Jim Carrey: "Autism Made Me a Man"

On June 4th, I (and about 8000 close autism friends) attended Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey's "Green Our Vaccines" rally in Washington, DC. After marching a mile and a half in the nuclear, DC sun, we arrived on the lawn in front of the Capitol building for two hours of inspirational speeches by doctors, parents, advocates (like Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.) Jenny and her devoted beau, Jim Carrey.

Jim's speech included one line that has resonated with me. No, not "We are here! We are here!", although there were plenty of Horton Hears a Who-related chants at the rally. As he talked about the many rings of fire Jenny went through to help her son Evan, who was diagnosed with both autism and a seizure disorder, he said (I'm paraphrasing, I was too star struck to remember the exact words), "Autism made me a man." He made it clear that loving Jenny and Evan had changed him for the better. Wow. Break out the hankies people. He stopped me cold on a very hot day.

Autism snaps the backbone of many families. Or it turns a spine to steel, able to bend but never to break. On this Father's Day, I'd like to salute all of the fathers of kids with autism. Whether your child is a toddler, or approaching AARP membership, you deserve a salute. So here I go:

This post is for the dads who've stuck by their kids. To the single dads, who work overtime for their children. To the grandfathers who donate their time and money and knowledge and love to help their grandchildren. (Like my own wonderful Dad.) To the men who've learned now to make killer GFCF smoothies and who are willing to wake up at 1:00am to administer MB12 shots when Mom can't bear to do it. To the men who hold onto their child during a meltdown -- while Mom grabs the activated charcoal.

To the men who miss T-ball and soccer practices, instead going to speech therapy and social skills groups. To the men who can read an IEP as well as the baseball stats. To the men who will never give up believing that one day, their sons and daughters will greet them with words and a smile. To the men who spend more time laminating PECS than working on their pecs. To the men who find a new job, in a faraway state, to ensure better services for their children. To the men who are still saving for their child's college tuition, even while they scrimp and save to pay for ABA therapy and OT equipment in the basement. To the men who gave up careers to devote their days to their child's better health and functioning. To the men who stand by their wives and girlfriends and partners with strength, loyalty and the shelter of open arms. To the men who are planning for their daughters' weddings, not their group homes.

Happy Father's Day to all of you. And most especially, to the man in my own house who has stood by me and our daughters every day for over sixteen years; my husband Mark. You were a young man when I married you. You are a man among men now. Thank you. And I love you. Happy Father's Day.

Comments

[funkmeisterD]

Music has proven to be successfully therapeutic for special needs children.
Special needs schools throughout NYC and New Jersey are now using the music of Kimmy Schwimmy in their classrooms and seeing incredible results, particularly in the children interacting more and focusing better.
Check out Kimmy Schwimmy music and see for yourself!

http://cdbaby.com/cd/schwimmy2
http://cdbaby.com/cd/schwimmy
http://www.kimmyschwimmy.com/testimonials.html

[Stagmom]

Mr. (or is that Ms?) FunkmeisterD, would you please contact me at kim stagliano a g mail dot com about this product? Thank you.

Kim Stagliano

[angndon94]

Great post Kim!
Hooray for the dads and uncles and grandpaps too!!

My husband was a "man" before autism came into our family, but grew to be an even more lovable man after.

-Angela Short

[KFuller]

Thanks for this article. I am one of the lucky ones. I married well. Autism will crack relationships that seemed to be solid as a rock. People constantly ask me how I got my husband to be the way he is, I respond with "He came that way". He has never missed a meeting or battle with the school system and I think he has only missed one appointment with our sons neurologist in the 12 years we have been seeing him. There are men, and then there are strong men.
Thanks Honey.

[Kubatwork]

Dear Kim,
I look forward to reading your blog and David Kirby's blog. Most men, such as myself, do not need to be thanked for caring and raising an autistic child. With that said, I truly appreciate your kind words. Being their father is what we're suppose to do. Each of us was given a child by God for a reason. It is up to each of us to pursue that reason. We owe it to them and we owe it ourselves.

[Stagmom]

Thanks, Kubatwork. But fatherhood, like autism comes in many flavors. It takes a strong man to care for a special needs child. I find the Dads who've stood by their family to be the sexiest men alive. Take that Clooney and Pitt!

[jrussell]

Kim,

Thanks for this great piece. Just like the moms, us dads are just trying to do the best we can for our kids. Sometimes it feels like never enough. So, your piece was very special to read.

[linwessels]

Hi Kim,
Thanks for remembering our amazing guys!!
You made me cry - again!
Hugs,
Lin

[Jmulvaney]

Thanks for noticing Michelle.
A couple of years ago, a bunch of us started a group called ADHL--Autism Dad's Having Lunch. We would meet in a Manhattan saloon once a month for a burger (or a salad), a beer (or a diet coke) and an hour or so of commiseration and jokes. You may have spotted some of us in the movie "Normal People Scare Me."
It was an odd collection of white collar/blue collar, professionals, sales men and even one secret agent (honest). We had three rules: No proselytizing (you could say that chelation was good for your kid, but not try to pressure anyone else to try it), no fund raising and lunch was dutch treat (we didn't want anyone to claim individual ownership).
The group has been dormant for awhile, our kids got older, we got tougher. But it was a great idea that should be reincarnated and replicated.

[CriticalDune]

Thank you, Kim. May I add kudos to my fellow dads (still too few) who arm twist public policy makers and legislators to get needed laws enacted to prevent families from going bust when a child is given a diagnosis?

Changing public policy for the better is a slow, frustrating, and necessary part of fighting the fight. Dads, Moms are usually way too busy day to day and need help on this front. Pick any topic and there's work to be done. Education, housing, adult services, early intervention, jobs....the list is endless. Get involved.

[kellygrrrl]

Bravo, Jim, Bravo!!!!

[BarbaraFischkin]

Kim

This is beautiful in its truth and detail.

My husband has held our son during many a meltdown without hurting him. He's survived that and being accused of "abusing" his child when actually he was trying to calm him. Some inexperienced cops many years ago but it still happens today I know. And it happens more to fathers because they so often come in to provide the gentle muscle that gets a kid through a tantrum.

I'd also like to thank three of our neighbors, all fathers. One helped me to hold Dan down many years ago at the ice skating rink - ice skates and all. The other two, also have kids on the spectrum, and they both got bit by someone else's kid - mine - when they came in to help at a crucial moment. So thank you J.J., Marty and Mitchell!

And of course here's to your Mark, who fathers three daughters on the spectrum with grace and compassion. And of course here's to my Jim. We will be married 24 years tomorrow, almost 18 of them with autism.

[CraigWilloughby]

Bless you, Kim. Very moving. Thank you for that wonderful post.

[ObjectiveAutismDad]

Thank you so very much! This is the nicest father's day message I've ever received.

[usna73]

Thanks for the kudos Kim. However, I don't deserve it. It is my DUTY.

The real story is about the individuals in government, the press, at drug companies and their political shills and think tank lobbyists who do the dirty work.

This nation needs to change fundamentally so that ALL, men and women, act out of a sense of DUTY.

Cowards are just what they appear to be. It is not gender specific.

[sons2recover]

Jim touched my heart with that statement as well. He may not be his biological father, but has all of the elements of a great dad. We don't learn to be this overnight. Life teaches us this every day.
Being married 16+ years and recovering our kids (one with autism & one with gastro intestinal issues, hypotonia & dyspraxia) has been hard on our marriage. Dad's are such an important piece in our kids recovery and without them I don't believe I would have one child completely recovered from vaccine damage and one 90% recovered (acts more ADD than ASD!) It is definitely a team operation and I continue to pray that our families can keep it together for everyone's sake. Dad's ROCK! Don't give up without a fight. Autism IS Recoverable!
Thanks Kim!
Jackie

[mogrammy]

I love this article, Kim. Thanks. We don't have this kind of dad around so I am terribly moved when I see
all the wonderful dads with their children. I have learned to throw a pretty good football though. Who would have thought?
Maurine M

[M.S. Bellows, Jr. - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for this gift to all parents, men and women, of autistic children and nonautistic children. I spent the day with my brilliant, engaging ADHD 12 year old daughter who played well in a softball tournament and my other brilliant, introspective ADHD 14 year old daughter who, wearing sunglasses that made her look like Audrey Hepburn, spent the whole tournament reading "Wicked." I knew I was blessed today; now I feel blessed and extra humble.

Happy Father's Day. Good for you.