THE BLOG

Wild Monkey Sex

04/17/2013 07:30 am ET | Updated Jun 17, 2013

Rodeo Rides
While having sex isn't any boomer's first rodeo, having wild monkey sex may be less familiar. What's wild monkey sex? Imagine the hottest sexual fantasies you ever conjured up, becoming your reality. But here's the thing that makes it somewhat elusive; you won't be having wild monkey sex if you're having casual sex, because the wild monkey variety depends on a powerful heart connection. I can hear the boys' chorus warming up. "This is just some emotional bullshit, right?" Wrong.

A Boat Missed
I've spent a lifetime being sexual, but not in many truly loving relationships, and while sex sometimes bordered on wild monkey, it rarely reached those heights. Sex has always been important to me, but I missed the wild monkey boat until I finally put sex and love together. If you've never been deeply in love, not infatuated or kind of in love, then you've never had wild monkey sex. The best casual sex on the planet can't hold a candle to the wild monkey version. Why? Fair question.

In Love We Trust
If you hope to have the ultimate sexual pleasure, trust is a major factor. Considering that sex is the most intimate interpersonal act, it isn't much of a stretch to see how it's closely tied to trust, particularly for boomers whose goal is to be in an enduring relationship. It's also not difficult to grasp how fully trusting a sexual partner can add to the quality of sex with that person. Having your sexual fantasies come to life is far more likely if you're with a partner who isn't thinking about feeling safe, and can be completely uninhibited instead.

No Limitations
Then there's the pleasuring factor. If I love a woman, I'm going to knock myself out to please her sexually, in any way she desires. I'm in a steamy, hot, loving relationship now, and there's nothing either of us desires sexually that the other isn't thrilled to provide. I've had very few casual sexual experiences in which my partner was willing to completely let go of all her inhibitions and satisfy my every sexual fantasy without reservation. There's always some holding back in casual sex because there's a degree of hesitation being sexual with a veritable stranger you don't know, especially today.

I Can't Get No
There's also the satisfaction factor. Casual sex always left me feeling unsatisfied, the amount and duration notwithstanding. At best, it was a few rungs above self-abuse, which every guy knows doesn't really satisfy either. Satisfaction-wise, casual sex is a distant second to wild monkey sex.

A Body Roadmap
And there's the familiarity factor, knowing what makes your partner monkey wild, that isn't possible in casual sex. I know my partner's body down to the last freckle, and since we're in love, we make each other's sexual pleasure tantamount. Casual sex is generally more selfish and self-centered.

Explosive Sex

Pleasure-wise, there's a world of difference between getting it on just to get off, and getting it on to make your partner's sexual world spin blissfully out of control. The incentive to make that a reality is driven by the love you feel for that person. The difference is a deep desire to make their world explode with intense pleasure, knowing they'll make yours explode too, and out of love, not obligation. Fantasies aren't going to become realities with a partner we don't know and love. So wild monkey sex remains out of reach. And, you can't buy wild monkey sex, because sex for money isn't remotely authentic.

The Ultimate Turn On
Loving sex is wild, uncontrolled, uninhibited and without rules. Imagine every one of your sexual fantasies becoming a reality, without ever having to ask, simply because your partner loves you, knows exactly what you like, and can't wait to give it all to you. That's not ever going to happen with someone who doesn't love you and trust you. Having my sweetheart whisper "I love you", while being sexual, arouses me way more than a casual sex partner screaming, "don't stop, don't stop," ever did.

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