Newsweek leaked an excerpt of O.J.'s book detailing IF he had murdered Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman how he would do it. I guess we need to applaud the prosecutors for making the exact same guess. Thank God that book is not being released. I was worried that (a) people would actually buy it, and (b) it would start a trend. I could easily imagine these books in your local Borders:
IF I BET ON BASEBALL by Pete Rose, speculating how on July 8,1977 IF he bet he might've put $20 on Cincinnati over Pittsburgh and double down his winning yesterday on the San Francisco-Atlanta game, going with the Giants.
IF I SHOT SOME GIRL WHO HAPPENED TO BE IN MY HOUSE by Phil Spector, he guesses he would've used the loaded gun he always kept handy on his person, instead of how it really happened with her taking it out of his pocket and shooting herself
IF I DIDN'T PAY MY TAXES by Richard Hatch who imagines it wouldn't be worth the effort unless he could withhold oh...say a million dollars.
And to fill out our shopping cart...
IF I DIDN'T PAY MY TAXES by Wesley Snipes (six yearly volumes)
IF I HAD AN EATING DISORDER by Nicole Richie,
IF I SLEPT WITH MY PARTNERS' BOYFRIENDS AND HALF THE ACTS AT MOTOWN by Diana Ross
IF I WANTED TO SLIP A DANGEROUS WEAPON INTO MY LUGGAGE AT JOHN WAYNE AIRPORT by Snoop Dogg
IF I WAS GOING TO RECRUIT ILLEGALLY by Jim Harrick
IF I WAS GOING TO TAKE MONEY UNDER THE TABLE WHILE IN COLLEGE by Reggie Bush (forward by Eric Dickerson)
IF I WANTED TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF MY SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUSBAND by Liza Minelli
IF THE PINTO HAD A FAULTY DESIGN by Henry Ford
IF I WAS GOING TO CALL T.R.KNIGHT THAT 'WORD' THEN DENY IT AND THEN DO IT AGAIN - by Isaiah Washington
IF I GOT OUT OF NATIONAL GUARD DUTY by George W. Bush
IF I WANTED TO RIG A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION by George W. Bush
IF I WANTED TO IGNORE THE BILL OF RIGHTS by George W. Bush
IF I WANTED TO GET US INTO A WAR FOR MY OWN PERSONAL GAIN by George W. Bush
Follow Ken Levine on Twitter: www.twitter.com/KenLevine