Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Kipp Friedman Headshot

Human Attack Victim: 'The Taste of Coconut Sunscreen Almost Killed Me!'

Posted: Updated:

MANHATTAN BEACH, California--

A great white shark out for a leisurely swim in open water got the surprise of its life when a human attacked it, sickening it with its offensive sunscreen lotion.

"I was swimming in open water as I always do during the warm summer months when I bumped into this rubber raft thingy," said the great white shark. "At first I thought it was another fish, perhaps a seal, so I took a nibble. Once I realized it wasn't food, I lost interest. Then this human hand poked out and started hitting me on the snout."

The 20-foot shark said it feared for its life, when its survival skills kicked in.

"I bit into the human's ample torso and tried spiraling just as I do when I catch a blue marlin or tuna," the shark recalled. "That's when the foul taste of coconut sunscreen kicked in. It tasted worse than jelly fish. Blech!"

During the human attack, the human screamed "like a little girl," the shark added, noting that the human splashed around annoyingly. "'Not cool,' I thought, so I decided to let go and leave."

A number of other sharks reportedly witnessed the human attack and came to its rescue, especially after the smell of human blood, but other humans dragged the human from the safety of the waters to the dry place where fish never return.

Human attacks on sharks are rare, but sharks have reported an increase in the number of human attacks in recent years.

The great white shark said that while the trauma of the human attack is still fresh, it will continue to swim in the open water.