Attention Mourners: Michael Jackson Will Have a Public Viewing

08/01/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Ken Levine Emmy-Winning Writer/Director/Producer, MLB Announcer

This just in, the Michael Jackson show continues, even in death.

The family is reporting that there will soon be a public viewing at his Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara. I'm sure it will be a tasteful affair. No one would be so crass as to sell t-shirts, jackets, posters, candles, CD's, silver gloves, post cards, hyperbaric oxygen chambers, DVD's, memorial baseball caps, webkinz, Captain EO masks, Michael Jackson action figures, Michael Jackson as California Raisin action figures, authorized biographies, Michael Jackson Mastercards, Wiz soundtracks, Jackson 5 lunch pails, underwear, trading cards, puppets, mug shots, records, clocks, bed sheets, clods of Neverland dirt, calendars, ticket books to Neverland rides, King of Pop dolls, Black and White singing dolls, pins, badges, Lisa Marie Presley wedding invitations, Jehovah's Witness brochures, last photos, 911 recordings, Neverland ant farms, afro wigs, sunglasses, shot glasses, comic books, stuffed animal of Ben the rat, flashlights, karaoke tapes, chia pets, helium balloons (inhale them and talk like Michael), shampoo, bobbleheads (collect all 5), Joe Jackson pimp suits, socks, Butterfield 8 DVD's, Lucite frames, blow ups of Janet's wardrobe malfunction, courtroom artists' renderings, foam fingers, tampons, beach towels, crying towels, deposition reprints, life size cardboards (size 8 years old - adult), pillows, and woochies.

The news media will certainly respect the family's privacy and not trot out every news van, satellite dish, production truck, helicopter, klieg light, and microphone in America. There will be no photographers, no anchors, no field reporters, no TMZ stringers, no Jesse Jackson.

Opportunistic concessionaires won't be just off site selling Moonwok stir fry, PYT (pink yam tamales), Billie Jean burgers, black and white cookies, Thriller chillers, Beet It borscht, Doggone hot dogs, Dangerous chili, King of lollipops, and King of soda Pop.

Ultimately the services will be private... whatever that means.

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