A Matter Of Trust

Dear Keith and Maura,

All of my past relationships have been untruthful and I was not respected in any way. I now have a man before me that says he would never hurt or disrespect me. I am ruining my chance for love by waiting for the bottom to fall out. How can I trust when I don't know how that goes?

Apprehensive in New Mexico

Dear Apprehensive,

This is a great question, and it's an issue we've seen time and time again with clients, family members and friends. It's very natural to look outside of ourselves for the answers, however, in finding your own personal answers to this question, we're going to recommend you start within yourself.

You say that all of your past relationships have been untruthful, and that you were not respected in any way. So what has changed? Did you do any work on your own self-trust and self-respect before you started dating your current partner? Because if you didn't, then your concerns about the bottom falling out could be very valid. If you always attracted untrustworthy and disrespectful partners, and you haven't done any work on yourself since then, why should this time be any different? If you don't treat yourself with love and respect, how can you expect anyone else to?

Only you know if this is true for you. So check inside and ask yourself:

* Do I trust myself to make the right choices? If not, what would it take for me to do that?
* Do I trust myself to create a fulfilling relationship? If not, what skills do I need to learn, or what habits do I need to practice?
* Do I treat myself with respect at all times? If not, how can I respect myself more?

And as far as "ruining" your "chance for love" -- that is also an inside job. As we've said before, the love you need most is the love that only you can give yourself. How can you love yourself more fully? How can you create a solid foundation in your relationship with yourself, so that nothing anyone else does or says can make the bottom fall out?

Once you truly learn self-trust, self-love and self-respect, you will be ready to attract the one who is truly worthy of your love, trust and respect. This may be the man you are with right now, but until you do the work on your relationship with yourself, you may never be able to make your current relationship all that it could be.

If you've already done this work, then chances are that your skittishness is just leftover from the old you, and in that case your work is even simpler. A few positive affirmations, repeated daily with consistency and conviction, can go a long way. For example:

* I trust myself to make good choices
* I am so grateful for my loving and fulfilling relationship

...or whatever has the most impact for you.

Whatever you do, please don't blame yourself. The fact that you are asking these questions shows that you are willing to do whatever it takes to have a good relationship. Deep down, don't you know that you deserve it?

Many Blessings,

Keith and Maura

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