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Kristen Houghton

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Daughters, Self-Worth, and Dads

Posted: 06/19/11 02:03 PM ET

"Daughters see their self-worth in their fathers' eyes."

So wrote an anonymous author from the 1920's. While not discounting a mother's strong influence, I find that statement to be completely true. Women become who they are because of how their fathers treated them and the women around them. They are healthy in mind and spirit and that translates to overall physical health. A good relationship with Dad is beneficial in all ways, present and future.

Young girls seek male approval for what they do just as boys seek the approval of the women in their lives. Watching daughters interact with their dads, you will see a special bond. If a girl has a good relationship with her father, it can be the most important and influential one of her life. If Dad says she's intelligent, she is, if he thinks she's great and fearless in sports, she is; if Dad says that there's nothing you can't accomplish, there isn't. The praise and guidance girls receive from a strong, positive father stays with them for life.

Educational research has shown that girls who have solid relationships with their fathers score higher in subjects such as advanced math and science. Their academic confidence level is high. They are encouraged to excel and they do. Women who have gone on to high ranking jobs in business, academia, law, and medicine cite their fathers as having been positive, nurturing mentors.

Being encouraged to participate in sports is another way fathers help their daughters. Besides the obvious health benefits of physical activity, dads who routinely play some of type of sport with their daughters, and who attend their sporting events, give them an assertive edge. This edge becomes evident not only in sports but in all areas of their lives. They are unafraid to speak up because they have been taught that their opinions have merit. This translates well in the competitive job market. In an independent poll of female executives on to what or to whom they attribute their success, more than 95% stated that they had strong male figures in their formative years.

Girls learn self-worth and self-esteem from Dad. They observe and learn how men and women interact in relationships. If they see that a relationship contains respect and love, then they will seek those qualities in their own relationships. How their fathers treat the women in their lives has a tremendous impact on a young girl; they see women as having value and strength.

The role of the father has undergone changes in the past twenty years. Men have taken a more hands-on approach to fatherhood and this is a good thing. Girls, as well as boys, will benefit.

Little girls become strong, competent women by having a dad who is encouraging, compassionate, and loving. They do see themselves in their fathers' eyes and draw an incredible amount of strength from the pride and acceptance they see reflected there.

My dad told me there was nothing I couldn't accomplish; that all I had to do was try my hardest. I believed him then and I believe him now. Thanks Dad!


To read more from Kristen Houghton, peruse her articles at KristenHoughton.com and visit her Keys to Happiness blog. You may email her at kch@kristenhoughton.com. Unhappy? Read the book critics call "a book of sane and savvy advice for all", "And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First."

 
 
 

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11:18 AM on 06/20/2011
I am working with my son on his math this summer - he is going through 8 pages a day of 6th grade Jump Math over the summer. He will be ready for middle school when it starts in the fall. I also have him reading a lot and have rationed his game and TV time - which drives more reading. It also encourages him to get out and play with friends, as he can't stay glued to the tubes.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
08:11 AM on 06/21/2011
You are doing what I wish all parents would do; be actively involved in their children's lives. Mnay thanks!
11:15 AM on 06/20/2011
Fathers need to be actively involved with their kids. They provide a different perspective than their mothers. Having the fathers take time handling the kids also gives their mother time to recover from the kids.In many respects, I am more risk tolerant than their mother. I don't want them to hurt themselves, and will appropriately warn them, but I will take action to prevent them harming themselves. A bit of hurt can be educational. Now that it is summer, I take them to the library twice a week. They get books and mom gets some quiet. My daughter is studious and academically oriented, and did not like the social environment in middle school. She told me and I told her what she could do to get out of it fast. I took her to the "Engineering Days" presentation by the local university engineering department. She decided that that was the path for her and chose the path I described to her to do it. Last summer she did Geometry by correspondence. This summer she is doing pre-calculus by correspondence. While the school will not give her credit for the classes, she will get placement. So next year she will carry a full load of AP / IB classes and calculus. She will be off either to Running Start (taking college courses at a community college for both high school and college credit) or early admission to the university engineering department. She will be 15.
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
08:10 AM on 06/21/2011
What a wonderful comment J R M! Your daughter sems to have a great set of parents. Thank you.
03:26 PM on 06/19/2011
More focus on girls? Have you looked at the research on male academic performance, I don't think girls are suffering from a crisis of self esteem or motivation. There is a good reason to assume boys are and we should not be surprised because we have ignored them for decades. Who on Huffpo talks about young boys or their struggles? It's shocking how badly men and boys are treated in America.

Women have been indoctrinated into a philosophy that is hostile towards men and boys. Our sons have paid the price for years of male bashing and social engineering to favor girls over boys. That process is still at work where any program that benefits men is reorganized to be more girl friendly even though the hardest challenge we have is keeping boys engaged. We have not done the hard work to develop boy's adult male identities. Their rights of passage have been watered down or delegitimized self hating men who resent their own masculinity.

We should teach our daughters to love and respect men. To appreciate masculinity and males for their unique attributes and contributions. They need men and should love them because they are meant for one another. Independence is a good thing but you should not fear depending on someone you love and trust. Treating your husband with respect is vital to your happiness and that of your children. These are common sense ideas long abandoned for feminist rhetoric and narcissism.
04:31 PM on 06/19/2011
While I agree, THIS story was on how important dads are. You know, "...teach our daughters to love and respect men."
Not to argue with your views, just pointing out this article doesn't deserve the rap.
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
06:08 PM on 06/19/2011
Thank you onrecess. Dads are incredibly important to all.
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BillZBubb
It's hot in here: I need more fans!
04:40 PM on 06/19/2011
Baloney. It's shocking how people suggest men and boys in America are treated badly, when it is the men who hold the vast majority of all power positions, when men control the government, when men consistently receive higher compensation than women.

There is a problem with boys in education, but that has more to do with poverty and race than with gender. White males in general do better in school because they go to better schools and have more family resources to support them.

This has nothing to do with self-hating males (which is a laughable concept).
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
06:09 PM on 06/19/2011
Your comment is appreciated BillZBubb.
02:50 AM on 06/20/2011
Men in positions of power don't empower the average American male. You would have to be fool with no concept of history to reach that conclusion or a just a feminist. Powerful men have ruled for thousands of years during which time they oppressed the masses. Men were equally oppressed with the additional burden of having to fight wars of conquest for their oppressor. If your slave master is a man and you are a slave does that make you powerful? Of course not, so making that absurd generalization about he distribution of power does not establish a valid context. The gender of the ruler does not empower those who share that gender.

America has the largest prison population in the world which is over 90% men, they only make up 40% of degree recipients and more 4 times as likely to commit suicide. This hardly looks like the stats of a group living a life of power and privilege.