10/27/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I'm Suspending My Feminism Until Women Have Equal Rights

Just because he hasn't been to his Congressional office in five months doesn't mean John McCain's trying to distract anybody from his failing campaign. I mean, anyone who's ever worked in an office knows exactly what he's doing by suspending his campaign to focus on our economic crisis...

So what if he only bothered to start giving input today. Real leaders only need to swoop in at the end, when most of the work is already done. Then, just the right amount of mucking up consensus frees the leader to re-phrase old ideas and make them seem like new ones. Duh, that's Leadership 101. How else can he stride back out with the credit he deserves?

So what if "John McCain did nothing to help," according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, adding, "He only hurt the process."

Reid is clearly just jealous that McCain knows being a good leader means inserting oneself at the end of the process, with no input beforehand. It saves energy for dealing with other stuff. But not right now -- only chronologically. How else can you focus on one thing unless you ignore all others?

You see, what Reid, Obama and the rest of us mortals don't realize is that the sheer force of McCain's stunning courage and one-issue-at-a-time leadership actually rearranges space and time. And because of this, he knows we don't have to worry about the approaching election day. We'll have plenty of time to hear him debate Barack Obama about foreign policy and the economy AFTER the election.

So, inspired by McCain's genius display of dimension-altering leadership, I'm gonna suspend my feminism until the status of women is improved. I totally missed out on taking credit for women's right to vote, but maybe I can still get in on the ongoing crisis of us not receiving equal pay for equal work. And in the meantime, I'm not doing anything else until this is fixed (by other people, just before I join their group at the end of the work -- to lead them to victory of course).

While I'm at it, I think I'll stop cooking dinner until there's no more hunger in developing countries. And I won't have sex anymore until the HIV/AIDS crisis is solved.

Actually, I'd better stop writing right now, because there are some people out there who can't read.