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Kirsten West Savali

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Daddy's Girl: Honoring My Father's Legacy

Posted: 11/23/11 08:04 PM ET

Abraham Lincoln once said, "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

My father, Theodore Joseph "Bubber" West, was blessed with both in abundance. As a business owner, civic leader and city alderman for over seventeen years, he used his influence to help everyone he encountered, never once expecting reciprocity. Daddy never met a stranger. If he had a dollar, he would give you that dollar and apologize that he didn't have more to share.

One of his most endearing characteristics was that he loved to laugh; you could feel the unfettered joy in his laughter. He told the corniest jokes, but you couldn't help but laugh with him, because it was contagious. Tears would stream from his eyes, rendering it impossible not to join in the moment.

His favorite joke was when people would rush into his office asking for one thing or another; he'd look up at his ceiling and say, "Ssssh... did you hear that?" People would always abruptly stop speaking, follow his gaze, and say, "No, Bubber, I didn't hear it." He'd say, "Listen closer; you still don't hear that?" They would concentrate harder, listening for anything out of the ordinary then say... "No Bubber, I still don't hear anything." That twinkle in his eye would get brighter, and he'd say, "I know, it's been like that all day!" Now, that might not be funny in and of itself, but the fact that he thought it was hilarious made it so... every single time.

My father passed down invaluable life creeds to me that I will never forget -- they were passed down to him by his father, George F. West, Sr., who was the first African-American alderman in Natchez, Mississippi in the twentieth century. He said, 'Baby girl, there is a destiny that makes us brothers; none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.' The second one -- his personal motto -- was: 'What you do for yourself dies with you; what you do for others lives on.'

In one of his last messages to me, he added a third, and according to him, the most important one: 'Baby girl, if you don't remember anything else that Daddy ever tells you, when it's raining, carry an umbrella.'

My father was my umbrella; but he didn't just shelter and protect me. He molded me. He taught me the importance of community; he talked about the Freedom Riders and the cold case, Civil Rights Era murder of Wharlest Jackson. He explained the undeniable fact that integration without education was the worst thing that ever happened to the Black community; he sat me on his knee and taught me about the Mississippi State Sovereignty Commission profiling the NAACP as a radical organization. From politics and science, to psychology and business, my father was my blueprint, and remains so today.

His physical form may have been buried on October 27, 2011; but, energy does not die, it transfers. A person's soul, their heart, it transfers to all who are open to receiving it. Daddy might not have been ready to go just yet, but I know, beyond a shadow of all reasonable doubt, that if the world could feel his energy, be his energy, that it would be a better place. Love your families a little better; hold them a little tighter; appreciate them a little more. Daddy always believed that when the world is against you, when nothing else is going right, you should always be able to depend on your family. That's the great man that he was, and that's the legacy that I will pass down to my sons.

My father always said that he lived a good life, a full life, but that all he really wanted to be remembered for was being a good Daddy. I write this open tribute with no hesitation nor reservation to say that I am so proud to be his daughter. There is no comparison; his shoes are too big to fill. There have been no words created that could ever do him justice. He's my hero, my strength, my best friend, my rock. He is the man by whom all men will forever be measured and I am so extremely honored to love him and be loved by him.

Ever since I was a little girl -- as far back as I can remember -- "My Girl" by the Temptations was our song. It was the father/daughter dance at my wedding. If we were apart, he would call and sing it to me over the phone. If we were together, he would do his favorite dance --- which I grew up believing was called "The Bubber"; I only found out later that it was "The Popeye". He would look for me, hold out his arms, and say, 'There's my girl.' Then he would spin me around, hold me close and dip me, singing the entire time. My favorite place in the world to be was in my father's arms. So, to the greatest man I will ever know, the foundation and inspiration for everything I will ever achieve: "I'm still dancing with you, Daddy; I'll always be your girl."

 

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trthsetsfree2
09:21 AM on 11/30/2011
The black community has been deceived to believe fathers do not matter. The level of anti-male sentiment in our communities is devastating. Many of the pastors, politicians, radio and tv hosts, and entertainers, both men and women, have little to no regard for the values of the fathers. This attitude was fostered first by the welfare system which displaced the fathers and provided benefits and a chack to the mothers. That bad system was replaced by an even worse system the child support system. The CS system did not just displace the fathers but also scapegoats the fathers for welfare support money that it knows average income fathers CANNOT pay. The men are GIVEN a debt and are treated like they owe something. Many behaviors in our community are influenced by the slave (involuntary servitude ) treatment of its men. The sapient men marry only once or not at all because the women have all the advantages. Legal marriage is a slave trap. We should support Shared Parenting Legislation which would reverse the discrimination against fathers. Men should only mate with independent women. Independent women should behave independent.
"The borrower is slave to the lender." The Bible
08:59 PM on 11/30/2011
Come on trthsetsfree2, I agree with some of what you say. The importance of fathers to the family unit and the devastating effects of the welfare system on the family. But I believe fathers should be responsible for the welfare support of their children. And I don't believe that legal marriage is a slave trap. Marriage is an honorable institution.
09:54 PM on 11/29/2011
Kirsten I appreciate your comments on your father because you are singing a tune that I agree with whole heartedly. In the Black Community you seldom hear comments extolling the virtues and honorable values of fathers. Those values of marriage, of loving, protecting and respecting his wife, of loving, providing and teaching his children. When we recognize the importance of the traditional family unit and how to strengthen it is what will initiate the successful rise of the Black Community. So I thank you for your praise and description of an honorable father, your father. But I still disagree with your pro-abortion stance.

Blessings to you
01:37 AM on 11/29/2011
Your writing style is simply captivating. I'm sure if your father could read this, he'd be soooooo pleased and touched at the love that skillfully oozes out of this piece. Thanks for shedding light on a wonderful black father, sis. :)
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Kirsten West Savali
08:37 PM on 11/28/2011
Thank you all for reading and commenting. My father always used to say jokingly, "So with all this writing you do, when are you going to write an article about how much you love your Daddy?"

He deserves this tribute and so much more.

Thank you again.
03:03 PM on 11/28/2011
Thank you for the inspiring tribute to your late father. Praise God for blessing you and your family with an obviously awesome man who personified love, commitment, manhood, maturity and adult responsibility. Men of the caliber of your father and indeed my late father - are the unsung heroes who seldom get the full acknowledgment for the good that they bring to this world. I extend my condolences to you on your great loss. I salute you father for a life well lived.
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trthsetsfree2
01:28 PM on 11/28/2011
Applauds for Mr Obama who has very little regard for black men and his father, are also indicative of black hate for men.
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WilliamL
07:38 AM on 11/28/2011
How nice and rare to see props given to fathers. Damn near fell out of my chair it is so rare.
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trthsetsfree2
03:09 PM on 11/27/2011
Excellent post! I am sure your mother appreciated a man who provided guidance and security to the family. I am sure your mother would have respected and appreciated him even if he was not the primary breadwinner. The reason many of today's women do not have a man they respect or a man at all is because they base manhood on sexuality, muscles, money and what else he can do for her. The man you described had a mind of his own that was encouraged by his spouse and children.
-A Responsible Man looks out for himself, other men, women and children.
-An Extraordinary Man looks out for himself and a community of other men, women and children.

Today's women do not know how to choose or appreciate a man.
Good Post!
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trthsetsfree2
01:27 PM on 11/28/2011
The lack of replies to this tribute is indicative of the lack of respect fostered by the media and the predatory child support system, the black community has for its men. The black community reaps hate and it sows a lack of concern by and for black men.
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WilliamL
02:55 PM on 11/28/2011
Actually, children and women is the order but as you like it.
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trthsetsfree2
10:01 PM on 11/28/2011
It's funny you said that. Most people object to the order of other men. They think it belongs after women and children. Thanks for the reply!
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KaraC
Trans lesbian, atheist and humanist
02:55 PM on 11/27/2011
What a beautiful article. I think you did create the words to do him justice.
06:19 PM on 11/26/2011
Bubber was that and more! Love you Kirstin.

Pastor Bartley
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Kirsten West Savali
03:52 AM on 11/27/2011
Thank you, Pastor Bartley. You've been there for every milestone in my life and I love you. You're family and my father loved you too.
11:31 PM on 11/25/2011
You, and your Father, are an inspiration to me ( and others who may not posst a comment). Continue to share your words of wisdom and enlightenment as they are a blessing to all. Share your blessings, and the blessings passed down to you, to everyone. Your Father has transitioned to a higher consciousness(sp), his voice is yours, yours his, and on and on..... Thank you for sharing.
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Kirsten West Savali
03:53 AM on 11/27/2011
@jr94610: Thank you so much. Your words bring me comfort.