Third Party Lunacy At The Libertarian National Convention

06/05/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

1. Would you give $1000 to Joe Lieberman in exchange for $1,000,000?

Libertarian presidential candidate and Las Vegas oddsmaker Wayne Allyn Root explains his donation to Joe Lieberman, whose combination of hawkish foreign policy and big government domestic views make him anathema to libertarians: "I'm a businessman above all else," he boasted unapologetically." About two years ago, a very good friend of mine gave me $1 million for my business, and he was bundling checks for Joe Lieberman, and said, 'By the way, would you make an investment in Joe Lieberman's campaign?' And I wrote a $1,000 check as a sign of friendship for someone who gave my business $1 million."

What else would Root do for a million bucks, kiss Lieberman's tush?

2. Does Mike Gravel know how to read a platform?

Democrat-turned-Democrat calling himself a Libertarian, Mike Gravel was asked about his libertarian views on health care and education. Gravel replied: "How are you going to be free if you have no money? You're not free -- you're just a drunk in the street. How are you going to be free if you're sick? You're sick like a jerk. How are you going to be free if you're dumb? You're too dumb to participate in freedom."

Mike Gravel proves you can have money, health care, and education -- and still act like a drunk, dumb jerk.

3. Chutzpah of the year award.

In an email to supporters, Libertarian presidential candidate Robert Milnes -- who, due to unspecified circumstances, is unable to attend the Libertarian National Convention -- offers an open proposal addressed to rival presidential candidate Mary Ruwart: "...I propose and ask that you announce that you cease your candidacy for the presidential nomination and rather seek the vice-presidential nomination pursuant to LP bylaws... Further that you instruct your supporters that you support my candidacy for president hence the Milnes/Ruwart progressive alliance ticket. My name could be placed in nomination in absentia, again pursuant to LP bylaws."

Next, Mike Gravel will rejoin the Democrats -- if Barack Obama will agree to be his running mate.

4. Thrift trumps patriotism.

Libertarian presidential candidate George Phillies explains why he doesn't wear a flag lapel pin. "I respect our flag," Phillies said. "That means I don't use it as costume jewelry. In fact, I almost never wear lapel pins. Why? By geographic adoption, I'm a Yankee. We Yankees know thrift is a virtue. Every time you stick a pin through your suit, you damage the fabric. That's pointless waste."

What's really pointless waste? Another Libertarian National Convention to nominate a candidate who has as much chance of winning as John Hagee has at becoming Prime Minister of Israel.

5. Bob Barr's been there and done that.

Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr, who as a Republican Congressman from Georgia in 1998 authored the Barr Amendment prohibiting the District of Columbia from voting to permit medical-marijuana use, acknowledged this sin (among many) and sought absolution from Libertarian delegates.

"Regarding the drug war, I've been there, done that, and know firsthand our current strategy is not working," confessed Barr.

Evidently, the former head cheerleader of the Clinton Impeachment proceedings and ultraconservative poster boy had his epiphany after being dumped by his fellow Republicans in the 2002 primary election.

6. Bob Barr offers something new.

Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr explained his motivations for running.

"[T]he country is ready for, I hate to say 'change,' because that's the theme of the Obama campaign," he said. "Americans are ready for something new because they're fed up with the major parties. We're here to give them the choice they're demanding."

Like new bottles for stale beer and a choice between GOP and GOP-Lite.

7. LP candidate says Al Gore causes global warming.

Libertarian presidential candidate Wayne Allyn Root told his audience in a debate at the Libertarian National Convention: "[T]he US government is the biggest polluter, but the 2nd is Al Gore because of the gas he wastes on his airplane going to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize."

With all the gas passing for rhetoric at the LNC, it looks like Al Gore has dropped to third place.