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American Idol Goes to the (Bad) Movies

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It was movie night on American Idol. Okay, I didn't expect them to sing the theme from High Noon or Gone With the Wind, but Free Willy and Caddyshack?? Now I'm hurt they didn't sing "Nothing's Going to Stop Us Now," the theme from Mannequin 2.

One of the big problems with Idol this year (one of many) is that they have begun to take themselves waaaaaaay too seriously. When you have a night saluting great music from 100 years of cinema, how do you treat the theme from Caddyshack as anything other than a joke? And how many times last night was the word "artist" uttered? That's next week's drinking game, gang. You should be smashed by the first plug for the Idol tour or the compilation CD (so ten minutes in).

Jamie Foxx was a fabulous mentor and the word is he's auditioning for Simon's spot. Same with last week's mentor, Harry Connick Jr. (who, by the way, was funnier in one night than Ellen's been all year).

And speaking of last week -- the judges, of course, complained that some of the contestants didn't make their songs sound contemporary. The theme was Sinatra, for Godsakes! And for the record, the worst Sinatra ever sounded was when he tried to sound contemporary. Check out his version of "Mrs. Robinson." These are the actual lyrics he sang. I'm not making them up.

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
JILLY loves you more than you will know
Whoa, whoa, whoa

The PTA, Mrs. Robinson
Won't OK the way you do your thing
Ding, ding, ding

And you'll get yours, Mrs. Robinson
Foolin' with that young stuff like you do
Boo, hoo, hoo; woo, woo, woo

So how's your bird, Mrs. Robinson
"Dandy," Mrs. Robinson you'd say
Hey, hey, hey


But at least Sinatra knew what the song was about. Casey James performed it last night and might as well have been phonetically singing " "Al otro lado del río". When Randy and the judges equated Mrs. Robinson to Kara, Casey had no idea what they were talking about. Not only has he never seen The Graduate; I bet he's never even heard of it.

I so wish Katie Stevens was still in the competition so she could have sung the Oscar winner, "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp."

Big Mike sang some song I never heard of from Free Willy. But it was spiritual and he had a big chorus behind him so I'm guessing it's the song they played when the little boy took the killer whale to church.

Lee DeWyze did the Seal tune "Kissed by a Rose." He's not going to win Heidi Klum with that version. Hell, he's not going to win Granny Klump with that version.

And Crystal Bowersox found all the colors and shadings in the theme from Caddyshack. She sang "I'm All Right," which if you recall the movie, was sung by the gopher.

To fill out the rest of the hour, the contestants were paired off for two duets. These were better than the solo songs but that's like saying Spam is better than chopped pork shoulder, sodium nitrite, gelatinous glaze, or any of its other individual ingredients.

Casey and Big Mike (who will reunite tonight as the bottom two) did "Have You Ever Loved a Woman?" and were complimented for their guitar work. And the best number of the night was Crystal and Lee doing "Falling Slowly" from Once. The only problem was that Crystal clearly wiped the floor with Lee. It was like Meryl Streep doing a scene with Keanu Reeves.

Fashion note to Crystal: Backless gowns were made for girls who have giant tattoos on their backs. Why just see parts of it sticking out in six places?

Anyway, that's what this blogger -- I mean "internet artist" -- thinks. What about you?


Read more from Ken here.