03/21/2007 02:21 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I Miss Nixon

God, I do. I miss those halcyon days when the Commander-in-Chief of the free world, the man with his finger on the button that could start global nuclear war was merely paranoid. Oh for those carefree days when the President's biggest enemy was hippies. When his dislike of Jews didn't prevent him from recognizing Israel's importance to the world. When his chief advisors were only fascist thugs instead of Bond supervillains.

We didn't know we had it so good. Sure, we look back wistfully at fashions of the 70's. Someday those big lapels, scotch plaid pants, afros and sideburns will return but will we ever have a President again that thinks the worst thing he could be is a crook?

There were bogus "secret" peace plans instead of bogus "secret" new war plans.

Eighteen minutes were unaccounted for, not four years.

Back in those disco nights a corrupt Vice President would resign. Am I getting too nostalgic? One article in the Washington Post could bring down an entire administration. Dan Ackroyd could do his impression of the president and we'd all laugh without wanting to slit our wrists.

The President would use his influence to appoint Elvis a deputy.

Patty Hearst was held hostage instead of the whole world.

Not to get too sentimental but it was hard to turn the country into a police state back then.

Can we ever go back? I don't know. Jane Fonda is popular again so maybe there's hope. I for one am going to do my best to get the word out that this President deserves to be impeached. You'll recognize me. I'll be the one with the big lapels.

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