Merry, Really?
The ads for Christmas are already up so New Years ads can't be far behind. For many single boomers this is a tough time of year. Not being in a relationship or having a partner during the holidays can feel lonely and impart a sense of permanent singleness. Not feeling a partner's love at this time of year can have all sorts of ill effects, particularly if a single woman doesn't have close friends or family. Thanksgiving dinner was just the first of several hurdles many will encounter. Christmas and New Years parties are right around the corner and whether to stay home or go alone can be a difficult decision.
Wait
After date coaching women over 50 for many years I know with near certainty that December is a particularly hard time to date. Between parties and vacations few single boomers are inclined to date and get involved until after the first of the year. It's smart to wait to join a dating website until the New Year. But that doesn't mean there's nothing a woman can do. There's lots of prep work if you want to hit the street running after the first of the year.
December is the perfect time to write your online profile, which should not only be creative but, demonstrate a bit of wit. One of the most common mistakes women make is failing to mention personal passions for activities like skiing, hiking, biking, etc., in terms of sharing them. Another common error is being boring, i.e. like to take walks on the beach, have a glass of wine by the fireplace etc.
Be Creative
Creativity sparkles. For instance, instead of mentioning every place you've ever been to pick a favorite and write a short film script describing what being there with a lover might look like. Your profile will garner the right kind of attention if you describe the wondrous, romantic aspects of your favorite spot on the planet.
When I dated my profile's short film began with my lover and me holding hands strolling along the Left Bank of the Seine River on a sunny spring morning on the way to the Musee D'Orsay, the Impressionist Museum. We spend a few hours gazing at the incredible paintings of Monet, Degas, Renoir and other masters, whispering sweet things in each other's ear. Then we share a late lunch at an outdoor café followed by a walk back to our hotel where we make love as the sun is setting, and fall asleep in each other's arms. When we wake up we go out for drinks at a noisy Left Bank bar and then enjoy an intimate dinner at a candlelit neighborhood restaurant. When I posted my film women who shared my passion flooded my inbox. One was Sarah, my partner of four years.
Typecasting Dates
Many years of experience, my clients, HuffPost50 readers, and my own make it clear that typecasting dates doesn't work. Of course this applies equally to men, and while most men need dating help they rarely seek it because the odds are so heavily in their favor. A guy who hasn't seen his feet in a decade can still find a date, while a woman with a few lines, wrinkles, and extra pounds is considered over the hill. That double standard has been around for a long time but there are an ample number of men who don't buy into it.
Most single boomer women have dated the same guy with different names for a long while, and that typecast trap ensures failure. I know this on a personal level since I dated the same woman with different names for nearly a decade before I finally woke up to how futile my approach was. I met my partner two weeks after I stopped typecasting my dates. She looks nothing at all like my previous type and I think she's beautiful. Her personality doesn't fit my old typecast pattern either.
After pointing out men's online profiles to clients they frequently reject my picks out of hand. Since I've worked with men in small groups for three decades I ask why most insist that those men just aren't their type. When I push them a bit further what I nearly always discover is that their myopic view of men has prevented them from seeing terrific men who just don't fit their failed typecast. Read men's profiles carefully because most aren't replete with useful information. Look for qualities that match your own best qualities because the more alike two people are the better the chances for their relationship's success.
Be Prepared
Take your time and prepare to date in the New Year. For better or worse, dating is competitive. You want your profile to stand out for the right reasons. Lastly, have a friend take photos for your profile and please remember to smile. It makes a difference, honest.
Wishing everyone success in the New Year.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
