What to get Mom for Mother's Day? How does one make it something other than a greeting card holiday, eliciting the standard flowers and bath salts? The meat of Mother's Day is in the stories - the ways our moms helped, influenced, and shaped us.
My grandmother died this past December, and my mom was faced with telling her mother's story. I sat with mom and my sisters after it happened, and as we looked through old photographs she told me about the Texas girl who married an Irishman (from Michigan), and moved to California where she raised my mom. Gram was an ambitious lady who worked first as a waitress and then became a successful accountant. She was a staunch Democrat to the end, always listening to the news for the latest political developments. It was this kind of influence that made my mom - an educated woman who took me and my sisters around the world, and is an activist in her community.
That's what gives Mother's Day it's substance, I think. Let's pay tribute to the women who raised us! Tell me an anecdote, an experience, a story about your mom and how she influenced you. There'll be a follow up post on Mother's Day with the best submissions.
Instead, why not show your love by doing something meaningful in her name to make the world a better place. It is surprisingly affordable to preserve an acre of the rainforest, fund an hour of cancer research, provide books for children, restore a blind person;s eyesight with cataract surgery, etc..
An exciting nonprofit website, http://www.ChangingThePresent.org offers thousands of opportunities from hundreds of outstanding nonprofits. You can even personalize a beautiful printed greeting card, which includes a photo and description of your gift.
(disclosure: this nonprofit is a client of my firm)
Brilliant!
I recently spoke with three mothers each of whom had a child expelled from the regular high school and sent to the alternative school. The shared the difficulties of raising children in a neighborhood where gangs are rampant, resources scarce, and single parenting a norm. All three mothers tearfully described the devastation they felt when they realized how unhappy their children were and how difficult life had become. That was the sad news.
The good news was that each of these mothers came to school on a Saturday morning for a parent program, one calling work and telling them that she could not come in because her daughter needed her at school. We spoke of ways to communicate with one's teenager, setting limits while acknowledging more independence, and to be as involved while respecting their adolescent's need for privacy. Each mother shared doubts and confusion, but ultimately love and commitment to their children. The students of these three mothers had made significant gains during the year, and two already student leaders.
As a psychoanalyst working with children and mothers (and fathers) I have learned over 35 years that when mothers feel acknowledged, understood, appreciated and responded to, their capacity for parenting is significantly increased.
Mother's Day may be some small attempt to do some of that. Happy Mother's Day to all mothers. Well done!