear feels really uncomfortable, you know you are on to something real!
  4. Next to your fear, write down your greatest desire for each area of your life. For example, "I want to have intimate and "alone" time with my partner at least once each week and feel loved, caressed, and desired beyond my dreams!" (Don't hold back with what you truly desire -- you deserve it all!).
  5. Next to your desire, write down just one "next step" that will move you forward. For example, "Make "alone time" with my partner each week to express our love and intimacy."
  6. Have the fearless conversation that will move you forward based upon the answers from above. Be brave. Speak from love, not blame. Voice your fear. Speak from your dreams and desires. Ask for what you want. For example, "I want to have intimate and "alone" time with you to express our love and desire for each other... But, I'm afraid that perhaps you don't desire me like you once did and that we are becoming less important to each other... Let's create "alone time" each week and give each other all the love and intimacy we want to express."

Each "fearless conversation" is the start of a journey. Each conversation opens a door and creates a path on which we can journey forward, one step at a time. With each step, more truth is revealed, more understanding arises, more insight is gained, and the next step becomes even more clear.

We can never know the opportunities that will arise from a fearless conversation. All we can know is that when we are brave enough to speak from our truths and our desires, we give ourselves the greatest opportunity to step beyond our fears and into happiness. Is that worth more than staying stuck in the same place, in the same shoes? Only you can answer that, and only you can choose to seize the opportunity for happiness that you hold in your own hands. Begin by asking yourself, "How important are the dreams and desires for my life?" Then, choose the fearless conversations that will take you there!

To experience a deeper, personal journey on the path to your authentic success and transformation, trial Kathy's award-winning book, Change Your Shoes, Live Your Greatest Life, here.

To experience a "Change Your Shoes" meditation to step into all you desire for your life, click here.

For more by Kathy Andersen, click here.