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How You're Probably Letting Others Walk All Over You

04/29/2015 11:53 pm ET | Updated Jun 29, 2015

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Photo Credit: Eleder JH via Compfight cc

The other day I was out with a friend of mine who kept complaining that the guy she recently went on a date with hadn't been texting her.

"Why don't you just text him first?" I asked.

"Then he'll think I'm needy!" she exclaimed.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but lately I find myself having little tolerance for games. In the past if I didn't hear from someone, or if they had behaved in a way that made me want to speak out, I'd refrain. I convinced myself that it wasn't worth confronting this person over. Instead, I allowed whatever feelings of uncertainty, frustration, or anger to stew inside of me.

How many of us are guilty of this? How many of us stop ourselves from speaking out in an effort to appear calm and undeterred. Sure, there are times when it makes sense to let things slide -- not everything is worth making a ruckus over. But too often, we choose to pass on our opportunity to be assertive, to stand up for ourselves, to use our voice. So it's worth asking: is choosing to remain quiet worth sacrificing our self-respect?

The answer is obvious. Life is short. You could die tomorrow. If you feel you've been wronged, forgotten, neglected, disrespected, or taken advantage of, you owe it to yourself to say something about it. Too many people keep their feelings to themselves in an effort to avoid being perceived as needy or insecure. But this silent acquiescence only further deepens the insecurity they're so desperately trying to dissociate with.

There's no issue if something legitimately doesn't bother you. The problem is that most people are bothered by how they're treated, and they allow this bitterness to consume them.

Realize that there's a difference between bitterness and anger. As Maya Angelou so eloquently put it, "Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn't do anything to the object of its displeasure." Contrast this with anger -- it's okay to be angry, as long as you channel that energy productively.

It's time for real talk. Don't give people permission to walk all over you. Be constructive. Be assertive. Be firm. But whatever you do, do not go quietly into the night.

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