The Real Tragedy Behind Craig's arrest: The Death of The Singing Senators

Today is a terrible day for America, public bathrooms, a cappella music everywhere. The arrest of Senator Larry Craig by an undercover police officer for lewd conduct in a public men's bathroom is the final nail in the coffin in which rots the once vibrant barbershop quartet known as the Singing Senators. Also called the Vocal Majority, the Singing Senators, or SS, consisted of John Ashcroft, baritone; Trent Lott, bass; Jim Jeffords, tenor; and Larry Craig, lead.

The quartet's beginning were as humble as the senators themselves. They started out harmonizing to "Happy Birthday" at the birthday party of fellow Republican senator Bob Packwood, a framee in his own right, who would be forced to resign over sexual harassment charges based on bogus evidence like his diary and accusations from 11 different people. The crooners had their formal debut at the Kennedy Center and then went on to record an album Let Freedom Sing in Nashville and perform on The Today Show. As their popularity skyrocketed, the SS started performing more frequently, raising millions of dollars for Republican causes and charities. They may have sounded in tune, but something was out of key. And that was Jim Jeffords, who became an Independent, betraying not only the GOP but the SS. Days before Jeffords defected, a hopeful Lott predicted Jefford would stay in the party "After all, I mean, what would we do in the future about the Singing Senators? We need Jim to be part of that harmony." But Jeffords abandoned the quartet, and in a flash the Singing Senators were over, a blast from the past. Lott never saw it coming.

But Craig would not be silenced and, the quartet's lead, used to leading, launched a solo career, writing his own songs, the most notable perhaps, an homage to Judge Samuel Alito, (to the tune of the West Side Story's "Maria"

The most beautiful sound I've ever heard/Alito, Alito/Alito, I just met a judge named Alito/And suddenly the name will never be the same/Alito, Bush just picked a judge named Alito/Alito, say it proud, that Republican saying/Say it soft and there's Democrats praying/Alito, may the Senate confirm Alito.

Singing was just to fun for this senator to give up. As Craig explained to Senator John Thune, whom he tried to recruit to the SS, "You've got to let your hair down and enjoy it."

Then finally, only two months ago, on June 12, after a six-year hiatus, the Singing Senators made a comeback! Purged of the defecting Jeffords, their sound was purer and the trio was tighter. Craig explained, "We're not a quartet any longer. We're a trio, and there are a lot of good reasons for that." Singing at a fundraiser for the Congressional Coalition of Adoption Institute, the three singing senators performed "God Bless America," country and gospel tunes, and the sexy Oak Ridge Boys hit "American Made":

She looks good in her tight blue jeans /she bought in Mexico/ And she loves wearing French perfume everywhere we go/ But when it comes to the lovin' heart/ one thing is true/ My Baby's genuine "U.S.A."/red white and blue/ From her silky long hair to her sexy long legs/ My baby is "American Made"

The SS had performed with the Oak Ridge Boys in 1997, so singing "American Made" marked a 10 year anniversary of Christian jamming.

Here's where things get fishy. This reunion show took place on Tuesday, June 12. The arrest of Larry Craig took place on June 11th, one day before! And the arrest report was entered on June 12th, just hours before the reunion concert would kick off. A coincidence? Or a vast left-wing conspiracy? The reunion concert had to have been widely publicized through the series of tubes that is the internets. And the arrest was surely an attempt to silence Craig and the Singing Senators. The former rancher, family values conservative Idaho senator is said to have solicited gay sex in an airport bathroom. And yet, Craig is so straight, he voted for a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage(sorry, Mary Cheney), opposes including homosexuals in hate crime legislation. And he's so not gay that when he was accused of being involved in a sex scandal involing male pages he said that made him "Mad as hell."

Which sounds pretty macho to me. If he's gay, why did he preemptively release a statement saying he wasn't when he hadn't been implicated in the scandal anyway? Sheesh. What could be less gay?

It looks like someone wants to shut up the Singing Senators....only this time...for good.

The Barbershop ensemble, be it quartet or trio, is the most wholsomee, most patriotic of all American all-male a cappella singing traditions. The values, the freedom-loving, and the irresistible melodies and rthyms of the SS threaten the liberal, gay, Jewish, vegan establishment bent on bringing down America.

Well, they may be able to stop the Singing Senators. They may be able to frame Craig. They may be able to persecute Lott, destroy his porch and put racist words in his mouth. They may be able to recruit Jim Jeffords. But nothing, not even pancreatis or Gonzolezean hospital-room harassment can bring down John Ashcroft. He will sing for the Senators -- he will make the Singing Senators soar.

Comments

[speakswithforkedtongue]

It is appropriate if not ironic that Sen. Lawrence "Larry" Craig (R-Idaho) opened his presser today in Boise with these words...and I quote:
"Thank you for coming out today."

See more shenanigans at:
http://www.myspace.com/thevisiondecision

[JPHogan]

For a man that must be used to cooperating with Capital Hill Security just for the peace of mind they provide cooperating with a Minneapolis, Minnisota sting may still feel just wrong and not even to be given even the least physical cooperation ever again. ??? What are we to think of a man from Boyse Idaho, is it like that foreign innocent once shot by police for when they asked him to identify himself his name sounded like gotagun or something like that?

[collierthanthou]

Is this what effete intellectuals call irony? To have him brought down by the same gay-baiting laws/procedures that he's employed/engineered to oppress. (Let's all refrain from remarks about his petard.)

[rabun666]

We were thinking that Ashcroft meant soar, but he really is singing about a sore eagle.

[AdmNaismith]

Considering how many of 'The Singing Senators' are crooked, incompetent, or both, I'm surprised any of them had time to rehearse. Jeffords seems to have had the good sense to disassociate themselves from this cabal.

One more closeted homo-bigot votes against my perfectly fine gay marriage deserves to get bopped in the nose by everyone who had to go to CANADA to be treated like a human being.

Lock up Craig; throw away the key. Doesn't his own bible have something to say about adultery and all the rest? G*d-d*mned, f*cking hypocrite.

[TankerRat]

I find it hypocritical that someone who is gay can use the bible to call someone else a hypocrite. May I suggest that you read what that book says about homosexuality. Whether you care to believe it or not is your choice of course. You'll find similar passages in the Koran,Torah, and Talmud as well. As to adultry, there are passages in all those books that cover them as well. The esteemed senator from Idaho would indeed be wise to review them as well but the idea of people living in glass houses throwing stones sticks in my throat. In another manner of speaking you would do well to make sure you are not a hypocrite before you call someone else one.

[rabun666]

Craig is wondering where are Jeff Gannon and Haggard the preacher when you need them. It obvious Craig is queer. When rumors persist for 25 years the rumors are true almost without exception.

[jackjett]

I am so glad I have all their CD's and will be selling them on Ebay.

It is a great loss to the entire music industry.

I am sure Craig will find Jesus and put out a solo project entitled...Glory Glory Hole I Blew Ya.

jack jett

[dailyrev]

I have the right titles for all this, here: www.dailyrevolution.net/?p=620

Nappy-Idaho's: come on, give me credit, kids, it's good.

[larry278]

Stolen from sardonic British wit during Oscar Wilde/Bossy scandal. The now disbanded Singing Senators have been replaced by a larger group of singers from both Houses of the Congress. The new group is rehersing [sic]a musical/comedy- The Bugger's Opera. They have come out of the closet & the rest room, into the lime light of the stage.

[memoirsofagaysha]

Larry Craig needs to thank his lucky stars he's a powerbroker in the US and not in Japan where such hypocrisy (the tensions between public performance of tatemae and the inner essence of honne) could ONLY be resolved with a ritual suicide.

[mommadona]

Well?

I'm waiting....3 Amigo Jokes....
come on...you KNOW you want to go there.

[radiojunkie]

you're wrong qbear, craig blows the high and hard bars.

[robertlockwoodmills]

"I loved you as I never loved before...
Since first I met you in that small latrine...
Come to me, e'er my dream of love is o'er...
I'll love you as I loved you...

When you were in stall
When you were in stall
When you were in stall...sixteen"

[roobeer]

"Let the eagle sooooooooaaaarrrrr...". Ah, that goat-like vibrato. I'll miss it. Not.

[tablogloid]

I did not know oral skills were valued on a senatorial resume.

[nighthawk808]

Good point. That's usually an intern-level qualification.