THE BLOG
07/12/2013 08:58 pm ET Updated Sep 11, 2013

Change Your Shoes and Leap Into Intimacy!

Are you getting enough intimacy in your life? Do you find yourself wanting more intimacy but stuck in habits that no longer stimulate you? If so, "change your shoes" and step into five new habits that will ignite your intimacy and reignite the fire within you!

1. Visualize the Intimacy You Want In Your Life.

Imagine all the intimacy you desire in your life. Imagine being fueled each day with passion and desire for your "self" and your life. Driven by your desire to have all of the intimacy you want in your life, and how important it is to you, commit to creating a visual image of that intimacy each day.

Find images that represent the intimacy you want in your life -- among your friends, in your relationship, with your family, and with your "self." You may want to search the Web for images, or your favorite magazine. Take those images and paste them to an online album, your phone album, or create a paper journal. Each day, start the day by taking five minutes to feel and experience those images. Imagine them in your life today. Feel their vibration within you. Commit to this habit for 30 days, and see how the intimacy you desire starts to manifest in your life!

2. Fall In Love With Your "Self!"

Intimacy starts with ourselves. Yet, often we look outside ourselves to stimulate our feelings of intimacy. Intimacy is ultimately about connection, and if we are not authentically connected to ourselves, the bonds we create with others will not be enduring and authentic. Rather, they will be unstable and break easily. Therefore, to create intimacy that is lasting and enhances your life, you must first be fully connected and intimate with your "self."

Identify at least one thing you can do today to be intimate with yourself. Commit to doing that today, and every day for 30 days.

Along your path to loving yourself, remember this quote from the Buddha:

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

3. Allow Yourself to Be Open and Vulnerable to Others.

Intimacy requires an authentic and meaningful connection to others. That means we need to let down our defenses, and be open and vulnerable to others. This can be a frightening experience, especially given that most of us have been hurt, rejected, or disappointed by people in the past. Yet, the only way to overcome that fear is to step into it, knowing that you are your greatest source of confidence and reassurance. You can only be hurt, rejected, or disappointed if you allow it. Once you allow yourself the experience of opening to others, and seeing it as an experience to come closer to the relationships and intimacy you ultimately want in your life, you will embrace each experience as one step closer to where you want to be.

See each new experience with excitement, not fear. Allow intimacy to be a key that unlocks another door, another part of you -- that awakens your senses and allows you to feel what you like and what you don't like. In that way, each encounter becomes a navigation beacon, allowing you to steer a course to your next encounter. Through your journey, you will awaken all the intimacy within you, so you can express that to yourself and to those around you, naturally and abundantly each day. The key is to be open and vulnerable in order to awaken your intimacy. Today, open your doors and let intimacy in.

4. Talk to Yourself Like Your Own Best Lover!

You can stimulate intimacy in your life by talking to yourself as your own best lover. When we talk to ourselves in loving, sensual, and inspiring ways, we can boost our serotonin levels and give ourselves the emotional orgasm that gets lost in our busyness and task-driven days.

We are emotional, feeling, sensual beings. Yet, we often allow the demands and tasks of our day drown our feelings with too much thinking. Restoring that balance means taking time to talk to your emotional being and allow your passionate feelings to thrive. Too often, we wait for our partner or spouse to stimulate our intimate thoughts. There is no need to wait for someone else!

Today, create a list of your own intimate self-talk, find a mirror, and talk yourself into your emotional orgasm!

5. Be Fearless and Ask For All You Want!

In our intimate affairs, as in our life affairs, we need to ask for what we want in order to get it. That means we need to put aside our hesitations and our fears, and be bold and brave enough to ask for exactly what we want.

Once we have a strong and stimulating vision for our life, and are fully and consciously aware of the intimacy we want in our life, then we will be compelled to ask for it, because the risk of not asking for it becomes too high. We deprive ourselves of all we deserve by our fear of asking.

Today, create your list of "intimate asks," and fearlessly ask away!

Kathy Andersen is a Harvard-trained leadership, success and wellbeing expert, award-winning author, consultant, speaker, and "media go-to expert" for life change. Kathy teaches people how to become their most successful in their lives, businesses, organizations, and communities. Kathy's award-winning book, Change Your Shoes, Live Your Greatest Life, shows how anyone can overcome difficult circumstances to achieve their dreams. Learn more at www.KathyAndersen.com.

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