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5 Reasons Why Childbirth Is Easier Than Feeding Your Kids

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KRISTEN HEWITT
Kristen Hewitt

I thought I had a brilliant idea. Make cute little bear toast on a Saturday morning to surprise my kids! I mean, they love peanut butter, toast, bananas and blueberries... and of course teddy bears. This will be a home run, right?

2014-08-07-BearToastSingle.jpg

WRONG.

Our 5-year-old hated it. Was the bear too scary? No. Does she still like blueberries? Yes. Then what's the problem? Oh... the peanut butter. Wait... the peanut butter?

And so it continues. Then never-ending saga of how, and with what, to nourish our kids. One day it's perfectly acceptable to cut their sandwiches into triangles, and the next day it's tantrums until you re-make the exact same sandwich cut into rectangles. The jelly can't have seeds, the pasta sauce can't have specks of green spices and the orange juice cannot under any circumstances contain "little string things." A.k.a. the pulp.

Welcome to parenthood, and what could be our greatest challenge yet, feeding the little tyrants... I mean our beautiful children.

Upon further analysis of my cute little breakfast bear toast, I could have just made cinnamon toast or used Nutella. I didn't even think that peanut butter wasn't an appropriate morning food. But you never know what will set the kiddos off... I honestly thought it would be the crust that was the issue.

During the tantrum of the century over the cutest little breakfast toast ever, I actually muttered to my husband, "Who would have thought that childbirth would be easier than getting them to eat?!"

So, I give you...

5 Reasons Why Childbirth is Easier Than Feeding Your Kids

1. Childbirth only lasts a day or two... trying to feed your kids is a lifetime of hell. Or at least a decade.

2. You are appropriately drugged for the pain of delivery. No such luck during mealtime battles, though I have been tempted to swipe one of my cat's prozac treats...

3. During childbirth, you get to just lie there while a nurse preps everything. It really is a vacation if you think about it! Nowadays, it's me prepping, cleaning, re-prepping, prodding and eventually throwing away perfectly acceptable meals.

4. Screaming and yelling (and sometimes throwing things) is perfectly acceptable behavior by the mother in labor. However, being on the receiving end of this ear-piercing screaming, yelling and throwing is not cool. And the reason why a wine glass is my new favorite accessory.

5. After the baby arrives, they have one choice when it comes to meals: milk. However, kids have hundreds of choices of foods, with or without the crust, that they refuse to eat.

Ahhhh, the joys of parenthood. I never would have thought mealtime battles would be our Achilles heel, but it persists... five long years later. And now the sequel with our toddler who declares "Ewwwww!" every single time I set a plate in front of her.

Guess I won't be making Eggs Benedict in the shape of an elephant anytime soon. Cheerios, anyone?