A-Paula-ing

Wow! They didn't even try.

I was so looking forward to the bullshit spin American Idol would concoct to explain away Paula's idiocy from the night before and they didn't even try. Ryan merely said the judges were thrown a curveball and that the online rumors weren't true. I'd like to think that through the HuffingtonPost I was one of those who spread these rumors.

I could just imagine the producers getting together earlier in the day trying to dream up a plausible explanation.

***

"We can say we threw them a curveball."

"Yeah, yeah! A curveball. That's good."

"But wait a minute. Isn't giving them a curveball only a problem when we ask them to do something more, something that they weren't prepared for? Telling them to just sit there shouldn't really throw them."

"Even Randy seemed to get it."

"Shut up! We're going with curveball."

"We did ask them to take notes. That's new."

"Didn't anyone check to see if Paula could read or write?"

"I did."

"And...?"

"Her agent wasn't sure but was going to get back to me."

"What?! You gave that woman a pen without confirmation that she knew how to use it? My God! She could have eaten it, used it to clean her ears. Who knows?"

"You're right. My bad."

"Her death would have been on your hands!"

"Please, I feel bad enough suggesting Andrew Lloyd Webber week."

"Look, she could take notes, we could give her notes, that still doesn't explain how she could watch Jason sing one song and think it was two."

"What about sleep deprivation?"

"Already used it."

"Bad reaction to cold medicine."

"Meaning what? She sneezed out her brains?"

"What if we say she was drunk... but with an explanation."

"Which would be...?"

"Um....she was coming from her Passover seder and had to drink four glasses of wine."

"Passover was over last Sunday."

"She doesn't own a calendar."

"Or can't read one."

"Guys, let's face it. Any road we go down still leads to the same place. Cretinville."

"Okay, how about this? We just insist it never happened."

"How many times do I have to tell you? You're not working in the White House anymore!"

"Right. Sorry."

"Well, I'm stumped."

"Me too."

"Same here."

"Alright. Shit. We'll just go vague. Say all the rumors about her aren't true."

"Come on. They'll never buy that."

"Sure they will. They buy it when we say we got 45,000,000 votes last night. And they buy it when we say Jason Castro got more votes than Carly Smithson. They even buy it when we say this is the most talented group we've ever had."

"You're right. Call Ryan."

"We could make up ugly smear campaigns to discredit the other judges to take the heat off Paula."

"Again, this isn't the White House."

"You're right. You're right. Let's go with the vague rumors."

"Now, moving on to the next order of business. Who do we vote off this week? Syesha or Brooke?

"Call it in the air..."

You can read more from Ken at kenlevine.blogspot.com.

Comments

[FlippyO]

Big deal, she took notes during the rehearsal. Wow, what a scandal. zzzzzz

[wakupmagy]

She is only an entertainer and this is only an entertainment show.

I simply fail to understand the media maelstrom around this flub or others she's made.
Remember, it's LIVE. Who knows how ridiculous the majority of Hollywood entertainers might look if they were not working off a script with endless takes and professional editing.

At the very least, this huge public outcry might make more sense if the judges actually determined the winners. They don't. They are only there to add perspective and entertainment value.

There is clearly something else at work here. She seems to have become an easy, accepted target by a lot of sad, lonely people who need any reason to be snarky and to build up their own self esteem.

[mlaiuppa]

People still watch American Idol?

[1question]

The show is a fake...!!!

Judge(s) attending pre-show rehearsals...what is the point in that...!?!?

Phony judge(ing) comments...predetermined well before the "live" show.

Secret voting totals allowing "voters" to vote multiple times.

Pre-taped show segments inserted into what is supposed to be a "live" show i.e. quest performances, the phony call-in segment, some pre-song performance Q & A etc...

The show needs to:
1. dump both Randy and Paula
2. use only authentic live performances by everyone
3. 86 the sorority "girls" down in the pit with the fake waves above the head
4. get rid of the standing ovation after EVERY performance...
5. keep the judges away from the contestants and rehearsals
6. get back to true amateur contestants...no previous CD releases or contracts
7. new host...maybe rotating previous idol winners
8. no more "mentors" that haven"t had a hit record since Bill #41"s White House hummer(s)
9. pick a final twenty based strictly on talent...NOT others factors (gender, race, age...sex appeal)
10. 1 (one) phone vote per land line phone use only...publishing totals on web site 24 hrs after result"s show

Go back to the basics from the first season...and what"s with the cheesy product placements and fake commercials...!?!?

[hotwingconspiracy]

Ken, we can play this clip over and over and over again, we can play it a thousand times, and discuss it to death, and that way we can all be distracted from the important issue facing Anerican Idol this week - namely that Neil Diamond can't sing anymore. No really. He can't even hit the easy notes.

[JudgeCrater]

Paula Abdul: a walking, talking embodiment of Billy Squier's " Everybody Wants You."

[Charity]

great column, ken. 'bout sizes it up!

[humuhumunukunukuapuaa]

I am a fan of AI but enough already! AI has to find a way to get rid of Paula Abdul. The woman is either hooked on booze and/or drugs pluse she is totally clueless and rude to boot. Gosh, she is dragging the show down to the gutter. The show has jumped the shark long ago and in no small measure because of Paula's stupid act.

[Star2000dancer]

This is a woman who has made massive come backs from massive injuries. She is fighting more pain than most people will ever have to do their whole lives. Dancers & athletes fight through pain constantly. Any extreme athlete or dancer who's had multple injuries understands that pain can throw you off. Many times I've sat in so much pain I could barely breath, & never showed it except to occassionally make a mistake in public because I was fighting off showing the pain. Cut her a break & give her respect for not sitting home in a wheelchair & just having to give up.

As a fitnessness consultant, I shed many a tear of joy as I watched someone who was in whellchair for 9 years, walk out of my club for the 1st time. Or, watched one walk out without a cane after having to had use one for a decade, She is fighting to maintain even a semblance of normallity for you & me. She's a good person. she deserves some empathy & alot of respect.

[Mohaski]

That's all fine and well, but it still doesn't answer my question - why is a dancer with limited vocal skills judging a singing competition?

I won't bother to question her intelligence, addictions, or mental stability here.

[BassMent]

This is clever.

I don't watch AI enough to really care one way or the other about what happens on the set or off. And Paula Abdul? I don't know if she's drug-addled or just profoundly ditzy, but I think she's utterly charming exactly as she is. Yes, she's incredibly odd, and that's what I find so appealing about her.

[observing]

Why is this so hard to grasp? Ken, how many times have you rewound a performance that didn't immediately come off as ga-ga to you only to later fall in love with it? Sometimes our initial reaction is not spot-on. I think and would prefer all three judges to "soak in" a pre-performance and then make their final decision on the actual performance. Think about it, has your first impression always, always, always been correct? It's not humanly possible to always be correct on a first impression. Oh, that's right... you are perfect.