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Ken Levine

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Super Bowl XXLVIIXXLVVI

Posted: 02/07/2010 10:44 pm

Has there been a more satisfying Super Bowl ever? What a great night for the city of New Orleans! 31-17 the final over the Colts. The celebration in the French Quarter should start winding down in June. Wish I were there to vomit in the street with the rest of you.

Some random thoughts on the game and the telecast.

I have to say I'm pleased for many reasons. I still hate the Colts for the chicken-shit way they left Baltimore - sneaking out of town under the cover of darkness. You may know them as the Indianapolis Colts. To me they're the Oz Lions.

Super Bowl Sunday is the second largest food consumption day in the U.S. Tied for first - every Jewish holiday.

We Americans consume 4 million pounds of fat from potato chips alone. The third leading killer of American males: Doritos.

Jim Nantz did a fine job but I still think Dick Enberg should call the Super Bowl. Jim Nantz should join of the cast of How I Met Your Mother. He was hilarious Monday night.

CBS has taken a lot of heat for allowing an anti-abortion commercial and refusing a pro-Gay spot. Here's how they could have solved that problem. Do the same anti-abortion ad but instead of featuring Tim Tebow and his mom, just use Richard Simmons and his mom. That way everyone will be happy.

Were there any groups protesting that the game was held in Sun Life Stadium. Where were the Moon Life zealots?

Since CBS allowed the ad, why not go all the way and include it in the billboard. "The 1st quarter is brought to you by Cars.com, E-Trade, and outlaw abortions."

My favorite commercial was the Snickers ad featuring Betty White and Abe Vigoda playing football and getting clotheslined. My second favorite: I had no second favorite.

Analyst Phil Simms is Al Gore in a coma.

Don't you hate it when you buy two squares for the first quarter pool and get the numbers 2 and 5?

It's time to do away with the Roman Numerals already. We're at the point where only Spartacus can figure them out.

But if the NFL insists on the practice then I say all players' numbers on the back of their jerseys should be in Roman Numerals too.

Oh please! Peyton Manning was misty over Queen Latifa singing America the Beautiful. Is he hoping to become Sarah Palin's running mate?

Carrie Underwood sang the National Anthem wearing one of Elvis' old jumpsuits. She was terrific until that last note and then yeow!!!

I hate it when the weather's great. Much more fun to see all those CEO's and other bailout beneficiaries getting drenched in their 50 yard line seats.

The Super Bowl is the one program where people fast forward through the show to get to the commercials.

New Orleans went to their favorite weapon to put the game away - a turnover. They've been scoring big points doing that all year.

Quick: name the two teams in last year's Super Bowl?

NO MORE TALKING BABIES!!!! EVER!!!!!!

In every Super Bowl party there's always one insufferable idiot who comments after every commercial. That would be me.

How fucked up is NBC when even Jay Leno is doing promos for David Letterman?

The Who looked ancient. I thought I was watching the Abe Vigoda commercial again.

I imagine for anyone under 60 they were the "Why?"

At this rate Little Anthony & the Imperials will be performing at next year's Super Bowl.

Quarterback Drew Brees deserves a lot of kudos but let's not forget Garrett Hartley and his three lonnnnng field goals, and the interception/touchdown by Tracy Porter.

I'm tired of the Clydesdales. Used to love 'em but enough! I don't need my heart to be tugged. I have Peyton Manning for that.

Since Pete Townsend of the Who is a registered sex offender (he was arrested in 2003 in a pedophilia sting in the UK), child abuse organizers flooded the area around the stadium with warning fliers and postcards. The fliers should have warned everybody about Carrie Underwood's final note.

Wow! The Saints started the second half with an on-side kick. And pulled it off. The only thing that would have been more surprising is if one of the Bud Lite commercials had been funny.

A lot of anger towards girlfriends in this year's commercials. Those bitches won't let us buy mobile TV's or drive Dodge Chargers!

Excitementwise, you can't ask for much more than going into the 4th quarter with a one point difference.

The Saints' 4th quarter challenge resulted in a reversed call and two points. See that baseball? It's more important to get the call right than stubbornly stick to tradition.

It would have been nice had the anti-abortion spot gone right up against the Go-Daddy commercial, don't you think?

Again, congratulations to the city and citizens of New Orleans (who I'm sure are completely plastered). And what a perfect metaphor for Katrina - the Saints were down 10-0 and came back to win it all. Come on. Even you Colt fans have to admit it's a wonderful story. Okay, well... maybe not.

 

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