Surviving the Not-So-Sweet Days of Summer

The summer is supposed to be a fun, relaxing time to enjoy, right? A time for being out in the sunshine, socializing with family and friends, and doing things that make you feel good. But what if you've got something stressful going on in your life, like relocating your home or business, making a major career transition, or dealing with the illness or death of a loved one? Or, even worse, what if you've got several of those things going on at once? Sometimes it's hard to see all the beauty and joy around you when you're feeling stretched to your physical and emotional limits, and this can have a big impact on how you relate to those around you, and how they relate to you if they are involved in the same stressful situation -- or a similar situation of their own.

When one of us is feeling at our worst, we want the other to be there to gently comfort us, to supportively pick up the slack, to be lovingly understanding when we forget things or get crabby or don't finish what we started. But when our partner is involved in the same situations we are, often he or she is feeling just as bad -- or worse -- than we are. That gives each of us the double duty of handling our own stuff, while at the same time being sensitive to our mate's current state, and trying not to take things personally when we don't encounter the gentle, supportive and lovingly understanding partner we expect. Then, throw in other family members on top of that -- like children or in-laws -- and you now have what could easily become a recipe for relationship disaster.

If you have recently experienced something similar, or are going through it right now, take heart, because there are some things you can do to support yourself, and your loved ones, and get through your current situation with a minimum of relational meltdown.

Go Easy On Yourself

First of all, give yourself a break. Sometimes it can feel like there are a lot of have to do's on your plate, but when stressful situations are depleting your energy and hijacking your communication skills, it's time to re-evaluate your to do list so that you are dealing with only the absolute essentials. Ask yourself: Which things can wait until tomorrow or next week? Which of them can I delegate to someone who would be only too happy to oblige? How can I break up large, seemingly insurmountable tasks into little bite-sized chunks, to make them more manageable?

Whatever you can do to lighten your load -- without compromising your own needs or those of your family, employer or business -- just do it. Even if others seem to resist this or not appreciate it at first, they will ultimately thank you, because you'll be better able to handle the really important stuff, and that makes it easier on everyone.

Be Unflappable

Make a decision that you will not lose control -- and stick to it. You are in charge of yourself, and you alone are responsible for your own behavior. There are lots of great tools for shifting your mood, like listening to soothing or inspirational music, closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths, turning your words around (i.e., when you hear yourself say something negative -- change it to a positive) or making a gratitude list -- either in your head, out loud or on paper. When we feel physically, mentally and emotionally depleted, sometimes we have to do these re-focusing exercises every half hour or hour, all day long. Whatever it takes for you, just do it. Trust us, it will be well worth it in the long run. If you have ever lost your cool with your spouse, your children, your business partner your staff or your boss, then you know how hard it can be to repair the damage once it is done. Better to take a few simple steps now, to save yourself from making things even worse than they already are.

Take Care Of You

How many times have you taken a trip on an airplane, and listened to the flight attendant's instructions on emergency procedures as the plane is taking off? We are always told to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, before putting it on for our children. This may go contrary to what our care-taking instincts would have us do, but the fact is, we can't very well help our children if we are no longer able to breathe.

During times of stress or crisis, it's very important to pay attention to your basic needs, and do whatever you can to take care of yourself. When you start to feel overwhelmed, or if someone pushes your buttons, and you know that what you feel like saying will only make things worse, you can remove yourself from the situation by taking a quick walk around the block -- or a quick shower -- to clear your head and get your energy flowing again.

If changes in your schedule or extra demands on your time have got you into unhealthy eating habits, sometimes small adjustments can make a big difference. Try choosing a salad -- instead of fries -- with your combo meal. Or keep lots of fresh fruit around the house, so that when you're craving sweets for comfort you can reach for an apple instead of a candy bar. You can still treat yourself to an ice cream cone once-in-a-while so you don't feel deprived, but keeping your intake of refined sweets to a minimum can support your energy and your mood, making it much easier to get through the challenging times. Health experts also say it's important to drink lots of water to keep your body hydrated.

See The Bigger Picture

And finally, try to keep some perspective on your situation. When you find yourself worrying about things you have no control over, or fretting over insignificant details, take a step back and think about what's truly important. Do you have food to eat? Is there a roof over your head? Are there people who care about you, and people you care about? Who might benefit from your support right now? To whom could you lend a listening ear? Offering to be of service to someone else can help to get you outside of your own head and can really make you feel better.

If we allow them to, the challenging times can actually bring us closer together, enriching our relationships with ourselves and with others, and moving us to the next level in our development toward our greatest passion and fulfillment.

Many Blessings,

Keith and Maura

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