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20 Traits A Boomer Man Wants In A Boomer Woman: Redux

05/16/2013 07:52 am ET | Updated Jul 16, 2013
  • Ken Solin Voiceover Actor, Author, Columnist, Date Coach for Women Over 50
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Don't Rely On Luck
A year ago I wrote an article listing the 20 qualities I wanted in my next boomer lover. It garnered more than 1,000 comments, both supportive and critical.

While a fair number of commenters agreed that having a list was smart dating, some suggested I had a lot of nerve just for having a list. Others, that my list was unrealistic because no such boomer woman existed. And some espoused the blue-sky philosophy that the best way to date is just to meet a stranger and get to know that person over time. But we're smart boomers, and we don't need to waste months dating someone only to discover negative information that was available before a first date. Dating is about quality, not quantity, and your list will qualify the best potential dates.

Kissing Too Many Frogs
I stuck with my list because I wanted to meet a woman who was as much like me as possible, a philosophy that every relationship expert agrees has the greatest chance for success. I'd already wasted far too much time discovering to my chagrin that the woman I'd dated for several months wasn't a good match. And much of what I missed initially, I might have known had I used a list.

Make It Happen
A little more than six months ago I met the most amazing, 64-year-old boomer woman who had 19 of the 20 traits on my list. That we are both happier in this relationship than in any previously isn't a coincidence or luck. That Sarah matched 95% of my desired traits, and that we laugh easily and often, make sweet love, hike, cook together, enjoy hanging out and talking for hours on end, and are becoming best friends, isn't a coincidence or luck either. While six months is neither brand new nor long-term, we're off to a far better start than either of us can remember in past relationships. We resolve issues effectively and without rancor, because we treat each other in the same respectful, loving manner we do our best friends.

Be The Person On Your List
My list worked because I embodied all the traits I listed. If I hadn't, my list wouldn't have been fair or realistic. Sarah and I share identical traits, core values, and beliefs, and not surprisingly, our personalities mesh perfectly. We are the complete opposite of that disproved old chestnut that opposites attract, that not one, relationship expert supports.

What's On Your List?
I'd really like to hear from men and women about the traits in a partner they feel are most important. Your list will be different than mine since we're all unique individuals, and I'm interested in learning what other people are looking for. Knowledge is power in every aspect of life, including dating.

Rediscover Who You Are
But there's another good reason for making a list besides narrowing the field. It's an opportunity to refocus on your own traits, beliefs, and core values, because in order for your list to work, it needs to accurately reflect who you are, now. Every boomer has passed through stages in life, so it's unlikely you're exactly the same person you were even a decade ago.

Anecdotal Evidence
Is my dating list story anecdotal? Of course it is, but Sarah and I are no different than most other boomers looking for love. Our traits, values, and beliefs, that describe who we are, what we believe in, and how we live life, match perfectly. Your list will help you avoid bad choices and identify good ones. Chemistry is impossible to predict without meeting in person, but if you've covered the rest of your bases, it's mostly all that's left to be determined.

The Universal Tool
There's nothing romantic or cool about wasting precious time in the wrong relationships, especially if any were preventable. Smart dating is not becoming involved with someone who doesn't share your traits, core values, and beliefs. This is a no-brainer, and there's no downside, so make a list and get ready to meet the partner you deserve.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

7 Reasons You Aren't Having Sex