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Katie Halper

Katie Halper

Posted: December 24, 2010 02:32 PM

Merry Christmas Eve!

A few years ago I proposed what I was sure would be a... permanent solution to the Christian "oy-what-do-I-give-if-anything-at-all-to-my-Jewish-friends" dilemma. I know what you're thinking my gentle gentile-souled friends:

  • Is it offensive to give people a gift on a holiday they traditionally and historically don't celebrate? Or is it worse to give everyone in your office Christmas presents except for the Jews?

  • These Jews are really into reading and analysis and they're kinda neurotic and think that everyone is out to get them so if I give them a present celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ are they going to deconstruct that as an accusation of murdering Jesus Christ?

  • If I give my Jewish friend a gift and he doesn't give me one am I, consciously or subconsciously, latently or blatently, perpetuating the cheap parasitic outsider Jew stereotype?

  • If Jews don't get a present, do they not... kvetch?

I suggested a brilliant idea that, to my surprise, has not caught on. But it's not too late! Christians, you still have a day to make yourself and your Jewish friends happy. So in the interest of interfaith harmony, peaceful coexistence, and tolerant egalitarian commercialist commodification, and in the tradition of my ancestors before me, allow me to re-post what should have been -- and hopefully will become -- very prophetic words.

I would like to give birth to a new holiday tradition. Forget the happy Hanukkah cards. How about a thank you note?

Who killed Jesus is a topic of much debate: was it the Jews, the Romans, a combination, Jesus' own father, a plot requirement? Yet the question of who gave birth to baby Jesus is answered without equivocation: Mary. Yes, she did so with the help of God, but it was Mary who schlepped from inn to inn before settling on a perfectly acceptable no-frills manger (a real find.) And it was her zaftig, child-bearing hips which really delivered the goods. I happen to like Jesus, who was a real mensch, and wish that the Church followed his teachings more closely. And I'm not trying to take all the Jewish credit for Christ's birth.  I just think that since we have, throughout history, been blamed for his death, we deserve, at the very least, a little credit for his birth. So here are some sample cards I would like to see. Nothing fancy, don't go crazy. Just something like "Thanks so much for the best Christmas present ever! Jesus Christ." Or "We were thrilled with a lord. But a lord and savior! You really outdid yourself." So Christians, send a thank you note to every Tom, Dick and Harry -- or Tov, Dov, and Heschie -- you know.

mary good

 

Follow Katie Halper on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kthalps

Merry Christmas Eve! A few years ago I proposed what I was sure would be a... permanent solution to the Christian "oy-what-do-I-give-if-anything-at-all-to-my-Jewish-friends" dilemma. I know what you'...
Merry Christmas Eve! A few years ago I proposed what I was sure would be a... permanent solution to the Christian "oy-what-do-I-give-if-anything-at-all-to-my-Jewish-friends" dilemma. I know what you'...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ryosuke91t
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle..
06:25 PM on 12/29/2010
"Festivus for the rest of us."
05:54 PM on 12/27/2010
Thank you for killing Jesus cards? Really? Seems kinda harsh. ;)
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06:51 PM on 12/27/2010
You can send it to your Roman/Italian friends.
cardiaccare
original flower child
04:20 PM on 12/27/2010
Jesus is the reason for the season!
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LeBelAge
08:28 AM on 12/26/2010
This is a brilliant idea!
12:40 AM on 12/26/2010
Oy vey!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ElBruce
12:12 AM on 12/26/2010
This is a brilliant idea. In fact, thank you cards to any Jews that you know should go out BEFORE any Christmas cards.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LaurieAnn
Wake Up! Grow Up! Lighten Up!
09:17 PM on 12/25/2010
We celebrate the Solstice and Yule in our household because we are pagans, but for all of my friends, Jewish and otherwise I give presents in honor of the Great American Commercial Holiday.  Everybody (except the die hard evangelicals) gets a good chuckle from that.
07:01 PM on 12/25/2010
I don't mind getting Christmas cards from people who don't know me well,But if it was from someone I am very close with it would seem strange and unthoughtful of who I am because they would know I do not celebrate it and I have another holiday instead. It's strange also that someone I work for (in their home) will no doubt ask me how my Christmas is though he asked recently if I celebrate it and I said I do not. I will say...umm my weekend was ok, thanks. I will think. "it's a little boring without much to do with stores closed". I will say. "did you have a nice Christmas"? I think it's hard for people to wrap head around someone not celebrating Christmas for some reason. Even though it has become an almost secular holiday, it's a national holiday primarily becaues it is meant to celebrate the birth of Christ (hence the name, Christmas). I am Jewish. I do not celebrate that holiday. Many Jews have a different view about some of the secular aspects around it but I do not. I am happy for people who celebrate it and hope they had a good holiday. More Jews feel as I do and would never EVER say anything because some of us have learned like Pavlov's dogs to lay low around being a invisible minority in a majority culture after what happened last midcentury in Europe especially. Younger people probably don't care as much.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
thinkingwomanmillstone
My life is microbiodegradable.
12:06 PM on 12/26/2010
I never complain when someone wishes me to have a Happy day...whether it's Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, Kwanzaa or Happy Tuesday. I once heard someone complain when a salesperson said thank you and have a nice day...they said the salesperson was ordering them to have a nice day. Oh the horror. When someone says Good bye to me...I don't take offense though I am an aetheist and it stands for God be with ye. I do take offense when people's religion invades and corrupts our political system but as far as greetings and farewells...I take it in the spirit it is meant..wishing me well. We can choose to be offended over everything or we can choose to give people the benefit of the doubt...if they are otherwise a polite and caring person...I allow them to make a mistake.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KsWrangler
06:50 PM on 12/26/2010
I welcome good wishes from anyone regardless of the occasion. I think is rude to disregard their kind thoughts and accept them as they were intended.
03:46 PM on 12/27/2010
Jesus was born in April or May, Christmas is an amalgum of a Roman death cult festival with a Pagan festival to make sure winter ended...
06:33 PM on 12/25/2010
Whatever it's called, whoever celebrates it...for those who take the time to be just a bit kinder to others..s'all good.
Me? I celebrate New Years.
 
Go Lakers.
05:18 PM on 12/25/2010
Happy Christmas to all you that celebrate it.
09:07 PM on 12/25/2010
Thank you!
05:15 PM on 12/25/2010
This Jew grew up in a Catholic neighborhood in the 70's in the Northeast where still, apparently, Vatican II teachings had not reached the minions. Neighbor kids stopped talking to us one year and said "you killed Jesus". My eight year old brain even at that age could not wrap around how I was responsible for something that had happened 2000yrs ago. It made me read more about it and I became indignant.
My view of my experience of Christmas is a bit tarnished by my experiences growing up as a Jew in a predominantly Christian culture. I don't talk about it and alot of Jews lie low around it and don't mention it. But it does get old for example not being able to go shopping on other people's holiday that is clearly a religous one because official US and State LAWS tell me I can't. Laws protect their holiday not mine. I live with it am not suggesting stores should be open, not enough people who could work without missing their holday. But I do experience a flash of irritation thinking "DOH forgot...can't do xx and yy on Sat...DOH must fill up gas tank".
I am too aware of history also. My relatives were killed and raped in Christ's name on his holidays (mostly Easter in Europe) for 600 years (including great aunt and uncle in Pogroms in 1920's). Yet am forced to mark his birth. At least Jesus himself was a loving peacemaker.
09:24 PM on 12/25/2010
jplanner, I'm sorry, and thank you for being able to see the difference between Jesus and awful people who use his name! Growing up a Christian, I always wondered how the "Jews killed Jesus" thing was perpetuated. It's cruel and wrong. The Bible is clear that Jesus' death was the purposeful, sacrificial act of God to fulfill the old law and redeem humankind. The authorities, both Jewish and Roman, were just focused on getting rid of someone who stood in the way of their power and politics, which is why he said from the cross "They know not what they do". They had no idea of the cosmic drama that was being played out. A basic Christian understanding is that it was my sin that nailed Jesus to the cross.
07:28 PM on 12/26/2010
"my sin"? What self-loathing.
02:19 PM on 12/30/2010
Not sure where you live. I have lived in the NY/NJ area for 13 years and honestly almost everything is open on Christmas. Albeit, they open late or close early but they do open. I worked for an Orthodox Jewish family for a while and they did not give me Christmas or Easter, I had to use my vacation days. I was irritated but I also understood.
ON another note, I am Catholic and grew up in a mostly evangelical area in Texas. When I was around 13, a protestant "friend" asked me if it was true that Catholics drank blood and chanted at church and "how gross!" etc. I suppose that's technically kind of true given the belief in transubstantiation, but I didn't really view it that way back then. Not sure why I'm telling all of this. It seems somehow relevant...relatable or something. Anyway, Happy New Year!
05:00 PM on 12/25/2010
Finally! A Huffington "comedy" post that's actually funny! Good stuff Katie Halper. Please consider writing more, because this site needs ya!
05:18 PM on 12/25/2010
yet my post above, I admit, is not funny. It's my truth though never stated before. I actually am not totally bah humbug about Christmas don't begrudege other's their holidays. I'd want my friends who are close enough to give presents to take the time to find out when Chanuka is, however. Have a very close friend who has trouble mustering that effort...it's strange.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Marianne TB
04:56 PM on 12/25/2010
merry shabbos
its candle lighting season. for whatever reason you choose.
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Aaron Cogan
Your Mom's micro-bio is empty.
04:06 PM on 12/25/2010
As an Agnostic (borderline Atheist) Jew, I wish us all the best of the season and Happy Holidays! If you've got a (hum)bug up your but, that's your problem.

If you feel the need to correct me and say, "No! Merry Christmas" I will wonder what deity would want a sourpuss like you in His/Her service.

With all that said: a very Merry Christmas, Joyful Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa and whatever other reason you come up with to knock off work and spend time with family and friends.
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05:32 PM on 12/25/2010
spending time with fam & friends is enough reason for spending time with fam & friends
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Aaron Cogan
Your Mom's micro-bio is empty.
03:41 PM on 12/26/2010
You just made an Agnostic Jew say, "Amen!"
09:29 PM on 12/25/2010
I agree. I'm a Christian, but I don't understand getting all jacked out of shape over a phrase that people use casually to essentially say "Goodbye". It's like objecting to "How ya doin'?" because people say it without really caring how you're doing, or "Have a nice day" when they don't really care if you do or not. Folks like this need to take a big chill pill.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Aaron Cogan
Your Mom's micro-bio is empty.
03:44 PM on 12/26/2010
And may I add, regardless of which calender you prefer, Solar or Lunar, Gregorian or Julian: A Happy, Healthy Prosperous New Year to you and yours.
02:01 PM on 12/25/2010
As a Jew, who grew up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, where you rarely saw a Christmas tree, I celebrated Christmas for what it was, a week off from school. I honestly think I never heard anybody answer the greeting of Merry Christmas with the buzzkill response, "I'm Jewish" until I was an adult. Since then, I've had intermarried relatives invite me to their house for Christmas (to which I always bring gifts for the kids) who then apologized if I'm offended by the presence of a tree. I told my cousin, if your husband is willing to wear a yarmulke to the sedar, we should be happy to kvell over his tree.

I don't understand the whole tsimmis over treating Christmas like a generic holiday. It is. In a country that does a pretty good job (until recently) separating church and state, Christmas is a national holiday. I think most people can separate the religious significance and the cultural one.

If some people are sitting around and one gets up to go to bed and says, "good night everybody", nobody gets offended and says, "but we're staying up." You say "good night" back. Maybe even "sweet dreams." Why can't we treat Christmas the same way. A christian, or even another Jew tells you, "Merry Christmas." Why say, "I'm Jewish." It's Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not. Just say, thankyou and Merry Christmas to you.

It's winter. Can't we all learn to chill?
02:21 PM on 12/25/2010
Excellent reply. I am not anything religiously I wish my Jewish friends Happy Chanukah, and my Christian friends Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza to those that celebrate it, and even happy Festivas to those that watched Seinfeld. It's just polite.
05:24 PM on 12/25/2010
I think you were insulated by growing up in a Jewish neighborhood from what it felt like to grow up as a Jewish child surrounded and judged (at times) by Christians so you have no old or bad feelings about Christmas. Some people do because they had to fight against a tide that felt like it was swallowing their identity. I posted above (it may be not appropriate and moderated out) how it was growing up Jewish amongst Catholics in the 70's and being blamed and not talked to when they found out in CCD that "you killed Jesus", amongst other things. I imagine growing up not feeling like a minority (especially one that is somehow to blame) really helps you be open.