The American people have spoken. Exercising their right to vote, a right for which so many fought and died, Americans have chosen their candidate. Last week, we at Republican Idol announced our intentions to discover the undiscovered talents in the GOP and/ or Bush administration. We asked you to help us identify these unsung heroes and shatter the myth that liberals have a monopoly on creativity.
Here are the results for the Republican Idol's Outstanding Artistic Achievement in Interpretive Dance:
Coming in third place, with 18.88% of the vote...Colin Powell For embodying The Village People's construction worker in Colin his performance at the Association of South East Asian Nations (Asean) dinner, his "SOS** Soulful Step Touch" and the "Colin Conga Line."
Coming in second place with 36.91% of the vote...George W. Bush for his spontaneity and improvisational skills in his performance of "You're not going like that: a Malaria Day Dance" performed on the White House lawn, featuring generic ethnic African moves and a drum solo. Honorable Mention to Laura Bush.
And the 2008 award for Outstanding Artistic Achievement in Interpretive Dance goes to...Karl Rove for his use of props* (cell phone and wallet) and capturing gangsta culture in his performance of the MC Rove, at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner. Special Mention to David Gregory for his "white man's snap & sway," which, in addition to being a great move in itself, served as a foil to MC Rove's urban moves.
And now, for this week's vote: Outstanding Musical Achievement the nominees are...
1) Capitol Offense, Mike Huckabee's rock band. The band, which formed formed shortly after Huckabee took office in 1996, is so named because it the band members work at the State Capitol, and, as Huckabee explains, "in the course of our playing...we offend just about everybody." Well, I would be offended by people who don't listen to C.O. In fact, I think not listening to Capitol Offense, should be a...capital offense (which in Arkansas means the death penalty.)
Governor Huckabee likes his music the way he likes his politics: conservative: "We don't try to play trendy stuff... nothing without a long shelf life." Forget lapel pins! Huckabee keeps his flag close to his heart, on his guitar bass strap.
The band is committed to the very mission of Republican idol. Huckabee said "We want you to prove today that Republicans can rock!" The band's name C.O. has opened for Willie Nelson, Percy Sledge, .38 Special and Grand Funk Railroad. But fame hasn't gotten to their heads. They're still "just some guys going down to the basement of the governor's mansion and jamming,"
2) For their performance of My Heart's on Fire on the Today Show...The Singing Senators. I've been an advocate for the Singing 4, ever since they were silenced for singing truth to power, as I revealed in my investigation The Real Tragedy Behind Craig's arrest: The Death of The Singing Senators. Also called the Vocal Majority, the Singing Senators, or SS, consisted of John Ashcroft, baritone; Trent Lott, bass; Jim Jeffords, tenor; and Larry Craig, lead. When Jeffords betrayed not only party, but the SS, things started to go downhill for the quartet turned trio. Craig tried to recruit Senator John Thune telling him "You've got to let your hair down and enjoy it." The arrest of Senator Larry Craig by an undercover police officer for lewd conduct in a public men's bathroom was a sham. Their real aim was to abort the rebirth of the SS. After a 6-year hiatus, the SS had organized a reunion concert for June 12, 2007. And on June 11, Craig is busted. Coincidence? I think not. This was an attempt to silence the SS. But they persevered, performing crowd-pleasers like the sexy Oak Ridge Boys hit American Made:
She looks good in her tight blue jeans /she bought in Mexico/ And she loves wearing French perfume everywhere we go/ But when it comes to the lovin' heart/ one thing is true/ My Baby's genuine U.S.A./red white and blue/ From her silky long hair to her sexy long legs/ My baby is American Made
Sadly, no video of that performance is available (more proof that the powers that be want to shut the SS up.) But here is a clip of My Heart's on Fire presented by my fellow SS follower Steven Colbert. Our heart's are on fire for the Singing Senators:
3) For his performance of Let the Eagle Soar, John Ashcroft. They may be able to stop the Singing Senators. They may be able to frame Craig. They may be able to persecute Lott, destroy his porch and put racist words in his mouth. They may be able to recruit Jim Jeffords. But nothing, not even pancreatis or Gonzolezean hospital-room harassment can bring down John Ashcroft. He will sing for the Senators--he will make the Singing Senators soar.
So vote early and often for America's next top Republican Idol. Come back next week to find out who the winner is and to vote for the best Republican in our next category: Outstanding Achievement in Literary Erotica.
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