10 Things Michelle Obama Wants to Say to Sarah Palin but Can't

Despite the fabulous wardrobe, and even more fabulous trips abroad, not to mention opportunities to hobnob with some of the world's most interesting people, being First Lady is actually a pretty challenging gig. Think about it for a minute. While the rest of us may not have the luxury of living in a great, big, white house, rent-free, we do have the luxury of speaking our minds -- a luxury that comes in particularly handy when we feel as though we, or worse, those we love, are being unfairly attacked. This is a luxury First Ladies rarely get to enjoy, as Michelle Obama has reminded us in recent weeks.

Displaying the discipline of a diplomat, she has remained mum on Sarah Palin's repeated attempts to belittle her patriotism and official platform. But let's be real. It's hard to believe the First Lady doesn't have any thoughts on the former Alaskan Governor and it's even harder to believe she would have any difficulty articulating such thoughts since she is in fact a licensed attorney (who graduated from Harvard Law School to boot). But as First lady she no longer just speaks for herself, but speaks for America; this means she can't always speak her mind, and the provocation that is Palin is one topic on which we will likely never hear directly from the First Lady.

But we can certainly guess. So below, a list of the top ten things I believe our First Lady wishes she had the luxury to say, but knows that she can't about the woman who wants her husband's job -- at least not until she enjoys the freedom that being an older, wiser former First Lady brings. Just ask Barbara Bush.

10 Things Michelle Obama Wants to Say to Sarah Palin

1. For once I agree with Barbara Bush.
2. At least I know the difference between North and South Korea.
3. If Katie Couric had asked me I could name plenty of publications that I read on a regular basis because reading is something you get used to doing in law school.
4. When I said I was proud of my country for supporting my husband, what I really meant is I was proud Americans were smart enough to support him over the other guys (and gals, hint, hint...)
5. Some people shoot harmless animals. I adopt them.
6. When you accused me of not trusting parents to do a good job raising their own children, you were only partially right. I trust most parents, but some could use a little help because their kids are out of control; you know calling people offensive slurs and whatnot. Not like my well-mannered girls.
7. While I realize a strong, attractive black woman defeated you for the Miss Alaska crown (which must have really stung since there are like 5 of us in the whole state) you shouldn't let that leave you with a chip on your shoulder about all of us strong, attractive black women.
8. Not that I'm judging, but Sasha and Malia will appear on "Dancing with the Stars" the day my husband goes ice-skating in hell with...well you.
9. Some people appear on reality tv, while some of us appear on the cover of VOGUE. (Click here to watch a fashion faceoff between the two ladies.)
10. Please run for president. I'd really like to live in the White House another four years.

This piece originally appeared on TheLoop21.com for which Goff is a Contributing Editor.

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