Ask The Experts: All Broken Up

07/01/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Dear Keith and Maura,

I broke up with my lover last August, but still now I have his feelings. I didn't know why he left me without even telling me. I stayed for some time but now am dying of his love. What do I do? Please help as soon as possible.

Broken Hearted in Kenya

Dear Broken Hearted,

We can understand how you feel, because we've been there. When the one you love most does not return your feelings, it can seem like your world is coming to an end -- like life has no meaning. But if you are really honest with yourself, you might just find that the love you need most right now is the love that comes from yourself. We found that as long as our happiness was dependent on the actions of another person, we could never truly be happy. We had to learn how to love ourselves first.

So what can you do to truly love yourself?

Think about all the things you would like to experience from your true love. How would you want him to treat you? How would you want him to talk to you? Where would you want him to take you? Then do those things for yourself. Believe it or not, you have the power to make yourself as happy as you want to be. Then, once you have done that, and you are completely fulfilled, you might just find -- like we did -- that your true love will come to you easily, and it will be better than you ever imagined it could be.

Before we learned how to love ourselves, we settled for circumstances and behaviors that did not really make us happy, because we were afraid that if the relationship ended we would be all alone. But once we got comfortable with being alone, because we filled our lives with people and activities that really made us happy, then we were no longer willing to compromise what we truly wanted for the sake of a relationship. We had faith that if we stayed true to ourselves, then we would attract a mate who would be perfect for us and we wouldn't have to settle for less than what we knew we deserved.

And finally, when we each made our list of the qualities we wanted in our perfect mate, we made sure to include, "someone who truly loves me and wants to be with me."

Don't you deserve to be with someone who loves you so much they would never even dream of leaving you? Of course you do! So why would you settle for anything less? If you truly love yourself, you will want the best for yourself, and you will not be satisfied until you get it. Meanwhile, we recommend you do everything you can to learn how to enjoy your own company, and treat yourself so well that only someone who truly cares for you will get your attention.

Many Blessings,

Keith and Maura

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