Something great has happened in my life recently and I want to shout it from a mountaintop. I want to tweet it, Instagram it, make it my Facebook status and make a Vine about it. No, I didn't get pregnant or land my dream job. I didn't join a cult. I accepted my curls. I decided that curls rock. Curls are cool! Curls are like if pizza had a baby with a tiny polar bear who wears leather jackets just 'cause he feels like it. Curls are better than ice cream with gummy bears on top. (OK, maybe I went too far with that last one.)
This level of curl-acceptance is a recent development. I wasn't always like this. I've spent hundreds of dollars on Japanese straightening treatments and Brazilian blowouts. I've burned my neck with straightening irons and paid six times what my friends did at the dry bar. I've put 75 different products in my hair and let it dry in a braid expecting shiny, soft waves and then crying when the result was a crispy but still somehow frizzy rope. Then there was the time I asked my friend Matt to iron my hair -- with a real iron -- so that my crush (a boy with dreadlocks) wouldn't see my unsightly curls. Oh, the drama.
Those days are now behind me. From now on, I'm embracing my hair. And you, my curly-haired sisters, should too. Here are 12 reasons having curly hair rocks:
1. You are easy to spot in a crowd. You could be lost in a swarm of humanity at Disneyland and your group will be able to find you. You cannot get lost. Believe me, I've tried.
2. Sometimes children will stare up at you and your curly locks like you're the Queen of all the Muppets and Disney Princesses. Last 4th of July, this happened to me and it was awesome. The little girl kept looking from my hair to her own straight hair and laughing.
3. Fancy hair means curls. When you're pulling bridesmaid duty, your hair is already "fancy" so you'll spend minimal time in the chair and maximum time "making sure the champagne is OK."
4. With curly hair, you don't even need sleep or caffeine; you already look alert and quirky. Go get 'em, Tiger! Turn that yawn into a roar!
5. Curly hair equals big personality. You can try being shy with curly hair, but people think you're bold and approachable so you might as well be bold and approachable. Think of all the friends you'll make! Oooh, you're so popular!
6. Wearing your hair curly feels like a rebellion. Oh yeah, look at you, you're such a rebel. Congrats, you little badass.
7. You can dress like the lead singer of an '80s hair band any time you want. All you need is a hair pick, some hairspray and a little eyeliner and HELLO, 1983 Jon Bon Jovi!
8. Who needs a bun maker? Your big, awesome hair makes a super fierce topknot without any help from a stupid foam donut. And, you don't need any help making it look artfully messy either. (The same goes for braids and side-ponytails.)
9. Curly hair distracts from whatever you want it to: circles under your eyes, pre-menstrual chin breakouts, the earrings you hate but are wearing anyway because your great-aunt gave them to you and you're meeting her for brunch.
10. On an island vacation, you can let your hair dry naturally and hit the Mai Tai bar early while your girlfriends are still blow-drying and flat ironing and curling and spraying.
11. There are no photos of you with a bowl cut that might pop up on Facebook on Throwback Thursday. Maaaybe a couple of claw bangs pictures, but no bowl cuts!
12. You're rocking your natural hair and you're beautiful for it. Seriously. You're gorgeous. I want to hug you. Come here. Where are you going?