11/20/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

New Jersey To Require Mandatory Kidney Donation

New Jersey has had it with the lack of participation in the organ donation program among its citizens. In an effort to save the lives of gravely ill men, women and especially innocent children in the Garden State, Governor Corzine has passed a law that requires all healthy citizens to donate one kidney by age 45. Yes, the Garden State plans to reap your kidney. The law is called "Kidney2Me."

Citizens must display their scars to DMV employees within two months of their 45th birthday in order to retain a drivers license that will allow them to use The New Jersey Turnpike, the Garden State Parkway, Route 287 and Route 80. These highways will have express lanes for kidney donors. Non-compliants will be allowed to walk between the lanes, blindfolds will be provided.

Anticipating great civic success with the "Kidney2Me" program, the Governor is also planning to tackle obesity within the Garden State. A new law is pending that will require all slender citizens to eat the first six forkfuls of food off the plate of heavy citizens. Failure to show appropriate weight loss among the heavy will result in a .05% property tax increase on the slender for each 5 pounds not lost per capita. There will be monthly weigh ins at every town hall. Bumper stickers are in production. They read, "Fork You, Fat."

Finally, the State of New Jersey will now require that every child five and under receive a flu vaccine in order to attend daycare or preschool in an effort to protect the elderly and infirm around them. This program is called, "Don't be a turd. Protect the herd."

Unfortunately, that last law is true. New Jersey is the first state in America to mandate the flu vaccine. On Thursday I participated in a rally in Trenton with The NJ Coalition for Vaccination Choice (NJCVC). The group opposes the four new vaccine mandates including an annual flu shot for children ages 5 and under, required for daycare and pre-school. NJCVC supports the passage of bill A260/S1071, a conscientious exemption to mandatory immunization which will permit parents to select all, some or no vaccinations for their children. A form of this parental right already exists in 19 other US states.

I saw an ad for the flu vaccine today sponsored by The American Lung Association. It ended with a small child hugging her grandmother. The voice over tells the viewer to get a flu shot to protect your loved ones. In other words, if you don't give a flu shot to your child, you're endangering your Mom or Dad or great-aunt Millie. Never mind that the flu shot is often only 70% effective. Forget the fact that the version recommended for children and adults ages 4 and up contains 25 micrograms of mercury based Thimerosal. Ignore that fact that 60% of health care workers do not get a flu shot (See here). Disregard that New Jersey has the highest incidence of autism in the 14 state Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, or ADDM. Close your eyes to the death stats that are really about the bacterial infections people who are immune compromised tend to contract while they have the flu, probably in a hospital setting where health care professionals don't bother to wash their hands. The push is on to sell as many flu shots as is humanly possible. Remember, "Don't be a turd. Protect the herd." I've got a few design ideas for the t-shirt. How about you?

Hang onto your kidneys, New Jersey.

(PS) If you're not an organ donor, please consider becoming one.