THE BLOG
10/14/2013 12:11 pm ET | Updated Jan 23, 2014

For Better or Worse? Secret Divorce Regrets

Kris Jenner revealed this week that her one regret in life was divorcing Robert Kardashian. However, she adds that without the divorce, she wouldn't have her daughters Kendall and Kylie. Like Kris, a lot of people have divorce-related regrets. Many have actually anonymously confessed these regrets on my www.SecretRegrets.com website, and are featured in my bestselling Secret Regrets book series. The Secret Regrets project has given people a safe place to be 100% honest and sincere in revealing the biggest regret of their lives. It's also grown into an online community where others have offered unbiased comments of support and empathy - helping people realize no matter what they've been through, they are not alone.

As Kris and so many others have discovered about their regrets, sometimes something positive can result from something that originally seems like one of the most difficult and devastating things that could ever happen to you. Below are several examples of divorce-regrets from the Secret Regrets community. Some of them are shocking and may be difficult to read, and others show that ultimately, life does go on after divorce and things do and can get better with time.

SECRET REGRET: I regret not slapping and punching you as hard as I possibly could the night I sat on your lap, facing you, crying, begging and pleading for you to talk to me and open up about why you wanted to separate and ultimately divorce me. I regret more though, not knowing at the time that the decision you were making was going to ultimately enhance my life so greatly.

SECRET REGRET: I regret loving you and putting up with your bullsh*t for 5 1/2 years. I regret not leaving you due to fear of the unknown. I regret allowing you to hurt me while you were the one lying to me. I regret allowing our good memories to cloud my judgment. I regret not standing up to you. But I am grateful I filed for divorce and blocked you from my life. I wish you and her all the luck.

SECRET REGRET: I regret not shooting you instead of divorcing you, and allowing you to use my kids as pawns in your custody war. If I'd shot him I could have proven abuse, and even if I did jail time it wouldn't have been as long as the custody fight was, that our kids were dragged through -- that was engineered by the woman you were cheating with and married. Now that they (the kids) are grown though, my revenge is that you are still married to her, and you are miserable every day of your life. Female, Age 53

SECRET REGRET: If I had a second chance to do one thing differently in my life, I would most definitely be more concerned about my own welfare and less concerned about everyone else's. I had no idea that my 50-something-year-old husband would visit a divorce lawyer in secret, with a secret credit card after 25 years of marriage. I was a total optimist and had no concrete plans for his disrespectful actions toward me and our children, one of whom is still a teen. I'm glad he's gone now, but what an unpleasant mess that could have been somewhat mitigated if I had actually been less optimistic and more prone to making sure I had my own secrets - like a nice personal bank account. Female, Age 53

SECRET REGRET: I would have never divorced the love of my life if I knew that we would be remarried seven months later. I was so selfish I didn't care about anyone but myself. Now I regret those seven months and everything that lead up to the divorce. But I can say now that my love for him is so much stronger than it ever was. And I am very thankful he gave me a second chance!

SECRET REGRET: I regret that I did not file for a divorce immediately after the first time you screamed and threw things at me - in front of the kids. Because the kids then get a negative impression of married life, and will likely behave similarly in their marriages when they grow up. It's not your fault, I understand that you yourself were brought up in a similar household. But, there is no need to pass on the same characteristics to our kids. Male, Age 36

SECRET REGRET: To my ex: I regret letting you have chance after chance, when I knew you would never change. I regret letting you destroy my heart, because it almost ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I do not regret you because I learned so much about what a real man is - which is the exact opposite of you. I also do not regret you because without you I wouldn't have my beautiful son, who now calls another, wonderful man Daddy.
Female, Age 24

SECRET REGRET: I regret being so afraid of hurting that I never broke things off with you in the beginning. I regret marrying you. I regret all the times I believed you when you said it wouldn't happen again. I regret allowing it to go on for so long. I regret waiting 10 years before I left you. I regret the fact that I wasn't stronger. I wish I would have left sooner. It took me 4 years to get my life back on track and when I did there was such happiness waiting for me! I do NOT regret leaving you, finally. I do NOT regret believing there was a better life for me. I do NOT regret marrying this wonderful man I have now. I do NOT regret the decision to adopt this beautiful daughter. I believe it was because of my earlier regrets, life is so unbelievably wonderful now. I am grateful for the regrets I learned from! Female, Age 40

If you have a divorce-related regret - or any other secret regret - you can freely and anonymously post it at www.SecretRegrets.com, and read additional similar regrets in the Secret Regrets book series.

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