Why I Can't See Avatar

03/31/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Ken Levine Emmy-Winning Writer/Director/Producer, MLB Announcer

I still haven't seen Avatar. I've heard mixed reviews but the general consensus among my jaded circle of friends is that it's basically a B-Western, but the effects are extraordinary. And you must see it in 3-D.

Uh, that poses a problem for me.

Normally I can't see in 3D. Whatever the medical name is my eyes just won't make that buy. In PC terms I guess I'm optic trickery challenged. This has scarred me for life. I've never gotten over the crushing disappointment of not being able to fully appreciate Michael Jackson in Captain EO at Disneyland.

So I guess I could see Avatar in old fashioned 2D (oh why couldn't there have been that option for EO?). If it was showing on a big enough screen I still might catch the gist. Blue people are supposed to be coming right at me at this moment, right? Oooh, yes, I could see where that would be thrilling.

But my problem extends beyond that. I had minor eye surgery recently and although it was a complete success the surgery left me with an inflamed cornea. This is a temporary condition, corrected by time and six thousand eye drops applied in five thousand different schedules. I have to take one now but can't remember which. So for the moment things are a lot blurrier on the left side of my world than my right. Hopefully this will clear up within a few weeks but in the meantime, do you know of any theater showing Avatar in 1D?

Oh well, even if I miss the theatrical release, I'm sure I can eventually catch it on my iPhone.

Now if James Cameron's technical wizards could just devise 3D audio. You don these special headphones in selected theaters and the dialogue suddenly sounds real. That process would work for me.

By the way, you're welcome to leave comments that you had the same cornea thing and you're now perfectly fine. But I will delete any comment that scares me. Thank you.