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The Top 10 Names for the "Pro-Life," Pro-Cancer, Pro-UTI, Anti-Planned Parenthood Amendment

Posted: 02/24/11 05:00 AM ET

Nothing says "sanctity of life" better than cervical cancer, breast cancer, and HIV!

That's why on February 18th, so-called "pro-life" members of the House of Representatives, voted 240 to 185 to defund Planned Parenthood, a premier women's healthcare provider for nearly a century, serving 3 million women a year in its 800 centers across the country. The leader of the crusade, Representative Mike Pence (R-Indiana), prides himself on being "a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican, in that order," promising during his campaign, " to deliver... legislation that will prevent abortion providers like Planned Parenthood from receiving a single dime from the federal government." The fact that abortion is legal aside, 97% of Planned Parenthood's services are not abortions, but rather cancer screening and prevention, STD testing and treatment, contraception and general women's health care, ranging from high blood pressure to urinary tract infections. But Pence apparently, didn't get the whole Jesus healing the sick thing-the lepers, the blind, the deaf, the mute, the blood-disease afflicted, the dropsy-sufferers, the hand-withered, etc. (which in all fairness you miss if you blink while reading the bible, since Jesus's healing appears only 22 times and only in the Book of Matthew... and Luke... and Mark... and John). But Pence has decided to throw out the unaborted baby out with the healing bath water.The resolution still has to pass the Senate. In order to get the Vote Yes to Life and No to Health! campaign going in the Senate, here are our top 10 names for the amendment.

1. The Anti-Pap-Test Amendment: Planned Parenthood provides nearly one million Pap tests each year.

2. The Pro-HPV Bill: Pap tests screen for HPV (Human papillomavirus), a disease which at least 50% of sexually active men and women get at some point in their lives. Approximately 20 million Americans currently have HPV and another 6 million people become newly infected each year. But this amendment means that even more people would contract the virus and the genital warts it causes!

3. The Pro Life, Pro-Cervical Cancer Bill: Pap tests also screen for, help prevent and lower rates of cervical cancer, which, though highly preventable and treatable, is one of the top 5 killers of women.

4. The Anti-Mammogram Bill: Planned Parenthood also provides 830,000 breast exams and mammograms each year.

5. The Pro-Life, Pro Breast Cancer Bill: These exams screen for breast cancer, which approximately 200,000 women will be diagnosed with and 40,000 women will die from this year. But if this bill passes, we will be able to get those numbers up even higher! As fewer women have access to these life and breast-saving exams, more women will lose their breasts and lives to cancer!

6. The Pro-STD Amendment: Planned Parenthood provides nearly four million tests and treatments for sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. If the Pro-STD Amendment passes, imagine how many more people will not only have untreated STDs, but will unknowingly spread them to other people! With HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes and more, the possibilities are infinite!

7. The Pro-Unplanned Pregnancy Bill: Planned Parenthood services help prevent more than 612,000 unintended pregnancies each year. But if the Pro-Unplanned Pregnancy Bill passes, there could be 612,000 more unplanned or unwanted pregnancies and countless more women without access to contraceptives, resources and education

8. The Anti-Fertility Bill: Just as Planned Parenthood helps women avoid unplanned pregnancies, it helps those who want to be pregnant get pregnant with male and female infertility tests, resources and information. But if the Anti-Fertility Bill passes, who knows how many hopeful would-be parents will be hopeless and child-less!

9. The anti-general Healthcare Bill: Planned Parenthood also provides general health care, such as anemia testing, cholesterol screening, diabetes screening, physical exams, flu vaccines, help with quitting smoking, high blood pressure screening, tetanus vaccines, and thyroid screening. This amendment would increase rates of disease and even death for countless women! In all fairness, at least the Republicans are consistent in their anti-health care stance.

10. The Pro-UTI Bill:
Planned Parenthood tests and treats UTIs or Urinary Tract Infections, which 1 of 5 women have at least once, and consist of burning pain during urination, an urge to urinate when your bladder is nearly empty, feeling like you need to urinate all the time, difficulty controlling when you urinate, lower abdominal pain or back pain, and blood and/or pus in your urine! This amendment would mean more pain and more pus! What could be better?

 

Follow Katie Halper on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kthalps

Nothing says "sanctity of life" better than cervical cancer, breast cancer, and HIV! That's why on February 18th, so-called "pro-life" members of the House of Representatives, voted 240 to 185 to def...
Nothing says "sanctity of life" better than cervical cancer, breast cancer, and HIV! That's why on February 18th, so-called "pro-life" members of the House of Representatives, voted 240 to 185 to def...
 
 
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03:54 PM on 03/07/2011
Great commentary, Katie. Cutting social programs is the low hanging fruit of deficit reduction. The GOP has demonstrated time after time that they're in the re-election and campaign contribution business, not the statesmanship business. Those served by the affected programs have no political voice or lobby to defend their interests. I often wonder how they reconcile gutting Planned Parenthood with their self professed "Christian" morals.
Mike Westlake
www.TheWestlakeReport.com
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
shamanbart
12:39 PM on 03/05/2011
The Pandering to the Lunatic Fringe Republican Base Outweighs the Health of Millions of Women Act of Desperation. Yeah, kind of long, but sums up what's going on.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
jennysez
04:53 PM on 03/03/2011
How about the "Pro-Forced Procreation Bill"

Or

"The American Knitting Needle Industry Stimulus Package"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
elijah24
Ubuntu
12:53 PM on 03/03/2011
How bout we call it "The Republican Woman-Killing Health-Care Bill"
11:16 PM on 03/02/2011
I think she's come up with a great slogan for the party: "Republicans -- more pain and more pus!"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ShinjiIkari
Do you understand how stupid it is to be afraid?
03:07 PM on 03/02/2011
Don't forget the Pro-Ectopic-Pregnancy Bill, Since most anti-abortionists don't want to admit that some pregnancies go south regardless (between 2 and 6 percent of all pregnancies according to the American OB/GYN Association), and that there is such a thing as a therapeutic abortion, they'd probably accept the mother bleeding out while the fetus "goes down with the ship".
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CHMB
What's long and brown and sticky? A Stick.
12:46 PM on 03/02/2011
Why don't we all just call this bill what it is?

The we hate women bill

Or.

The war on womens health.
08:20 AM on 03/02/2011
Well, I guess I'll call out the elephant in the room that that was a brilliant piece of writing. Ever since the "job-killing" lies, I've been waiting for someone to spin the bill-naming meme. Excellent writing, totally top shelf. You should be proud of yourself, Ms. Halper. Funny, poignant, AND cool! Great biblical reminders about what the true message was all about. Torch Pratt
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richj45
politically correct linux vegetarian
07:43 AM on 03/02/2011
how about the anti-self bill or aybi bill, (against your best interest bill) of simply the NC bill (no choice no care bill)
Javalation
Laughing in a Daydream
07:17 AM on 03/02/2011
Not to worry. The women who matter, the affluent, will not be affected. Only women who don't matter to religious, conservative Republicans will be affected by the destruction of Planned Parenthood. It's a small price to pay to appease the deluded masses who buy their lies.
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Lesann
The secret is negative reinforcement
09:05 AM on 03/07/2011
Exactly. The Kill all Undesirable Women Bill.

You hit the nail on the head. F&F
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Kara Kramer
10:10 PM on 03/01/2011
What indeed?
06:47 PM on 03/01/2011
This should be on the Front Page and Politics section as well. Halper just gave out valuable information for anyone who has to defend Planned Parenthood against the fools who want to shut it down.
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05:43 PM on 03/01/2011
I wonder what bible "christian" republicans are reading?
12:00 PM on 03/03/2011
Well since education is elitist, I doubt many of them are literate enough to read a bible. I'm sure that "god" talks to them personally.
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Lesann
The secret is negative reinforcement
09:06 AM on 03/07/2011
Possibly, this one.

1 Timothy 2:11-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b] she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LeftRight
TANSTAAFL
04:13 PM on 03/01/2011
Mike, got a book for you to read: Imaginary Jesus, by Matt Mikalatos... Once you're done THEN you can talk abortion!
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Hal Donahue
Concerned citizen tired of the lies
07:42 PM on 02/27/2011
it is ALL emotion and demagoguery. If the US doesn't wake up, it is doomed to the second or third world where it really would belong