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Kim Stagliano

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Autism Sucks and Then We Die

Posted: 10/01/2012 3:32 pm

It's been a while since I've spooned up a goodly dose of medicine to HuffPost friends. Today I ask you to open wide, say ahhh, bend over and cough all at once.

Mia and Mom!

Last month I was in Dallas speaking to a wonderful group called Metrocare that provides services to low-income families with children who have developmental disabilities. I flew in a airplane all by myself. I was picked up at the airport and whisked to my luxury accommodations in a car that costs more than my annual income. I was ensconced in a room with terry robes and slippers (in case I had the desire for a massage or other treatment in the spa downstairs) and a mini-bar (didn't touch it) and a bathtub my Bella would have sworn was her very own indoor pool. I was living large, my friends. I was even... on TV:

Days after my return from a luxury business trip (a fleabag roadside motel with an "HBO" sign blinking in the office would be luxury to me at this point), I picked up this form (below) at Probate Court in my town. What is it? It's a form that enables my husband Mark and me to take away our daughter Mia's adult rights when she turns 18 in December. You read that correctly.

Probate papers

We have to petition a judge to take away her rights as an adult so that we can make her medical, legal and financial decisions because thanks to her autism, she is not able to make safe choices for herself.

Mia before regression She was a tot who could count and read before 2. And THAT, my friends is the reality of autism for thousands upon thousands of American families. It's like Alzheimer's for a lifetime in terms of safety, care and needing supervision. Except instead of an exhausted adult taking care of the "sandwich" of parents and kids for a few years or even decade of Alzheimer's, it's exhausted parents taking care of their adult children in the endless buffet generation of autism.

There's a spot on the form for "standby guardian." That means the next person in line after Mark and I die. D.I.E. Whom shall I appoint? Her sister Gianna? Nope, she has autism and her petition date is in 2014. Her sister Isabella? Nope. She has autism and her petition date is in 2018. Do you have a standby guardian you can lend us? All it requires is 24/7/365 love, care, attention, physical presence, complete ability to make every decision and about 1,000 other responsibilities. No sweat!

I held my emotions in check as I stood in the doorway of the Probate Court judge and asked for the paperwork. When the kindly town hall staff member said to me, "We're processing paperwork for two other -- " I lost it. Tears slid down my cheeks. "I know," I said. And I told her the names of the boy and girl who are turning 18 within days of Mia. We celebrated their 16 birthdays together at Bounce U. Three Moms, three Dads, all standing around in our socks in a jumping castle joint laughing through tears about how we should have been at the local car dealer negotiating a bulk discount on Honda Civics.

A favorite waitress from a local restaurant whispered in my ear a couple of weeks ago, "My son was just diagnosed with autism." He has seizures and severe aggression. He's not even 3. She deserves more than what we "old timers" have put up with for so long. We need treatment. We need cure. We need prevention. Look, if you do not want prevention, treatment or cure for yourself or your own child -- that is your right. I respect your point of view and I will be sure to fight so that you can have an exemption to any and all of it. (Insert irony emoticon here.)

To those parents who have forged the way before me, I say thank you. Barbara Fischkin and Chantal Sicle-Kira -- and so many others who shine the light on a dark path for us. I have only harsh words for those in the media, government, doctors's offices, universities and on blogs and sites who'd have us believe we are bad parents for wanting to wipe away our children's autism to reveal the child underneath. Who think we are simply ignoring the good and the gifts of autism. My girls are gifts. My girls are good. Their autism is a noose around their necks. I've no patience for those who might tisk tisk and beg for acceptance and placate donors with "awareness" and fund evermore genetics studies that lead to nowhere while putting up barricades for those of us who will always have hope for the basic goals of every other serious diagnosis in America. Treatment. Prevention. Cure. Those who do not acknowledge and fight for change for the real struggle of families from coast to coast can kiss my polenta.

I cherish my Mia. My firstborn. A child who was not born with autism in 1994 and who at 18 will become a legal child for the rest of her life. Mark and I expect to take care of our girls until the day we die. In our hearts we are proud to stand by them come hell or high water. We are mentally prepared. We will never be financially prepared. I train in a dojo up to six days week to stay physically prepared. We will never desert our kids.

At the same time, we should never have been placed in this position. And more of us need to scream that the floodgates are officially open and the high water is coming. Fast.

The epidemic of autism is growing older and we are ill-prepared for their needs. Until we find the cure for parental death, we'd best start looking for one for autism.
Mia infant

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For more on autism, click here.

 

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It's been a while since I've spooned up a goodly dose of medicine to HuffPost friends. Today I ask you to open wide, say ahhh, bend over and cough all at once. Last month I was in Dallas ...
It's been a while since I've spooned up a goodly dose of medicine to HuffPost friends. Today I ask you to open wide, say ahhh, bend over and cough all at once. Last month I was in Dallas ...
 
 
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09:36 PM on 10/17/2012
Hi Kim...I've done a lot of work professionally with families that have a child with autism, and you and everyone here need to need to keep telling your story.. Because schools and governments and the people that fund the support people like me simply won't listen to...the people like me. They've heard too much from us. They need to hear from parents and families that there aren't enough supports in the system for things that families really need, like respite, and funding for support workers and programs to facilitate community participation and integration, and skill building, and opportunities that particularly the young people with autism and other disabilities need when they've aged out of the school system.

Because you said it in a comment that you made on...the first page, I believe...these kids, even the ones with severe autism, have the right to what they need for a life that's happy for them on their own terms. That can be hard as hell for families to ascertain for kids with severe disabilities, let alone put in place without the help of trained professionals. You, as the people who love these kids and want the best for them and who are trying to plan the best possible life for them, need to *insist* to those in power that it's integral that these supports are provided for you and your families.
08:53 AM on 10/07/2012
I have a child with fragile X syndrome, while we do not have the autism DX to go with it I can't imagine the difficulty of that decision and am glad I have a long time until I have to even think about it. I am also going to be that person and say it might not be a bad idea to mention your favorite waitress to get her son tested for fragile x. Aggression is very common in fx and fx is known to cause 2 to 6% of all autism. I know its a weird thing to bring up and many in the autism community and touchy about it but like with autism early intervention is so important and there are so many different amazing studies going on that the more we get that diagnosis the more the doctors and scientists can learn and helps to get us closer to a cure for both fragile x syndrome and autism.
10:52 AM on 10/04/2012
Kim, thanks for sharing this. You are so correct. It is awful. I have been my brother's guardian since he turned 18. It is an awful process. Just make sure you don't piss off DDS. If you do, they will come after you and they will FIGHT you on your guardianship. Yes, you heard me correctly. They will fight you just to make life difficult for you. They don't care about Mia. Not now. Not ever. So be very careful from here on out to stay on their good side.
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03:34 PM on 10/03/2012
I have Aspergers, only I didn't know until last year (at age 38). It was a huge relief to finally have a "reason" for all my challenges. Raising me was a HUGE struggle for my parents but here I am today working as an advocate of (ALL) children, only finding out the real reason for my passionate approach to parenting and education was because of my experience WITH Autism. Autism affects everyone so very differently. I can understand the enormity of your personal situation and the drain it must be financially & emotionally. I'm not trying to discredit that but to read "Autism sucks and then you die" feels like you think my life was wasted.

Though I wouldn't deny that my parents could have used the information/help, I think I was lucky that there was no official "Aspergers" in the 70s. What kind of messages would I have internalized about myself reading in blogs and media that I was broken, diseased or needed to be cured?

As it was, people told me I was too sensitive and they ALL tried to change me to fit their world. But I saw judgment and unawareness - so I grew up to try and change the world instead. I never could have done that w/out my autistic brain. I don't mean to deny your experience - but please know that those people you want "kiss your polenta" are also on their own journeys with Autism... and it's not all bad.
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June25
10:13 AM on 10/16/2012
Did you ever get the feeling that Aspergers exist as a biological safety valve against herd mentality during times of crisis.We don't seem to intall the confidence in people to be leaders of a large group,but at the same time we seem quite capable of setting ourselves apart from everyone and drawing our own conclusions.
11:38 AM on 10/03/2012
Kim,
I have a daughter with Asperger's, and while more capable than yours may be, we'll always worry about her ability to properly take care of herself. But I thought you might want to know about a non-profit organization here in Austin that's starting the first job-training classes and placement services for young adults on th spectrum. (First -- full disclosure -- I'm helping them with pro bono public relations.) It's called the Austin Dog Alliance (dotORG), and they've been using therapy dogs to teach social skills to kids on the spectrum very successfully for a couple of years. Now, they're starting classes to teach dog-related job skills for positions such as vet tech, dog handlers at shelters, etc. As far as we can tell, this is the first time this has been tried. The Texas Department of Rehabilitative Services (DARS) has already agreed to pay for their participants to take part in these classes in the next few months. You and your readers with kids like ours should check out their website and track their progress. If anyone is attending the Texas Autism Conference on Sept 13, they can attend the Alliance's talk and demonstration on using dogs to teach social skills. Good luck to everyone. There IS hope.
08:45 PM on 10/02/2012
you are setting your children up for. like i said the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Do you firmly believe that if your 3 children got services and were taught to live independently they wouldn't be able to do it? that everyone they come across is going to take advantage of them and hurt them? not everyone is like that, there are more good people out there then bad. Know plenty of people with severe retardation where people who were not even there family made sure to be around them so they can have a normal life, no money involved, no services, just true blue friends that care. you aren't going to be around forever, a life where everything is decided for you is not a life i would want, probably not what your kids want either.
08:45 PM on 10/02/2012
my mom tried the same crap on me but in a different way, said i tried to kill myself ...doctors believed her yet didn't research history , didn't take into account that i had no scars , had a job, had a house, and savings, they took her word and made me an incompetent child. 10 years of being in and out of institutions some were nice some were scary. 10 years in and out of group homes and yes they deemed her unfit because she works at night and sleeps during the day, when services are open, 1 child put in adoption she thought they would give her custody but again , she works at night life happens during the day. , thank god i found someone who stuck by me and fought for my rights to live a life of my choosing, not what someone deemed best for me. been with him for six years, have 3 soon to be 4 children with him....he got my rights back ......you honestly cant fathom what
08:44 PM on 10/02/2012
the road to hell is paved with good intentions, i realize how heartbreaking it is for you to petition to take away your children's rights to choices about their life, also realize you firmly believe you are doing the right thing however......you are not. you essentially signed them to an institution if you and your husband pass away or are deemed unfit to care for them (did you think of that?what happens if they take your rights away to your child either due to financial or being unable to care for them?) What kind of life is it to live, when you have no say about the choices being made for you....what kind of life is it to never have the opportunity to learn to live on ones own, to never be able to live independently .....no life at all. Also if you do choose to have an alternate to oversee your children in case something happens ....they may say they are willing now, who knows when it happens? There are services out there, to teach your children to live on their own, not all institution are bad, not all group homes are bad...and yes you are going to have to fight for services eventually you will get them even in this crappy economy. .i should know,
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Kim Stagliano
Author All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Lif
06:28 AM on 10/03/2012
Ren thank you - for your thoughtful comments - you have an amazing story to share. Have you written about it anywhere? KIM
06:17 AM on 10/04/2012
Yes, I have, All the hurdles i faced in my life only to cross to success then back down again.then back up..i have met some amazing people though , I am posting under a fake name, to protect my children and myself . sorry if some of my words seemed harsh though not my intention realize you do want the best for your children , My mom thought she was doing the best for me and my 2 brothers, wanted us all to live under her roof for the rest of our lives and have custody of any future grand children (no i am not summing you up to her )..... She does have control and other issues like a severe fear of being alone but doesn't realize it.had i known as a child what she was setting us up for when she told us to lie to doctors and purposefully fail grades would have never done so. We have tried getting her help to no avail because when she is interviewed she changes her
06:18 AM on 10/04/2012
personality completely. I am just now opening up to family and they aren't' surprised but have sought out help (therapy etc) . When i posted wanted to point out a few things, that could happen as i have seen it happen.not only with myself but others.....not including my parent, but other parents wanting the best and making hard choices to protect their soon to be adult children but other factors coming in bursting that well meaning bubble leading to a ton of hardship. just don't want to see it happen again . i have been in 2 state hospitals, one was wonderful, kind, understanding, the people really cared and pursued transitioning those in to the outside, the other was living torture and
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Kim Stagliano
Author All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Lif
07:00 PM on 10/02/2012
Since people are wondering about the headline... It's from an old song by a Massachusetts band when I was a kid - "Life Sucks and Then You Die." It was a common phrase along with wicked pissah. Here's a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k_N2shMbqA
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mom2luke
10:45 PM on 11/29/2012
I don't need a video or a song. I knew immediately what you meant. "Life sucks and then you die." is something we used to jokingly say when things went wrong... but that was before we knew how life could REALLY suck. Autism sucks and it is going to suck for the rest of my life and then who will watch over my son? It. does. just. suck. And then we die,

and we can't think about what happens to our child who will be a child his entire life when we die. It's been 10 years now (He's 12). At first you think if you do everything right you can "save" your child like some of the success stories. Then it sucks even more that you can't, knowing that you just must've done something wrong, not worked hard enough, not tried enough doctors or therapies or supplements or diets or cures... Yes. It just sucks. And then you die. Oh my, these are dark thoughts. It's an outrage that nothing is being done to prevent it. To stop the obvious cause: too many vax too soon in infants lives. Where there's smoke there's fire. We know it and they know it. Autism is way worse than the diseases vax supposedly prevent.
06:45 PM on 10/02/2012
I also have a child who will likely require liftime care...Kim, your piece pulled my guts out.

The problem of caring for adults with autism is approaching our doorstep apidly, and we are not prepared for it. What will we do in the coming decades, when 1 in 88 adults is autistic?

Lifetime care for a person with autism with intellectual disability is estimated at $2.3 million, $1.4 million for autism without intellectual disabilities.

It would be wise to begin pouring real resources into "prevention.treatment.cure." However, I fear that there are environmental and other factors that may be causing autism that our nation (even our planet) is not prepared to address, so, like climate change, it is preferred that we not really get serious about addressing underlying causes.

I recall a recent radio story about advances in genetic testing for autism. The person being interviewed spoke of prenatal testing for autism that could cut the rate of autism similar to that of Down's...while he spoke eloquently, I realized what he meant. Currently, ninety percent of pregnancy with a fetus with Down's is terminated...it is expected that people will do the same thing when autism can be predicted.

This thought triggered a wave of grief...what if "predict and terminate" becomes the solution instead of prevent.treat.cure...?
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pdurbinwestby
Writer and speaker on autism-related topics
12:58 PM on 10/02/2012
You know, there is actually a thing called supported living services. Guardianship has been used to control adult people's lives, including Autistic adults who don't need it. Be careful about your intentions when jumping on the guardianship bandwagon. Here is my video regarding how I can't speak at times (fairly frequently, actually). Yet I don't suck, my life does not suck, and I hope yours actually does not suck, at least not all the time. Video posted to give some perspective into the different ways autism can be difficult yet our lives are worth living. http://paulacdurbinwestbyautisticblog.blogspot.com/2012/09/nonspeaking-autistic-makes-video.html
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Kim Stagliano
Author All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Lif
06:27 PM on 10/02/2012
Paula, hi, yes there are alternatives to full guardianship - thank you for pointing that out. I can't imagine taking such rights away from anyone who COULD care for themselves - it's not a decision to be made lightly or from any place except reluctant necessity as far as I'm concerned, Best, KIM
11:34 AM on 10/02/2012
I can relate. I have an older brother with autism and my parents and I constantly discuss options for care every time they go on vacation just in case the plane crashes. It is stressful being 21 and thinking about these things especially since the legislation and the options have not caught up with the research yet. However, it is an autism spectrum. Every individual diagnosed with autism is different, has different needs, etc. Conservatorship, while an option, is not the only option and is not always the right choice for everyone else. I cannot imagine what it is like to essentially sign away all the hopes and dreams you had for your children before they were born. Being a sibling IS different from being a parent. But, I would hope that while the negatives are overwhelming and frustrating that you do see the positive of having family members with autism. I cannot imagine who I would be without my brother. Because of him, I am a more patient and positive individual. While your expectations for their life before their diagnoses possibly not happening does suck, it does not mean that they cannot achieve other things or even not achieve those goals or expectations; they could just do it at their own pace on their own path. I hope that you find the best option for your children so that you can be proud of how happy and successful they, whatever that will mean.
08:54 AM on 10/02/2012
I am autistic, and I don't suck. There have been moments in my life that have sucked...but that's true for everyone, autistic or not.

There is no person trapped "underneath" the autism....just me, autistic me.

And the only thing that feels like a noose around my neck is constant infantilization and devaluing of autistic lives.
01:04 PM on 10/02/2012
I'm glad you don't feel that autism is a noose around your neck. But autism is also not a tribe. It's not an ethnicity or nationality and you're not the spokesperson for other individuals with the condition or their families if they don't choose you for that role. If you can type and express yourself, you are not living the same existence that low functioning individuals endure. But there's some common ground we can probably all agree on. Children with autism today, if they don't recover, may very well end up in snake pit institutions and drugged to kingdom come once their parents die. They are physically abused in schools and even killed. As the economy worsens, services are being cut to the bone. No matter where anyone stands on the issue of cause or recovery, these should be important concerns.
01:54 PM on 10/02/2012
I agree that autism is not a "tribe", but there is an autistic community. And I personally feel that autism is as much a part of me as my ethnicity and nationality. Autistic people advocate and speak all the time, you only have to listen. And I wasn't speaking for anyone in my previous comment except for myself (which you can tell by my usage of "me" and "I").

The ability to type and form opinions says nothing about my level of functionality nor my (in)ability to complete ADL's. Even the author of this article recognizes that:

"She was a tot who could count and read before 2. And THAT, my friends is the reality of autism for thousands upon thousands of American families."

And this is where I direct you to another HuffPo article which is an interview with one of these individuals you would term "low functioning" who also happens to be an autistic advocate and a published poet:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ariane-zurcher/autism_b_1871276.html

I'm aware of the institutionalization, the abuse, the murders. It's horrific, all of it, and it needs to end. I agree. But I don't think it will end so long we continue depicting autistic people and children in the way that this article has.
02:54 PM on 10/02/2012
you are right, there are some autistic adults who can't communicate their needs or do for theirself, and can only point or say a few words in their own language, so it can be very challenging at times, we really need more info and help for these situations when they are left on their own after their parents die or there are no siblings to be there for them, it is a very sad situation. And for those people with autism that can speak for yourself, I think that is wonderful but your life will be totally different than it will be for the ones that are totally dependent on their caregivers, or are still in diapers at 26 years of age and still can't change their own diaper.
02:47 PM on 10/02/2012
No one thinks you or people with autism suck. That is not the point. You can express yourself--you are not in the same boat as the people afflicted with the medical condition called "autism", so I'm glad for you. I have a son with Asperger's--brilliant, handsome and charming. Him I'm not worried about. I have a 4 year old non-verbal son with gut problems, autoimmune disease, neurological tics, and a need to wander off--so don't tell me autism can't kill you. I hope one day he can write about the wonders of neurodiversity as you've done here.
08:39 PM on 10/02/2012
Couple o' things:

1. Being able to express oneself and being "afflicted with the medical condition called 'autism'" are not mutually exclusive.

2. Language matters. To many people on the Autism spectrum (which, for the moment, includes Aspies and PDD-NOS and others), our condition is part of who we are. So when someone says, "Autism Sucks", of course we're going to personalise that. What we hear is, "YOU suck", "YOU are a burden", "YOU should be eradicated", etc.

3. The real irony here is that every time you dismiss an Autistic adult's point of view with "You're not like MY child! You can talk!", you are actually undermining *your own child's* ability to ever, quote, "write about the wonders of neurodiversity" as you hope he might. Because if and when he does, he'll be dismissed by parents who think he can't possibly understand since he wrote something on the Internet. Y'know?
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The Ghost of Awesome
09:23 AM on 10/03/2012
They just said that I suck, and I don't care what you think. You aren't the one being insulted. You just come on and make excuses or cut autistics down.

I know non-verbal autistics who cannot tolerate the touch of water, and they do not care for your excuses. They know Autism cannot kill, and they are the ones who taught me to disabuse myself of that lie. Use the spectrum card all you like, Autistics cannot care anymore. They also tell me of when they ran away from their parents by choice. Of course you omit to consider the possibility that any Autistic could do that.
07:29 AM on 10/02/2012
BRAVO!!!! It's like you reached into my heart and pulled out the VERY words I would have said! Thank you, thank you , thank you. ALL of what you said is spot on. My son has severe autism and has always been aggressive to a point, ever since puberty hit this year , he has violent rage attacks against me and , you guessed it, no help to be had. I hate this disease and what it has done to him! I hate that we have to fear our own deaths because this system is not prepared ( especially for what is to come). It's like Alzheimer's for life....best description EVER!
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The Ghost of Awesome
06:46 AM on 10/02/2012
I am Autism, and I don't suck
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Kim Stagliano
Author All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Lif
09:07 AM on 10/02/2012
You can call yourself whatever you'd like. And if you have autism, then you are one of the faces of autism - and no you do not suck simply because of your diagnosis. However, autism is what my children have, not who they are. Autism is a medical and psychiatric diagnosis, not an ethnicity, not nationality, not a religion, not a race. When a diagnosis becomes your sense of complete and full identity that seems unusual. People with Bi-Polar don't say, I AM BI-POLAR. People with OCD don't say, I AM OCD. Autism is not some special category in the DSM that is somehow elevated above everything else. It is a serious, real diagnosis - or it wouldn't be in DSM at all. Should you have pride in yourself? Yes. And I hope you do. I hope you can also understand that for my children, autism is likely to bring them harm and difficulty throughout their lives. And that, my friend, sucks indeed. I wish you well. Best, KIM
09:05 PM on 10/02/2012
With due respect, Kim, you - a non-Autistic person - do not get to tell Autistic people how they should identify *themselves*.

Autism is a spectrum of experiences. You said so yourself. For some of us, it is very much part of our identity. Not our *entire* identity, mind you, but enough of an integral part of who we are that it matters. You don't have to feel the same way. That's fine. We can still work together to get better outcomes for everyone - EVERYONE - on the spectrum. Believe me, no one understands the seriousness of the diagnosis better than the people who actually live with it - Autistic people.

Wishing you and your family well also.
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The Ghost of Awesome
07:16 AM on 10/03/2012
Well since most Autistics are beginning to accept that their psychiatric diagnosis is the cover for a race, for an ethnicity and for a nationality, what then?

I hope your children do find what help they need, but as long as what I am and what your kids are, are both called Autism then there is going to be a conflict of interest between Autistics who are made to suffer and Parents who want to end their torture.

" It is a serious, real diagnosis - or it wouldn't be in DSM at all"

That did not stop childhood bipolar disorder, and the DSM is gaining a big reputation for psychiatric fraud. I think Autism is just a word, a lie that sets people against each other. There is a solution, but it aint black and white.

Peace be upon you, as a muslim might say.