More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Kristen Houghton

Kristen Houghton

GET UPDATES FROM Kristen Houghton

Stress: Inherited and Learned?

Posted: 06/ 6/11 08:57 AM ET

A recent news item that certainly got my attention announced that stress is contagious. This is something that I have known to be true ever since childhood. My mother was a stresser, a person who was highly emotional and given to panicky reactions. Her stress level affected the entire family, those who lived in the house and the larger extended family.

While healthy individuals look for ways in which to cope with negative emotions, that was not the case in my home. Stress tended to overwhelm my mother and cause her to react to us in a negative way. Lashing out in anger or speaking negatively to her family was a byproduct of the stress. As I grew older and became the family observer, I saw that how my mother handled stress seemed to be not only contagious but inherited. Her parents reacted to stress the exact same way.

While stress definitely can be contagious, it's also true that how our parents or great-grandparents responded to stressful situations may in part determine how we handle ourselves today. My mother was a perfect example.

As individuals, we all respond to situations in our own unique way. The way you react to every situation determines the level of stress you will experience. We've all known people who we see as "laid-back," and those we term "emotional." The same situation that causes panic and deep anxiety to one person barely disturbs another.

Handling stress is inherited and learned. As a child of stressed-out parents, you are less likely to be able to handle stressful situations positively in your own life -- partly through the genes you inherited and partly through watching your parents react to stress badly in their own lives. It is like an unwelcome gift handed down from one generation to the next.

Certainly I didn't like the way my grandparents and mother would overreact to situations that required a cool head. And it was definitely unfortunate that there were times that, as an adult, I found myself reacting in the same way to other stressful issues that occurred in my life. I didn't like feeling drained by my reactions, and a change had to be made.

But the news isn't all bad. Though you may initially begin to have the same reactions to stress as your other family members, you can and should learn to retrain yourself to handle it. It took time and concentrated effort, but I was able to teach myself more positive coping skills than I learned as a child. The key is to make a commitment to positive changes in how you react.

These five basics tips are practical, simple and very workable in your daily life. Try them!

  1. Take care of your body, physically and emotionally. Stop putting your own needs last. Get into the habit of making healthy eating, physical activity, mediation and adequate sleep necessary top priorities in your daily life before you tackle anything else. That includes dealing with people and problems that create stress. Any type of stress is easier to handle when you are healthy. You'll be surprised by how easily taking care of yourself becomes a habit.
  2. Be kind to yourself. Don't allow negativity from your own self or from anyone to be a part of your life. Decide what is best for you. Treat yourself with respect and expect the same from others simply because you deserve it.
  3. Seek complimentary relationships. If you're in a relationship that causes discord and unhappiness, you are emotionally vulnerable. I've said it before in my workshops, and I will say it many more times: a healthy relationship is one that enhances your life. Respect and kindness should be at the top of your relationship "want" list. (This applies not only to a couple's relationship but to all other ones, as well).
  4. Make positive changes. Make a career change (what would you really enjoy doing?), seek out new friendships (remove yourself from negative or complaining people) or enroll in a class just for the fun of it (act, dance, paint, express yourself). Make changes that will reduce everyday stress and produce a feeling of action and accomplishment. Stress takes a back seat when you feel good about life.
  5. Have a conversation with your inner self. Try to understand why you react to stress the way you do. Are you repeating your "inheritance"? Do you like the way you react? Write down what you have done in the past when confronted by stress-filled situations, and then write how you want, and are going to, act in the future. You are the one in charge of your own life, not anyone from the past. Make a commitment to yourself and how you want to live.

It was once believed that much of our physical health was predetermined by our genes. In 2011 we now know that, though our genetics may play a part in our lives, we can pretty much determine, and change, our own destiny by creating and living a healthy lifestyle. The same concept applies to inherited stress and our reactions to it as adults. We can create a healthy and positive pattern of dealing with stress that allows us to see stress as only one part of our lives.

To read more from Kristen Houghton, peruse her articles at KristenHoughton.com and visit her Keys to Happiness blog. You may email her at kch@kristenhoughton.com. Read her book, "And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First."

 
 
 

Follow Kristen Houghton on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kristenhoughton

A recent news item that certainly got my attention announced that stress is contagious. This is something that I have known to be true ever since childhood. My mother was a stresser, a person who was ...
A recent news item that certainly got my attention announced that stress is contagious. This is something that I have known to be true ever since childhood. My mother was a stresser, a person who was ...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 5
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Recency  | 
Popularity
10:23 AM on 06/10/2011
Parents are both our protagonists and antagonists. We learn what to do and what not to do to ourselves and others. "Inherited" not so sure about that one. Making choices and gaining knowledge far out weighs the effects of genes with health and managing ones emotions. Looking laid back and being laid back are two different realities. Inside Casper-Milk-Toast is Genghis khan and inside Genghis khan is Casper-Milk-Toast. Resistance that looks like calm is just a way to protest whatever the feeling is - anger, frustration, resentment. The feeling usually leaks out when least expected. Being calm is possible by seeing that all emotions are is energy in motion. Feelings are just information to guide you. As you align with the feeling that is causing the stress, you can transform it into empowered action as you take you next best step to move forward with your life. "Sad, why are you sad today?" "Because you are not listening to yourself again. I am sad you won't respect who you are. " "Thank you, Sad, for showing up today to remind me honor my intelligence and intuitive ability." From your example, children will learn how honor their feelings as well and to use them to feel empowered as they support themselves as they make constructive decisions in their life. Martylward.com
10:11 AM on 06/07/2011
Great topic. While our parents and other key influences in our childhood (not so sure about our genes) definitely can pass on stress-generating thought and behavior patterns to us, we always have the option to recognize this conditioning and learn how to overcome it. I used to get angry, frustrated and otherwise stressed at the drop of a dime. Now I've learned to understand what specific thought patterns and behavior patterns are causing me to experince these reactions, and over time, I have been able to look at things differently and rid myself of most of these negative emotions.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
07:53 PM on 06/07/2011
Thank you so much for your comment Mort Orman. We all need to understand exactly why we react the way we do and then make a concentrated effort to make positive changes.
09:23 AM on 06/06/2011
I guess that it is possible that we learn to react to stressors the same way that our parents did. maybe this is secondary to the fact that people who cope well with stressors feel that they can control things in their life and have to power to cope with adversity. Research has shown that people who have vulnerability and are feeling helpless do not cope with stress as well and this can lead to illness.
It comes down to the fact that we have to empower ourselves in order to manage troubled times and stay healthy.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
11:47 AM on 06/06/2011
Thank you Healthy Woman. I like your comment about "empowering ourselves to manage troubled times". Many times we don't realize that we have the resources inside us to empower ourselves. Teaching ourselves a different way to cope with stress is part of the empowerment process.