One of the most important elements of self-compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity. Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means "to suffer with," which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect,...

Sometimes it's more difficult to see what's right about ourselves than what's wrong. For some of us even thinking about our positive traits makes us uncomfortable. Praise and compliments can make us squirm, and we often don't know how to respond without self-consciousness. Flattery feels a lot better than insults,...

A common stumbling block when thinking about self-compassion is the belief that it just means letting ourselves off the hook. When we say "it's only human," isn't this just a way to blow off personal responsibility for our actions? But let's look at this more closely. First of all, isn't...

We know how much it hurts. "I'm an idiot!" "I'm disgusting." "No one will ever love me." "What a lame-ass."

So why do we do it? As soon as we ask ourselves this question, we often just pile on more self-criticism. "I'm such a bitch, even to myself." "That's why...

Many of us are caregivers, whether we have a special-needs child, a parent with Alzheimer's, an ill partner, or are in a caregiving profession such as being a nurse, therapist, or teacher. When the stress of continually being there for others is high, we can become overwhelmed by our caregiving...

In my work I have defined self-compassion as having three main interacting components: self-kindness, a sense of common humanity and mindfulness. Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with oneself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental. Instead of taking a cold "stiff-upper-lip" approach in times of...

The number-one reason people give for why they aren't more self-compassionate is the fear that they will be too easy on themselves. Without constant self-criticism to spur myself on, people worry, won't I just skip work, eat three tubs of ice cream and watch Oprah reruns all day? In others...

The golden rule tells us that we should treat others as we would want them to treat us. Maybe so, but hopefully we won't treat them even half as badly as we treat ourselves.

"You're so lame!"

"What a screw-up!"

"How can you ever show your face in public again!"

It has almost become a truism in our culture that we need to have high self-esteem in order to be happy and healthy. Psychologists have conducted thousands of studies touting the benefits of self-esteem. Teachers are encouraged to give all their students gold stars so that each one can feel...