Last month just days after the premiere of the Hollywood version of the Love and Hip Hop franchise I interviewed and wrote about Miles, who goes by the stage name Siir Brock. He and his partner of two years Milan Christopher were about to share their story with the world. It was revealed in that first episode that the two of them are together, living as a same gender loving couple. However, there was one thing that completely shocked the twitterverse and social media, Miles is bisexual and carried on a relationship with his high school sweetheart, who is also on the show and she had no idea. Since then the show that includes cast members like R&B singer Ray J, former Day 26 member Willie Taylor, rapper Soulja Boy and former B2K member Lil Fizz. Love and Hip Hollywood shows the inner circle that is the Hollywood hip hop scene and how artists in that world deal with career and most importantly love.
Miles and Milan's story has dominated much of the conversation so far this season. Miles who during the taping of the season hadn't come out to his high school sweetheart, Amber. More importantly he hadn't shared his true self with his family, who taught him God was first and there was no room in the kingdom of heaven for any man who decided to lay down with another man. Miles to say the least grew up suppressing his feelings and now he's living in his truth and sharing that truth with the world. I think it's safe to say that after our first interview, Miles and I continued to chat through twitter and I received a number of emails wanting me to talk with him again. With all that said, that brings me to our recent interview, which took place just a couple of days before tonight's episode where the conclusion of his therapy session with Amber was shown and his revelation to his sisters. Miles and I talked at length about the season so far and what he's learned and continues to learn about himself, but before we get there I also spoke with the creator of the show Mona Scott Young.
KM: You added Miles and Milan to the Hollywood cast this season. Did you know at the time that their story would take off as it has?
Mona: No not at all and it's been great to see people so responsive. What we did feel was that this show is about people, their lives and their love stories. We have the freedom to show and represent all love stories and so when we met them and had the opportunity to tell their story and it had all of these amazing elements and we saw this as an opportunity to shed light on an issue that some people might be going through. Their love story has broadened the scope of the show. It has allowed us to be more encompassing of all the kinds of love that exist out there.
The love between Miles and Milan is being seen in millions of homes each week and even more on replays and video on demand. Just like Michael Sam's kiss during the NFL draft opened the conversation about gays in sports, the story of Miles and Milan will generate some form of conversation about the role of gays in hip-hop. My conversation with Miles was both entertaining and emotional. The topics were tough and the answers were filled with vulnerability. Miles is human and he is outwardly living his truth in front of millions. Here is our talk.
KM: You said in the episode that you were embarrassed and humiliated about being attracted to men, why is that?
Miles: That's the way that our culture has made me feel as a black man. I mean the first thing that comes out of another man's mouth in our culture when you are trying to humiliate somebody or diss them, you call them gay, you call them soft, you call them a sissy, you call them a punk, these are the words, it's like the biggest disrespect. So actually admitting that the way we clown each other is my real life, it's humiliating, it's embarrassing and I have recently come to a place where I was able to take all that and turn it into a positive.
KM: So you no longer feel that way?
Miles: If I said yes to that, it would be a lie. I definitely am insecure and sometimes when certain remarks are made and the things I've seen on social media calling me certain names and seeing stuff like that it feels like I'm being made a mockery. It's hurtful, I'm a human being, I wear a smile on my face and I have tough skin but it hurts and it hurts badly.
KM: Let's talk about Amber and your confession to her. You mentioned that you had doubts about tell her, why did you go ahead and follow through with it?
Miles: My love for her, she deserved to know, if anyone deserved to know, her, my mom and my sisters all deserve to know. The love that I have for all of them it was the one thing that drove me to them and if they love me they will still be here afterwards.
I think what the viewing public isn't seeing everyday is the life Miles is living after he agreed to let reality television show cameras capture his life. According to Miles it's been a tough since coming out to Amber and his family. I couldn't really get my question out because real life had in some ways finally hit Miles. The tall guy who earlier in our interview told me he wears a smile on his face and he had thick skin had been brought to tears. The tears came as he told me a lot of hearts have been broken since he decided to be true to himself.
KM: Where are those hearts now?
Miles: The hearts that have been broken, I feel still remain broken, hopefully in due time they will get better and heal, I pray but I feel like every heart that I anticipated would be broken is still broken. I'm not talking to half of my family right now.
KM: How if that affecting you?
Miles: (Deep Sigh) Oh, it breaks my heart. (Pause) Oh, even talking about it. (Crying) It's hard, it's hard. (More Crying) I'm sorry, I'm just now thinking about stuff. It's been a lot and people think that it's easy but it's been really hard. I'm strong and I've been like staying strong but it gets hard.
KM: It got so hard early on that you mentioned you once thought of suicide?
Miles: It was a couple of years ago when I first started to explore this side of me and I was driving home and I just pulled over and I started thinking about why I had these thoughts and these feelings and I for a second thought if I just drive off the road I could end it all. I started to pray and I was crying and crying and that prayer carried me home. I felt like it was my only outlet.
KM: Do you still carry around those feelings? Thoughts of taking your own life?
Miles: No, absolutely not. It's still hard even today but I take it one day at a time. I'm not scared to be who I am anymore.
KM: You talk about prayer often, what is the role of religion in your life?
Miles: I'm not so religious anymore. I go to church because I like to receive the word and I read the word and I pray and I just ask God to just guide me. I feel he makes no mistakes. I have a very close relationship with God and it's more spiritual than religious.
KM: You know you coming out is the focus of the show, so do you feel like it's overshadowing your musical talents?
Miles: Absolutely, I feel had I not opened up that one aspect of my life, my music would not be judged because people are wondering why I'm rapping about women. I am an artist, sometimes I may not be telling my story and the music inspires what I write. One of my biggest fears was coming out and people not respecting my music because they are dwelling on that.
KM: How do you change the narrative?
Miles: I have to keep putting out great music and hopefully people will see that I am a talent and not focus so much on the sexuality part.
I must say that's easier said than done. Sexuality is so taboo in this country that people believe that you have to fit someone into a box and in hip hop it's even more taboo. All of this despite that many of the hair stylists, wardrobe people, managers and record label executives are also in the LGBTQ community. When Frank Ocean decided to live in his truth that was a start but we must continue to move forward. This year along was monumental for the LGBT community and Miles is just another name to add to the list for pioneers that when you look back at the history of hip hop you will say changed people's perspectives and minds and totally made a difference. I'm sometimes disappointed in the way the dramatics of the show bring these elements to us but the subject matter is definitely needed.
The music industry, more importantly hip-hop, needs to understand that the community it fights so hard to distance itself from keeps it running and afloat. To quote the famous Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character." To that point, our "LGBT" singers and rappers, for that matter, doctors, lawyers, journalists, football players or construction workers should be judged less by whom they decide to share their life and bedroom with and more by the merit and skill they bring to the table. Miles is another example of how going against the stereotype will continue to provide a space for informative and much needed conversation.